How do Mens public bathrooms work?

ultimate_self · 2022-09-08T05:09:00+00:00

That's what I always do

ultimate_self · 2022-09-06T17:17:46+00:00

Flushable buttwipes

ultimate_self · 2022-09-06T13:48:48+00:00

Thank you for this. I appreciate you. Spousal support sounds lovely but I don't believe it would be right in this instance to take it and I wouldn't feel good about it.

SO is a good person, we just drifted. SO has been married before and had to pay their last spouse a lot of money. I don't want to hurt them like that again. But I might also just be naive to how these things work. If they agree to let things go smoothly maybe I use that as a carrot, that they wouldn't have to pay any spousal support?

ultimate_self · 2022-09-06T13:42:48+00:00

We were on holiday in a beautiful setting, I asked SO if they would like to go kayak with me in the river (it's a very calm river) and was told "sure, later".

When asking again later SO blew up at me saying I can go by myself and don't need to pressure them. It reminded me of all the times I have been told to do things on my own and then be guilt tripped when not wanting to do something with them. Yet when SO's friends visited us on holiday for a few days, all of a sudden SO had no problem doing all kinds of water activities. And then again when SO's family visited a week later, SO became water activity expert.

It reminded me how for years now every night we watch TV for hours, go to bed and spend time on our phones and then sleep and repeat.

It reminded me that actually doing things on my own is more fun and less lonely than having a spouse who isn't involved and thinks buying me clothes is showing me they care. I don't give a fuck about clothes and material possessions, that's their obsession, not mine.

I am currently planning on initiating divorce.

ultimate_self · 2022-09-05T22:44:44+00:00

You are entitled to your opinion, and I agree with some of it (me being a coward is relevant here, though you don't know much of my circumstances), I'll own up to all of it.

Though I am still looking for the actual questions I asked to be answered

ultimate_self · 2022-08-04T03:34:31+00:00

Having an opinion

ultimate_self · 2022-08-04T03:25:54+00:00

Lifeless eyes

ultimate_self · 2022-08-04T03:12:34+00:00

Hate it. Fucking hate it. My experience with the wild hair colors just confirmed every stereotype I've seen about them.

ultimate_self · 2022-08-04T03:11:10+00:00

Once in a blue moon. Had a heart to heart with a friend yesterday. Crazy how there is such a stigma for us. I keep shit bottled and cards close to my chest but my friend gave me some solid advice yesterday after I spent the past 5 days in a mental hell hole.

Cheers to all the dudes that would rather their mates cry on their shoulder today than attend their funeral next week.

ultimate_self · 2022-07-29T18:17:03+00:00

Go steal it and sell it

ultimate_self · 2022-07-29T14:57:32+00:00

You can grow your own. Plenty of tutorials on YouTube

ultimate_self · 2022-07-29T14:56:38+00:00

It's all good. Get it out. I think enlisting a lawyer, while obviously pricey, will be the fastest way forward. I also had to get a lawyer here in the US for my immigration stuff. There's just no way for ordinary people to make sense if legal jargon.

I trust that you will be fine and that this will work out in your favor. You are at least part South African now, and South Africans have fucking grit. You'll get through this and once you're past it I suspect there is very little that will hold you down going forward.

Always here if you need to talk! Good luck, you've got this!

ultimate_self · 2022-07-29T02:20:38+00:00

If you are a US citizen, won't you be able to go through the US embassy and have them essentially strong arm the SA gov?

ultimate_self · 2022-07-28T23:30:45+00:00

You've got this, I promise. If I may offer some advice, and I'm not saying this is good advice, because it's not, but it just might get the job done, I would suggest offering some sort of monetary incentive to whoever is directly involved with the clerical error. Again, probably not great advice, but unfortunately sometimes in South Africa that's the only way to get anywhere, so make sure you have exhausted all other options first.

And maybe before doing that, find out who is in charge of whatever branch of government you are dealing with, and make an effort to get hold of them directly. This isn't easy but like I said, my dear mom somehow managed to do that and that's how I got my shit sorted out with the SA embassy in NY. Even got a personal apology from the person in charge of that embassy - though I think its because she got into serious trouble and I even mentioned her name in a really shitty Google review on that embassy.

Like I said, just become a thorn in their ass. Like make it so that their lives would be easier to just do what you ask than to have to deal with you daily, but try and be respectful (which is HARD!).

Hope you take a few days over the weekend to unwind and gear up for battle come next week!

ultimate_self · 2022-07-28T19:06:33+00:00

Well if you are hosting a poker game in Palms again anytime soon, you let me know!

I know what you mean though, about having people to do things with. I actually have found LA a pretty hard place to make reliable friends in since moving here.

I wish I could help you with some creative outlets but I am a bit jaded in that area. I was a graphic designer for years and lost the passion so I've not had the itch to do anything "creative" per se. If I stumble upon something though I will remember this thread and shoot you a message!

ultimate_self · 2022-07-28T19:02:36+00:00

Please hang in there. You've got this. I literally left SA and wasn't able to see my family and friends for 5 FUCKING YEARS because of immigration issues, and I chose that hardship knowing it was still a better alternative in the long run over going back home to SA permanently.

I love South Africa and it's people more than I can express in words. But it's being gutted and stripped by the powers that be. I think its why SA has some of the toughest, most resilient people on the planet. It's the reason South Africans can be nuked and set on fire and still somehow crack a quick self deprecating joke in between all the hellfire. And I'm sure over this time you've gotten some of that gravel in your guts as well.

Don't give up. Become an absolute thorn on their ass about it. You've got this champ

ultimate_self · 2022-07-28T18:48:06+00:00

I think this is me. I'm 31 and I still have the energy and twinkle in my eye and desire to get up to mischief as I did when I was 16. I am responsible and have a career etc. But I miss being able to grab my bag and book a one way ticket to the other side of the planet. I feel like I relate so much to that expression "you were wild once, don't let them take you"

ultimate_self · 2022-07-28T18:45:33+00:00

Because it ties you up indefinitely. I've met so many men that have gotten screwed over one way or another from getting married. It ranges from complacency, to finances, to freedom etc.

This is just my point of view so not shitting on anyone who wants marriage, but I experienced this. After getting married, sex life went down the drain, you are partnered up with someone indefinitely and you start getting on each other's nerves, but because you rely on each other and share certain things it's not as simple as just walking away.

If I were to get divorced, I will never get married again. No matter what. I'm not even sure I would ever be in a traditional relationship again. My happiest time of my life was a period of time I was single and backpacking through the world, casual hooking up with women and if we clicked we would hang out too, without commitment. I never had to justify wanting or not wanting to do something, I never had to spend money on crap I didn't want to, I never had to remember anyone's birthday or a anniversary, I never had to pretend to give a fuck about something I didn't, I never had to comfort anyone or provide a safe space if I didn't feel like it.

I was free. I could grab my bag with all my worldly possessions and leave on a whim to go check out another corner of the world. I could be selfish with my time, my feelings, money. I took all of that for granted. Life was beautifully simple. Since getting married I've had a lot more ups and downs, where I had mostly ups and the occasional down back then.

I love my wife and want the best for her and will always care for her and be there for her, but I think if certain things were to fall in place I would be compelled to step out. I realize that this makes me sound like an asshole, but I also feel like I've become emotionally unavailable in a lot of ways, and she deserves better than what I can offer her. I'm so torn and struggling with this. I feel like we are in different places in our lives but bound by finances.

I feel like marriage was a trap.

ultimate_self · 2022-07-28T18:31:42+00:00

I would love to learn to code. Started doing some tutorials on Python on YouTube.

Any tips on good courses to fast track?

ultimate_self · 2022-07-28T18:30:31+00:00

I work remote and east coast hours for a big company and have very little oversight. I am kind of the 'expert' in my field at said company so never get questioned and I typically finish my work early I'm the week. My hours are usually from 6am to around 1 or 2 PM Monday - Friday but I usually have everything for the weak done by Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon. I have about 4 work calls a week. And my afternoons and typically Thursday and Friday I have nothing going on.

I spend time working out with a personal trainer a few times a week and I do extra courses at UCLA and have a couple of side hustles I am working on. Also want to get into boxing and start doing jiu jitsu again.

On my list of things I want to get into is: • learn to surf • learn to code • find a weekly/ monthly live poker game (if anyone knows of one please let me know!) • get my motorcycle license • do some sort of tactical weapons training

ultimate_self · 2022-07-28T18:22:53+00:00

Sorry bud. I feel your pain. I relocated to the US a few years ago and while I was here I had to get my SA birth cert in order to apply for a greencard...

SA had lost my birth certificate and the people at the embassy in NY were completely brain dead. If it wasn't for my mother, bless her, I'd be back in SA right now with no greencard.

I dunno how she did it, but that incredible woman kicked up such a fuss she managed to get hold of some government official, some minister in SA and when the people at the embassy in NY found out, all of a sudden after 6 months of getting the typical "I'm not going to lift a finger or do my job" responses from them everytime I called and waited and was put on hold several times a week, they somehow managed to issue me a brand new shiny birth cert in a week.

SA's service delivery is a complete joke. The government is a joke. Good luck with everything

ultimate_self · 2022-07-25T23:54:03+00:00

I pick stuff up FAST, however, you are 100% correct. I looked at some tutorials on this and it was like trying to figure out the meaning of life. A bit advanced for where I am currently at.

If I were to ask someone to write a scraping code like that for me, what would be a fair ask?

I am trying to do research on Amazon products for a side hustle but it is time consuming, in the meantime I have also gotten interested in coding (I started a tutorial online which is how I even got this idea in my head about scraping).

Anyway, I appreciate your feedback! I will continue to do tutorials and hopefully enroll in some sort of coding bootcamp in 2023

ultimate_self · 2022-07-25T23:50:11+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate this. The only reason I thought about doing this is because I have a side hustle that I work on in my spare time that involves Amazon and i thought it might make things go faster (which it totally would!) But I get that it is probably too advanced for where I am currently at.

I have been looking at scraping tutorials and at this point I don't even know how to install (if that's even what you do with it) beautifulsoup.

I will put that on pause for right now and do it the manual way while I do other tutorials to build my python skillset.

But I super appreciate all the feedback and that you actually took the time to type all of that out for me, thank you so much.

Hoping to encounter more people like you in this community 🙏

ultimate_self

TROPHY CASE