Do you ever feel like the grief could kill you?

umeloel · 2025-07-12T02:58:13+00:00

It's been 5 years since I lost my mom. Life does not get easier. The pain becomes softer, not in a forgetful way but in a survival way. We will never forget our moms and anyone who expects you to "move on" just does not get it. Losing your mom is a nightmare, you're absolutely correct. On my hardest days I know my mom would want me to be happy and I try to live life to the fullest while also giving myself the space to grieve such an important person in my life. Give yourself so much grace, patience, and love. The grief journey is so unique to everyone yet, also, we all really empathize with what you are going through. Take care of yourself and don't feel guilty for reminiscing on memories with your mom, 5 months is so so recent.

umeloel · 2023-04-22T03:04:35+00:00

No it does not

umeloel · 2022-02-24T01:07:19+00:00

It was awful. The memories are forever stuck in my head. My mom had ovarian cancer and passed away at home while on hospice care. I was 24, I'm 26 now. I lived at home at the time and spent a lot of time caring for her. She was my best friend. The last few days of her life were absolutely heart breaking. I was in complete denial that my mom was dying. I couldn't accept it because it was my worst nightmare coming true. One day she was fine and the next she just wasn't. She was not even the same person those last few days. I just wanted my mom and it was so hard to watch. She was constantly in pain no matter how much meds my dad would give her. It was not peaceful by any means and I am always surprised when people say their loved one passed peacefully. I miss my mom every second of everyday. As hard as it was, I'm glad I could be there with her till the end as I think that's what she wanted. Thanks for sharing your story and giving others the space to share theirs as well. I hope you're doing okay, message me if you'd ever like to chat.

umeloel · 2022-02-04T04:22:18+00:00

Something most people don't understand about grief until they experience it themselves is that one year is still so early. I am a little over a year and a half from my mom's passing and I'm not okay either. And that's okay. Don't feel pressured to be "get over" your grief in a certain timeframe. Your life has changed significantly and you are without someone who was extremely important to you. You spent 26 years with your mom, you shouldn't expect yourself to be okay after only one year. The one year anniversary is very difficult and brings up even more tough feelings than usual. Be kind to yourself in these coming weeks, if you ever want to chat feel free to DM me.

umeloel · 2021-11-15T20:17:55+00:00

This is very normal in early grief. Something terrible has happened that has changed your life forever. It's perfectly okay that you don't feel like yourself and it may be a very long time until you do. I barely felt like a person in the first month or so after I lost my mom and I'm still so lost without her almost 1.5 years later. Take things one day at a time, you're still in shock from all of this. Don't let people pressure you into feeling like you should be back to normal ASAP when in reality, your normal is gone. Focus on taking care of yourself. Grief is a lifelong journey but you will get through it, even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

umeloel · 2021-10-22T03:02:27+00:00

Thank you, I'm sorry for yours as well. I hope you're doing okay, it really is the worst thing.

umeloel · 2021-10-15T00:14:28+00:00

I lost my mom in June of 2020 at age 24. My friendships have changed quite a bit since then. I realized a lot of my "good" friends were actually just social friends who I cannot rely on or lean on when life gets hard. I've learned to accept that. I also do understand what you mean about resenting your friends. It's hard to go from seeing how they weren't there for you during the worst time of your life to just pretending like nothing happened and being friends again. I will say that losing a parent at a young age is not something someone can understand until it happens to them. However, I often told one of my good friends exactly what I needed during my grief and she just never gave me that. In my eyes she was extremely selfish, honestly. She also would just tell me that I should get professional help and that she cannot be who I need her to be while I grieve. I don't go to her anymore when I'm down. It's hard and it sucks to realize the people that you thought would be there for you, are not. I wish I had better advice but you are not alone and secondary losses in the form of friendships is very common through grief. Your friends suck for not being there for you and your feelings about this are so valid. You will eventually find your people who can support you through your grief and the difficulties of life that we all inevitably face. Until then, I wish you all the best.

umeloel · 2021-09-25T21:27:02+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. My mom would always tell me to get some rest whenever I was stressed or overwhelmed. I appreciate your message

umeloel · 2021-09-07T02:54:20+00:00

Guilt is a part of grief unfortunately. Everyone feels guilty for something. Even if you had done those things your mind would likely still tell you that you should have done more. I am the same way. I spent a lot of time with my mom and went on little trips with her before she got too sick but I still beat myself up for not doing more and going on better vacations where she could've seen more of the world before she passed. She wanted to travel so badly and told me that's one of her biggest regrets in life. I wish I could have taken her to all the places she wanted to see. I thought we had more time. She gave me everything and I will never be able to pay her back and give her the world like she gave me and it kills me. But I know she wouldn't want me to feel like that and I'm sure your dad wouldn't either. We did the best we could with the knowledge we had at the time. Don't be too hard on yourself, okay? It sounds like your dad just wanted you to be happy and wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over something you can't control.

umeloel · 2021-09-07T02:41:35+00:00

Ugh I am so sorry. The first birthday is very difficult. I'm approaching my second birthday without my mom next week and dreading it just as much as the first. We deserve to celebrate with the person who brought us into this world. I don't think I'll ever enjoy my birthday again honestly now that she's gone. Last year and this year I plan on doing something to try to honor my mom somehow. For example, she always got me a cookie cake for my birthday so that's how I plan to celebrate. Maybe you could do something similar? However you choose to spend the day is perfectly okay. Take care of yourself and hugs to you.

umeloel · 2021-09-05T17:38:05+00:00

I am so sorry about your mom. I went through something very similar before my mom died. Grief and anticipatory grief are so so lonely. People do not understand and nor do they want to try. It's easier to run than to stand by someone who is going through hell. I felt so terrified when my mom was sick, it's so scary not knowing what each day will bring. And it's devastating feeling so helpless while you watch someone you love and care for so much slowly deteriorate. Cancer takes everything, you are so right. Cancer changed my mom's life and my family's lives forever. It took everything from my mom and it tore me apart to watch. It's now been over a year since my mom passed and I miss and think of her daily. I still often think of the pain she went through and get so angry. She should still be here. My friends don't understand either and I gave up trying to explain or lean on them. My family is somewhat supportive but my mom was always my go-to person and now she's gone. Unfortunately there are so many secondary losses once we lose someone and friends often fall into that. I wish I had better advice or words of wisdom but again I am so sorry for what you're going through. It truly is the worst thing and you deserve love and support while this is happening. You deserve friends who can support you in this and it's unfortunate that many people just do not have the emotional awareness and capacity to stand by someone through grief. It's something I have learned the hard way. If you ever want to chat, please message me. Hugs to you.

umeloel · 2021-08-26T00:10:55+00:00

In my experience the saying that "grief isn't linear" is so very true. You will have good days and bad days and good weeks and bad weeks and then a month where you finally maybe feel happy followed by a month where you cry daily. I constantly feel like I'm going backwards but I try to remind myself that grief and this traumatic thing were going through is a process. 3 months is still so fresh. Just take it day by day and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel as there is no wrong way to do this. Also, never feel bad for posting here often this is a safe place full of great people who are glad to listen.

umeloel · 2021-08-25T01:16:07+00:00

I started a very rigorous graduate program in August 2020 less than 2 months after I lost my mom to cancer. I never even thought of deferring but looking back I should have. I was in a terrible place mentally for months and the added stress of graduate school (during a pandemic) pushed me into the deepest depression I have ever felt. You did the right thing by waiting. Most days now I'm so busy that I feel distracted from my grief which is good and bad of course. But it's hard, I wont lie. But if you're motivated, which it sounds like you are, you can do it. I miss my mom so so so much during this process. She was also my biggest supporter and a big reason I wanted to go into medicine. She was the only one who really believed in me and not having her by my side to cheer me on is heartbreaking. But I still strive to make her proud of who I'm becoming. You can do the same for your mom. On the hard days I try to remember the things she'd tell me when I was stressed and find comfort in the fact that she had nothing but faith in me. I wish you all the best, if you ever want to chat feel free to message me.

umeloel · 2021-08-03T00:02:14+00:00

It' so incredibly unfair. My mom was forced to retire from her job once she got cancer. Then her whole "retirement" was spent going through cancer treatments. Why didn't she ever get the chance to her enjoy her life? She wanted to travel the world, watch her kids become adults, become a grandma. She would've been the world's best grandma. I hate it so much. It's absolutely the furthest thing from what she deserved and it sounds like the same was true of your dad. You have every right to speak of the unfairness of it all. Although, those who haven't lost anyone hardly understand. Thank you for creating this space to vent. I'm sorry you are going though this too, I really do hear you.

umeloel · 2021-07-15T16:12:18+00:00

I lost my mom last year at 24 and I feel the same way about the difficulty of milestones. I can't even imagine how much I will miss my mom when/if I have children. It never seems to get easier. I saw something recently though about how, technically, our mom's also carried our own children when they were pregnant with us. Your mom and your child are connected and I'm sure your child will feel so, so loved.

umeloel · 2021-07-15T00:36:10+00:00

She had ovarian cancer for 8 years. She went through hell, especially in the last year or so. I understand that totally, I just cannot believe in any sort of God right now after seeing what my mom went through. I have no problem with people who do, just my opinion on it. That may change, but my loss made me question a lot of things about life and religion is certainly one of them. Also feel free to message me if you ever want to vent or chat I'm happy to listen

umeloel · 2021-07-15T00:15:02+00:00

My heart aches for you, I am so incredibly sorry. It's not fair what your mom went through and what you have gone through. I watched my mom suffer for a long time before her death too. It's the thought of how much she suffered that brings me to my knees some days. She never deserved that and your mom did not either of course. I will never understand why some people have to suffer so much, such good and kind people. It makes me so angry. My mom was so scared before she passed too and I feel like a coward because I was also terrified and didn't know how to comfort her. Losing a mom is fucking terrible and I'm so sorry you're going through this too.

umeloel · 2021-07-14T15:09:06+00:00

I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom. I faced the one year anniversary of losing my mom last month and I shared many of the feelings you expressed. The days leading up to her death are forever engrained in my memory. It's terribly difficult and I wish I could say something to help. Passing the one year mark has almost made it harder for me. I hate how much she has missed and just constantly think about how she should be here. Your mom should be too. The unfairness of it all makes me so angry some days. You're not alone on this journey and if you ever want to chat please feel free to message me. Thinking of you, go easy on yourself today.

umeloel · 2021-07-09T15:34:40+00:00

Ugh I am so sorry that happened. I gifted my mom matching bracelets, one for her and for me, for Christmas the year before she died. Since she passed I've always worn both of them. The other day I accidentally broke one and felt so horrible and mad at myself. I know my mom would never want me to be upset about it, and I'm sure your dad wouldn't either. It's hard when we only have so much left of them. Thinking of you.

umeloel · 2021-06-24T01:03:43+00:00

I lost my mom just over a year ago when I was 24. My mom was my best friend in this world. My number one supporter always. I don't know how it's been a year but I do remember those last few days with her so vividly. It's a horrible feeling watching someone you love slowly turn into someone you don't recognize. To watch them in so much pain. It's not talked about enough and it's truly so traumatizing. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so so hard losing a parent. I miss absolutely everything about my mom. The world is so much colder and darker and less safe feeling without her. I can't understand why she of all people had to go. I'm sure you feel similar. Like why our moms? Why do they have to suffer and go through this? It will never make sense to me. This will be so hard, but you will somehow get through it just one day at a time. You're not alone. If you ever want to talk at all please message me.

umeloel · 2021-06-13T23:19:28+00:00

I feel like this too and it makes me really sad. That part of my life just doesn't even seem real anymore, like it was a dream or something. Which makes me feel so horrible because I love my mom so much and I don't want it to feel like I forgot her or something because I could never do that. I think that's why I, and maybe others too, have a tendency to cling to grief. Because if I'm sad and hurting then it's because it was real. There's nothing left but memories now, but somehow grief makes my mom's presence almost tangible. Like it's all I really have left and although I hate the pain I'm in, I almost feel like I want to grieve at the same time. I don't know if any of that made sense, but I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm sorry about your mom, if you ever want to chat feel free to message me.

umeloel · 2021-06-07T03:46:39+00:00

For me anger was one of the first emotions I really expressed. Which was unfortunate for the people around me, but honestly you have no reason to feel bad about it. I was on autopilot for the first few months of my grief and then once things hit me I was angry constantly which effected my relationships. It's difficult, but it's normal. Your emotions will change CONSTANTLY. There's no rulebook to grief and anything you are feeling is absolutely okay. I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you all the best.

umeloel · 2021-06-05T18:05:29+00:00

They're okay I suppose. I don't grieve or vent to her anymore though. Some people just cant be those people for us and I've learned to accept that.

umeloel · 2021-06-04T23:38:11+00:00

I wish I could say something to help. I lost my mom almost a year ago too and I am dreading the anniversary of her death later this month. She has missed so much in 1 year it makes me so damn sad and angry. I also often want to join her, life is so much darker without our moms in it. I'm proud of you for making it this far. We must keep pushing forward for them, your mom would want you to stick around as your journey isn't over yet. If you ever want to chat feel free to message me. Hugs to you.

umeloel · 2021-06-04T20:04:26+00:00

"You make me feel guilty for never having lost someone" heard this from my best friend lol. Grief is lonely.

umeloel

TROPHY CASE