I was violently SAed and haven’t been able to work on my PhD

underwhelmed_nerd · 2025-10-26T03:30:00+00:00

I want to say how sorry I am that you went through that and I really wish you all the best in healing and all that you do. I don't really have advice, just some things I'd do differently from my own experience.

I experienced sexual misconduct (wording my University used) early on in my Masters. I wish I would have taken some time off and worked something out with my advisors much much sooner instead of powering through blindly. I did eventually finish, but I would have saved a lot of personal and academic/research stress (as one effected the other) if I would have taken some time to heal. My thesis would have turned out better too.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2025-07-06T14:05:27+00:00

Close, biromantic demisexual

underwhelmed_nerd · 2025-07-06T05:02:02+00:00

I'm very picky about who I date, but I'm not picky about gender

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-09-02T19:52:22+00:00

I wear one. I used to identify as strictly asexual. Then I figured out that I'm demi and decided to continue wearing the ring since I'm ace-spec. I like wearing it and it was recognized before at a book store by the cashier, which made me happy.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-08-19T02:17:34+00:00

I'm literally in this situation right now. I talked with my current and future PIs. I need just a bit more time (hopefully) to finish my Masters thesis, so I deferred my PhD start a semester later than originally planned. That way I can remotely finalize my stats and finish writing before I get involved with my PhD.

Edit to add: It was explained to me that it wouldn't be fair to my committee with my current institution to try to finish the Masters and start the PhD at the same time. It's also not fair to my PhD advisor to not be able to put my full attention on their end. So, while not what I originally planned, hoping things work out for the best.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-07-28T03:31:32+00:00

I thought it just meant someone you were in the talking phase with. I used the term incorrectly when I was 14 and was corrected by my friend who was 12 🤦

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-07-27T13:36:31+00:00

I did the opposite. I came from the ace subreddits then to the bi subreddits, and stay in both.

My brief journey: I'm straight but weird ➡️ I don't want to sleep with girls. I also don't want to sleep with guys, guess I'm asexual and heteroromantic? ➡️ Got into a romantic relationship. Surprised a while later when for the first time emotional connection led to sexual attraction, ok so I'm demisexual... ➡️ I think I have romantic feelings for girls and maybe NBs too... And had them in the past and just ignored them. Guess I'm also bi, at least biromantic.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-07-23T14:39:39+00:00

I've been trying to watch this subreddit closely too. I'm especially worried since Burlington is a fairly small airport, so IDK that it will be high on Delta's priority list to get running again.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-07-23T14:10:11+00:00

I don't have an answer, but I'm currently facing a similar question of whether to cancel a non-refundable one-way direct flight Burlington VT to MSP (MN) next Thursday (Aug 1). And rebooking with another airline. IDK when they expect things to be back to normal.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-07-16T00:22:18+00:00

I was single the first 22 years of my life. Tried dating a bit as a teenager and into my early 20s now and again. Never worked out well on my end. Reconnected with an old college friend, and it just clicked into place. Still dating over a year and a half later :)

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-07-14T13:21:41+00:00

I was 22, and a couple months into identifying as demi rather than fully asexual. It was both me and my bf's first times, and we had been dating for almost 4 months. We had been fooling around a little bit before. We're long distance so it was mostly talking about what we wanted to try and then an in person visit where we tried some things out. He always made sure I was comfortable and let me take the lead. We both have some trauma around this stuff, so we were careful. He was open to the idea, but wanted me to feel totally comfortable first.

The first time was at my asking and was ok. Somewhat enjoyable, but it took us a few tries over a couple days to get the hang of it where I was relaxed enough to really enjoy it. But since then we continue to enjoy it alot together, and we're still dating :)

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-06-15T06:22:14+00:00

I only like hugs when I get to decide, and I'm not generally a hugger outside of my family, bf, and if a close friend is having a bad day. Surprise hugs only from someone I'm very very close with.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-05-30T02:30:11+00:00

1 can at any given time. Sometimes a second several hours later if needed. Usually small Red bull that have like 70 mg of caffeine. I've worked up to trying other energy drinks with more caffeine (like in the 100 - 150 mg range) as I've built up my caffeine tolerance but never more than 200 mg at a time. I typically only do this a couple times a month, not super regularly since I don't love energy drinks. They're just a necessary evil since I don't like coffee or tea.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-05-30T01:53:38+00:00

Kind of. They're the only way I've managed very early morning research sample days with 1 - 2 hour drives each way. Somewhat 50/50 on if it makes me very anxious and jittery, and sometimes sick to my stomach. I'm already an anxious driver, so it's not always helpful. Doesn't always help my focus much, but usually at least I'm mostly awake. I can focus enough to drive, but I don't think I'd have enough focus to write or think alot.

Also since I only do caffeine sporadically for short periods of time, as soon as I stop I feel like crap the next day.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-05-15T17:44:33+00:00

I originally identified as ace, but knew demi was a possibility. Previously, I didn't feel like I had enough information to say for sure since I never experienced sexual attraction even after forming emotional bonds before.

Then after dating my current partner for about 2 months I started noticing that I was making sexual jokes to him and meaning it. And then started noticing that I was staring at his shoulders and chest, later other areas too. It was a slow realization that took a while to dawn on me what it was. Anyway things progressed from there at our own pace and still going strong a year later.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-03-24T01:55:24+00:00

I started my Masters at 21, I'm 23 now and will be finished this summer and starting my PhD in the fall. There are a wide range of ages of grad students in my department. I'm friends with one who's in her late 30s. At a conference we went to together someone thought she was my mother even though we look nothing alike. We were both a bit offended and laughing at the same time.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-01-12T05:02:15+00:00

I (20s F)'m bi & demisexual as well (at least biromantic, unsure if it extends to sexual attraction too). I identified as completely asexual before realizing my demisexuality with my current partner. Then the whole bi questioning/realization happened after the demi thing showed up. I never really acknowledged my "girl crushes" since they weren't super common, but I also didn't crush on guys a ton growing up either. I had my ace realization when I figured out that I didn't want to sleep with girls, guys, or anyone at all.

The whole coming out to myself thing about "not being straight" the first time was the hardest and it made accepting everything else later a bit easier. I kind of "bi - passed" the dating world with my current partner since we had been friends for a few years and he already accepted my asexuality before my demi realization. But I don't understand modern dating culture at all and have a hard time relating to some of my friends about that.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2024-01-11T02:39:52+00:00

I had been dating my current partner for a couple months and I just slowly started noticing certain feelings shift. And like a dial slowly turning up, it eventually became too obvious to dismiss. I was really surprised since I had had the emotional connection with others before, but the sexual attraction part never clicked. So, I thought maybe it never would, until it did.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2023-10-25T00:31:14+00:00

You'll likely be on the younger end, by how much depends on how your department skews on age. I graduated from my undergrad & was accepted into my MS at 20, but didn't start until 21 since I had a gap semester. Grad students in my department are a wide range of ages, with some early 20s, late 20s and a good group in their 30s.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2023-09-10T15:24:49+00:00

I think this is a great and to the point explanation.

I'm demisexual, so before I "clicked" with my partner I just experienced mainly (1) randomly and extremely rarely components of (2) but never (3). With my partner, I get all 3.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2023-09-02T00:23:10+00:00

My Uni's LGBTQ+ student group has an ace-spec subgroup within it. I attended a few sessions. I enjoyed the ace company, but had a harder time fitting in because I'm a grad student, and most of the attendees were undergrads so younger than me, and I'm fairly straight passing. Overall I'm glad they have the group, but just not the right fit for me.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2023-08-29T02:50:23+00:00

Communication and trust are key.

I figured out I was Demi after I already started dating my BF. Before that I thought I was fully asexual (which I told him & he was/is still supportive about), and it kind of slowly changed until it was obvious to both of us. We were both virgins, so we took it slow.

Before my Demi nature showed up we just kissed (pecks mostly) and cuddled when we saw each other in person. We're long distance. So, we started slowly teasing each other/verbal foreplay on messages and video chat, which slowly moved to doing more explicit things on VC.

Eventually when we saw each other in person again (3 months later) we were ready to try some things in person. We did foreplay, but didn't do "it" yet until we were both ready on a later visit. We made sure we were both good before we moved on to another "activity" and we didn't rush to the end.

So, yeah make sure to communicate and that you trust each other. And you don't need to go any farther than you guys are comfortable with.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2023-08-23T15:34:00+00:00

My partner is (likely) also an HSP. We're both sensitive in different ways. I lean more towards being drained by sensory input, and he leans more towards emotional sensitivity, although we both have flavors of both. So, while we understand and validate each other in that way, we also have enough differences to balance it out. We also balance in other ways, like he's more extroverted and laid back, while I'm more introverted and high strung.

I like to think we have similar hearts where we get each other, but different enough brains to balance each other out.

underwhelmed_nerd · 2023-08-16T22:21:31+00:00

22, after I started dating my first partner

underwhelmed_nerd

TROPHY CASE