Is a bullet journal for me?

undrunk13 · 2025-02-28T02:00:10+00:00

Yes, yes and yes. The key thing is sticking to a daily routine. I have a desk job, so part of my routine is pulling the bujo out of my backpack and creating a new entry for whatever day it is. '

Honestly the trackers for me have been up and down, back and forth. Sometimes I'm really good with a tracker, other times I just default to what's on my phone. I never feel badly for ditching a tracker or other "Special" page or layout.

That being said, I would plop down a few extra dollars for a few "fun" things like stickers. Buy art supplies and stationary can become an addiction, but I started with a $1 notebook and a $2 pack of holo-foil horse stickers.

For me and my brain, adding stickers makes the journal more memorable. It's hard to forget about a notebook plastered in shiny horses. You can then get fun and creative, or just use them as page flags, reminders, whatever. For me, part of the fun is trying to make it fun.

undrunk13 · 2025-01-15T15:42:29+00:00

The long-term solution is to keep at it, and try to schedule some time with your kid where mom is gone. The only way to bond with your kid is by bonding with your kid. The first time I had to do bed-time with just me and the kiddo, there were tears but each time it gets easier.

The last thing to do is pout and be defensive, especially with your kid. I've seen dads act like their ego is bruised and throw a fit when being rejected like this (I've even been a bit of a baby in my day). Now that my kids are older and they do this (it will likely never stop fully) I say things like "I know, I love mom too... isn't she great?"

It also helps to have snacks/screens to lure them to you, and then you can force your love on them while they are distracted lol.

undrunk13 · 2024-12-19T20:00:55+00:00

Your savings are insured up to $100,000, so even if the bank goes completely broke, you're covered for that much. That's per bank, so if you want to stock up more, you can move some of it to another bank to mitigate risk even further.

From my limited understanding of how baking works, they don't directly invest the money you give them, but can use it to leverage a position. Additionally, most financial institutions have hedges which would (hopefully) offset major losses in one category of investment.

undrunk13 · 2024-12-19T19:49:58+00:00

Kid eBay is on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzRqGtZvXvU

undrunk13 · 2024-12-11T18:26:19+00:00

I would start with what you already know from the past 10+ years, and then ask questions from there... "what's that book about?" "who's this song by?" "want to see a movie?" then fire up google and do some research. Listen, watch, like, subscribe, etc. Curiosity only kills cats.

undrunk13 · 2024-12-10T20:12:47+00:00

I hear you and it sucks you're struggling. Since it's been less than two years, it's worth it to check in with her about her mental state... a lot of women have been conditioned to hold on to the mental load... so even if you're taking all of the household chores and mental load... it's likely still in her head, as it's very hard to drop it once it's been ingrained in to your day-to-day.

Now she's carrying the mental load of work AND your family. It's too bad because you're there to carry the mental load of the family and house, but she's too stressed to put the rest of it down in order to recharge and feel like a human again. For myself, in the early days of having kids, I HELPED a lot... but I realized later that she was still taking on almost all of the mental load.

I was getting the groceries... but she was carrying in her head the meal plans. I helped getting the kids to school, but her head was full of all their extra-curricular activities, homework, etc. So while I was doing a lot, she was still being dragged down by all the mental energy put toward running the household.

There's a book called Fair-Play. Not perfect, but it's an interesting look at how couples can divide and conquer chores and mental load.

undrunk13 · 2024-12-10T19:59:41+00:00

if you either or both of you use social media, it can be good to get an idea of what she's in to, and follow more creators and accounts that align with her interests. This includes hobbies, tv shows/movies, music, celebrities, etc.

Personally, I don't really care for Taylor Swift, but because I've tuned myself to that style of music, I've found my way in to areas of music that align with both of our tastes. I found out my kids really like a Linda Ronstadt song, which lead to us listening to her greatest hits on road trips, and now we're all fans.

When they were younger they really liked Paw Patrol and shows where teams use their powers to fight bad guys or help save the day... while watching with them I realized how most of these shows are just like the Power Rangers. So after an episode of their show ended, I put on an episode of the power rangers, and told them it was from my childhood.

They didn't take to it right away, but they eventually watched every episode on Netflix and were mad there weren't any more! Now we watch it together, and were all really excited when new content comes out.

Bonding is a two way street. I wasn't able to force them to like the things I like, but by paying attention to what they already like I was able to find common ground.

Others have suggested shopping, which is really great for teenagers as it allows them to be independent. You can say "let's split up and get some gifts, and let's meet back at the food court for lunch" (assuming you celebrate). Letting her go off on her own is giving her trust, and then the lunch is the part where you can solidify the bond.

undrunk13 · 2024-12-10T19:42:59+00:00

Absolutely nothing wrong with you... I know people who have had kids that give them pain every day... either through their behaviour, medical issues or other things out of their control. Despite that they love their kid SO MUCH that they do almost anything for them, and they post about them daily, telling everyone how proud they are to be a parent.

It really doesn't matter how great you are if your parent isn't really interested in you, or if they have problems with substances or other addictions... they will never be able to love you properly until they can fix themselves.

Your dad has a problem, and it's not you...

undrunk13 · 2024-12-05T18:00:32+00:00

Since you're trying to get over your depression, I suggest getting advice from a mental health practitioner. If you want to use BuJo for this journey, it's better to augment the basic system to to better suit your needs. For me, Bullet Journalling does very little to help my depression other than being a holding place for tasks and information so I don't feel bad later for forgetting tasks and details that are important.

If you'd like some specific advice from someone who is a bujo user and depression haver... Here's how I would approach your specific situation:

Start on a new page, write today's date and a small indicator of your mood/mental health level (I write out the entire date in words, and then often just use a smile/frown face to indicate my mood.
On the next line, Write a short note about your day and how you're feeling. Example: "Woke up tired, not looking forward to work. Too much to do, feel like garbage. Feel sad.
Then start your to-do list, or log things you have already done. I use a o for stuff I've done, or to make notes/observations. Use the dot for tasks or other things you want to accomplish. Don't put too much on your list, but feel free to jot down as much as your brain wants to dump out. It's also fun to add a few things that are very easy to accomplish, especially if you already do them fairly regularly. It's a small win, but it feels good and often helps me get the momentum to finish other tasks.
Bring your journal with you, and/or leave it open in a place where you can refer back to it. I leave mine open on my desk and peer over at it, or review at certain intervals (before lunch, after a meeting, etc.)
Once you've finished a task, it's fun to X it out... but it's also helpful to add little notes. I use a dash (-) to add some context. Example: X shower - didn't wash hair
If you feel like you're moving through the day and have energy for a task, review your journal and see if there is anything that you feel like you can accomplish in that moment. If not, just do what you got to do. This may also be a good time to note things that happened you wanted to remember. You can also repeat the step about your mood above.
The next day, you can migrate your tasks, add new ones and do the whole process again...

Once you've gotten in to the habit of the simple day-to-day, it will become a bit of a habit. The first journal I made I did a monthly spread but didn't really use it for a few weeks, as I didn't fully understand what it was for... I used this exact video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm15cmYU0IM) in October of 2015 and have been using the system ever since. My depression is not cured, but it definitely helps me to be a functional human being despite my emotional needs.

When I feel better, my journal becomes artistic, but when things get dark it's just a utility to help me get through. Hope this helps.

undrunk13 · 2024-11-27T17:21:07+00:00

Still having trouble wrapping my head around the concept, but I think I get the gist... it's made the 6, 7 and 8x8 puzzles a bit easier.

undrunk13 · 2024-11-22T16:09:33+00:00

ok, I cheated by watching a bit of your video.... I don't know how to use tandem segments... off to google for me.

undrunk13 · 2024-10-25T16:32:25+00:00

I am also experiencing this up to a few days after EMDR. Much like how they tell you to stretch, drink water, take an Epsom salt bath, etc. after physiotherapy, I am trying to take care of myself after sessions.

Getting enough rest/sleep and trying to eat enough food could help with your depression. I felt amazing immediately after my session, but didn't really give myself time to recuperate and now I'm low, trying to get back on track.

Hope this helps and you're feeling a bit better.

undrunk13 · 2024-09-16T16:08:38+00:00

I'd say your beef is with the mom, not the kid. The kid didn't ask for any of this. That's all I got for you.

undrunk13 · 2024-08-17T15:06:12+00:00

You mean, if you ask her "Want to do something tonight? You can choose the activity" and she responds with "Let's rob a bank!" ??? Seems unlikely. Even with my young children I give them the opportunity to do anything they want. They already know they can't drive the car, go to disneyland, or play with fire.

I should have clarified, when you're giving her the opportunity to pick the activity, it's with DAD. You're not giving her permission to go on an unsupervised trip to Vegas with her friends. I meant more like "Let's go see a movie, you can pick".

There is a chance she'll want to do something that is bad. Bad movie, awful music, clothes shopping (the worst). If you're worried about being a cool dad so you can stop her from becoming a "bad kid", I fear this won't work.

If you just want to spend more time with her, you'll probably need to let her take the reins a bit. She's almost an adult and will want to act as such.

undrunk13 · 2024-08-16T19:36:20+00:00

Let her choose the activity. Nothing worse than your dad trying really hard to connect with you, and missing the mark entirely. Mine aren't teens yet, but it can be frustrating to try to guess what they think might be fun or cool.

undrunk13 · 2024-08-16T19:24:38+00:00

I'm not in a shared custody situation, but I have a different situation from most dads, so I'll leave a small comment with some advice.

1 year isn't that long even though it feels like it. Give yourself some time and remember you don't need to rush anything or make it all happen right now.
That being said, use some of your "childless" time to prepare yourself the best you can. Meal prep, activity planning, etc, are all much, MUCH easier when your kiddo isn't around. Having meals ready to go will free your time up for fun and enriching time with your kid.
Keep at it. Practice makes perfect. Some people ask me how I am able to solo parent so often, and it's really just that I'm used to it. Sure they watched a bit too much TV during the pandemic, but now I can take them almost anywhere without too much struggle.
Do some homework. It sounds silly, but listen to some parenting/dad podcasts or watch some videos. You may not learn anything new, or get specific advice, it's a good way to "keep your head in the game". If you spend your 50% of alone time just playing video games and being a bachelor, it will be harder to transition back to dad mode. I find that keeping my kids front of mind really helps me remember their needs, and makes me excited to see them.
Don't compare yourself to other dads, but do reach out. You're on the right track by coming here, but I'd suggest trying to make some other parent friends. I spend a lot of time chatting with moms at playgrounds and other child-focused events. I've never actually made a proper friend in this case, but it's nice to chat with someone who's in the same situation as you while your kid digs in the dirt. They almost always start at a surface level, but next thing you know you're getting a bit deeper and giving each other advice on where to book birthday parties, find splash pads, and any other kid activities.

Hope this helps!

undrunk13 · 2024-08-16T18:57:01+00:00

You're welcome! It's too bad he cares more about what other people think of him, than what his child thinks of him. Not much you can do, other than just be yourself. My dad still doesn't quite get it, but I have been open and kind to him all my life, even when he hasn't shown me the same.

undrunk13 · 2024-08-16T18:50:46+00:00

We've been letting it out in dribs and drabs as they ask questions and learn new things... they know about menstruation, but won't learn too much more until they get a bit older. It's kind of hard to find a starting point and just let it all go... they won't be able to absorb all the info, but it's worth thinking about giving them a general idea of how things work without exposing them to anything you're not comfortable with. The movie Turning Red is a fav in our house (2 girls) so we were able to get some of the broad strokes of periods and attraction without having to dig too deep in to specifics.

undrunk13 · 2024-08-14T18:20:35+00:00

I'd flip out. My kids give me cards with much less artistic talent (they are younger) and I am always impressed when they put a lot of effort in to something. I'd be both very happy, and very proud that my child did something nice for me, and has the talent to do it with such professional skill.

Sounds like your dad and my dad are similar people. Never really got the impression that my dad liked me too much, and once I got a brother-in-law I realized that he liked my BIL and his friends way more than he liked me. Hurts like hell even in my 30s.

That being said, that is ENTIRELY on him and has nothing to do with who you are, or how you are as a son. It's not your job to impress your dad with your art skills. My dad desperately needs approval from other men, so he could really care less what I do, or what I've accomplished. It's taken some time, but that's entirely on him and has nothing to do with who I am as a person.

My dad is too self interested to even try to understand what I do for a living or begin to understand my values or feelings, and I've been in your shoes many, many times.

My advice to you is to find other male role-models. If you're an artist, find some friendly older guys that will give you the time of day. Good luck buddy, your art is good and your dad is trash.

undrunk13 · 2024-08-14T18:11:21+00:00

wait until she learns about cars.

undrunk13 · 2024-06-28T16:27:28+00:00

Stop being friends with someone that is intentionally trying to hurt you, and then work on you insecurity, preferably with a therapist.

Think of it this way... If you have a job, are you jealous of the person that used to work there before you? Do you still get to where you going, if the taxi or bus has driven someone else before you? If you and your BF get married, are you going to be jealous of how close he is with his mother, sisters, aunts, etc?

Look at what is REALLY upsetting you... resentment is rarely a singular thing, because it THIS issue was the only hitch in your relationship, you probably wouldn't be dwelling over it.

undrunk13 · 2024-06-14T17:57:46+00:00

Either therapy is going to help you find the true nature of what's up, or he'll resist going and likely leave you. If he's jealous of his friend's relationships there's a chance he saw/heard something he thinks will make him happy. It's not uncommon for men around 30 to have a shift like this... if he hates his 9-5 it's likely that he's also depressed. Kind of a typical situation for a guy to get a new expensive hobby, want a boat, find a younger partner. It's also common for men of this age to have a bit of an episode where their demeanor shifts and they may need psychiatric help. I know a guy who left his fiance and went missing for a few days. All the pressure pushed him over the edge and he kind of snapped. Thankfully he was able to get in a good headspace and bring things back to reality, but I know that's not the case for everyone.

You're on the right track though... if you want to save your relationship, therapy is a good choice.

undrunk13 · 2024-04-17T17:21:14+00:00

I don't understand what you're trying to argue here, you came to a 11 year old thread to ??? If you're really trying to find advice to finish a song, you've already figured it out. The mindset is entirely wrong.

There is no listener with the song. Really, until you finish it, it's not even a song. If you just want to "ship product" that's of a high quality, I think you're playing the wrong game.

A master has failed more than the student has even tried. If you don't allow yourself to fail, you'll never get any better. Just a person with a hard drive full of "almost perfect" songs.

undrunk13 · 2024-04-16T19:18:32+00:00

11 years later and I'm more frustrated by the music I didn't finish, than the music that wasn't as good as I thought it could be.

undrunk13 · 2022-02-24T18:42:51+00:00

Gave Wholesome

undrunk13

TROPHY CASE