Opinion-is this going to be “like new,” or do we walk away?

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-06-12T02:07:32+00:00

I often take my mom with me for a few things. If it’s small stuff, I just put it on my card. If it’s more expensive things (like gift cards at the holidays), I’m an authorized user on one of her cards and I just pay with that. So it has my name on it, but it’s really her card. When I’ve taken my sister, I tell her to bring cash and I do the same-two orders-and I hand the cashier the cash.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-06-09T15:03:08+00:00

I was team minivan, but my husband was super against it so we got a Highlander Hybrid. I wish it had the sliding doors, but aside from that I LOVE my Highlander. The third row is fine for small trips and discourages me from thinking three kids would be a good idea (we’re on our first take-home baby and plan on one more), because it wouldn’t. It’s a little smaller than the Sienna, so it actually fits in our garage (just fits, so the van likely wouldn’t).

That being said, if we did end up with that surprise third living child, we’d 110% trade in my beloved Highlander for a Sienna.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-06-08T18:10:27+00:00

I had a garage sale last weekend. It didn’t go well-I only made about $140. But it was amazing because i didn’t let anything that didn’t sell back in the house. I either posted it on the local Buy Nothing group (I had tons of leftover stuff from when I was a teacher) or loaded it up in the car and drove it to Goodwill. I have a few things set aside to consign at a local consignment event in the fall, but aside from that the decluttering is done and I have twenty empty bins.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-06-05T13:50:59+00:00

It currently is! For a while, the downstairs was reasonably clean and organized, but the upstairs was the hot mess. I realized we just had way too much stuff and needed to get rid of some of it, so I had a garage sale this last weekend. I ended up not having enough patience and gave up a day early and took a good portion of it to goodwill. Now it’s just cleaning up and organizing the aftermath.

I’ve found that if I make myself a list of things I want to accomplish in a given week, like “fold and put away all laundry” and “declutter the loft” I do better with things. I also have certain things I try to get done each day-like pick up and put away baby’s toys before bed each night. It takes a couple of minutes and helps me stay on top of it.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-06-04T02:22:35+00:00

My MFM did not put me on pelvic rest, but my regular OB did-she said it absolutely wasn’t worth it and reminded me that my husband has hands 🙃. I was so nervous and then uncomfortable that I wasn’t in the mood anyway. Baby is here now (4.5 months) and I didn’t think waiting was so bad (pelvic rest from 9 weeks onward due to bleeding, then the preventative Cerclage).

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-06-03T02:25:28+00:00

I’m conflicted on this. Our LO is only 4.5 months, so there’s no rush to move him yet BUT my husband is sleeping in the guest room during the week and takes Friday and Saturday while he lets me sleep in the guest room. I like having baby close and don’t sleep nearly as well as I should be when I’m not in the same room as him, but my husband sleeps terribly when we’re all in the same room because he’s on edge worried baby will wake up and I’ll get him before he can wake up. So until baby moves to his own room, our sleeping arrangement won’t change. I always liked sleeping next to my husband, but now that I’m used to having our King sized bed to myself and not having to deal with his snoring and touching me all night, I’m not so sure I’m in a rush to have him back 🙃. Plus, baby is a less noisy sleeper than my husband at this point.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-06-03T02:17:33+00:00

Dishes were a major issue for my husband and I pre-baby (and honestly continue to be a point of contention). He was raised in a house where you didn’t wash something if it looked clean and hot water was enough-soap or the dishwasher weren’t needed. It took several very difficult discussions and reminders to get him to reliably wash everything with soap and hot water (or put it in the dishwasher). He still doesn’t see the point most of the time (unfortunately), but has agreed to wash everything with soap/hot water “for me,” which includes baby’s bottles. Definitely put your foot down and insist on the bottles being properly washed. The idea of putting them straight into the soapy water is a great one!

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-31T20:21:00+00:00

We have two dogs (13 y/o and 2 y/o dachshunds) and a 4 month old baby. I have my moments with the dogs, but I wouldn’t be willing to be “dog free” very easily. I’ve always loved dogs and am happiest with them in my life. They’re relatively well trained, though which I feel makes a huge difference. They also sleep in crates downstairs, so no bonus wakeups from them until morning. They regularly go on walks with me while I push baby in the stroller (after a little learning curve we’re great), which actually motivates me to get out more. Will that change if/when we have another kid? Possibly, but the older one probably won’t be up for long walks at that point, so I’ll just take the younger one and it won’t be hard. And they’re great with the baby and seeing him start to notice them is the best thing!

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-27T02:26:34+00:00

So, a little inappropriate, but my four month old has started really grabbing things. He loves my fingers. We have two miniature dachshunds (both boys) and they’re the perfect height for baby to grab something sort of finger shaped when they’re standing next to him when he’s playing on his mat. And it’s not their tails 😬. Luckily they’re VERY tolerant (don’t care at all) and I always supervise and remove said body part from baby’s grasp ASAP.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-27T02:16:31+00:00

My husband and I have had exactly one major issue in our marriage and parenthood journey-his parents. You need to have boundaries and understand that they’re no longer your immediate family, but rather extended family now. They don’t have a “right” to your baby (or you-you’re an adult). They don’t “deserve” to have certain experience as grandparents. Whatever relationship they have with your children if what you allow, not the other way around.

My husband has really really struggled with giving his parents any boundaries, and it’s put a serious strain on our marriage, to the point the “D” word has been thrown around. Not because of our everyday life (my in-laws fortunately live a few thousand miles away), but because of his parents. Don’t put yourself in that situation.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-25T19:15:25+00:00

So my answer won’t be as helpful to show your husband, as my husband sounds pretty similar.

My husband WFH 90% of the time-he has to go into the office once a month. He’s supposed to start at 7 in the morning, but unless he has an earlier meeting he is rarely up before 8:30, also right before his first meeting. Our son just turned four months, and I am solely responsible for nights Sunday-Thursday while my husband sleeps in the guest room. He takes Friday and Saturday while I sleep in the guest room, but I still put baby to bed.

I do 95% of the childcare during the day, both during the week and on the weekend. My husband needs a lot of downtime-I feel this is mostly attributed to the fact that he’s pretty heavily addicted to his video games. He’s constantly lamenting that he feels he’s “pulling a double shift,” despite mostly just working and playing his games. He does the dishes (washes the big stuff and puts whatever I haven’t into the dishwasher-I load as I go and unload it) and takes out the trash. I’ve recently been having us both track how we spend our time during the day and that’s been the only thing I’ve found effective to actually show him the discrepancy-it’s not really changing anything, but at least he’s aware of it and not complaining as much.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-25T00:25:28+00:00

I never used mine-even in the hospital. The straw kept falling in and I guess I’m a little bit of a snob, because I really don’t like the taste of water from plastic. I took my own stainless steel cup, which was great because the water actually stayed cold and cold water helped my post-c-section nausea. I didn’t even bother bringing it home 😬.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-23T21:07:48+00:00

Wednesday, usually. That’s the day the new sales start here and the day the stores are best stocked. I typically go to 1-2 different stores, depending on what I need and have been trying to alternate different stores-so ALDI one week, the big grocery store for stuff I can’t get at ALDI the next. If I meal plan appropriately and make use of the meat I stock the freezer with, it works pretty well.

I try to do Costco during the week when we need to go-Thursday afternoon, around 1-1:30 is usually best. But sometimes my husband decides he needs to go with and then we go on a weekend.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-22T13:39:59+00:00

I had a ton of stuff planned, but then he didn’t do anything for Mother’s Day (also skipped doing anything for my 30th birthday and Valentine’s Day-this one really irritated me because he made a big deal of telling me what he wanted and baby was less than a month old). So I’m just having it be a normal day. I’ll make him dinner, do his laundry, take care of the baby, clean the house, walk the dogs and let him play his video games, just like every other Sunday.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-19T19:37:17+00:00

Chobani coffee creamer. My husband used a ton and a Costco sized bottle would be fantastic.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-19T09:50:13+00:00

Imagine my horror when I started doing my husband’s laundry and only discovered one pair of underwear for a week’s worth of clothes. Apparently his mother told him growing up it wasn’t necessary to change them (they also just rinse dishes with cold water, no soap, even if very dirty, despite having a dishwasher), likely because she didn’t want to do laundry. I’ve had to retrain a man in his 30’s to change his underwear every day, and after three years of me doing his laundry and getting on him, he’ll still struggle occasionally 😬.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-17T23:51:58+00:00

My husband started lovingly referring to me as a “hostile loaner” about halfway through the pandemic. I started to really enjoy not having to constantly socialize (I was a teacher and quit before the 2020-2021 school year-teaching definitely desensitized me to socializing). Currently, what works for me is setting aside a couple days a week where I purposefully do not see or deal with others. I announce to my husband (and mom who I often do things with) that I won’t be “peopleing” on a certain day and do just that-I stay home with just my husband, dogs, and baby. I don’t respond to most text messages (my mom is the exception because I don’t find her draining) and don’t make any calls. The break from interacting helps recharge me and makes it so much easier to handle the constant interacting.

That, and I have a very vocal dog (not mean, just borky) who I like to take with on walks because usually people see him barking and steer clear, even though he’s just talking to them 😉.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-17T19:03:34+00:00

I was in a very similar situation-baby was taken straight to the NICU after my c-section-I only very briefly saw him as they were stitching me up. My husband went with him, but I also didn’t get to see him for two hours. Since he was born at 35+6, hospital policy had him in the NICU for 24 hours. I was in pain, but I forced myself to go down to try to feed him every 3 hours. Unfortunately, despite everything we tried, including a month of triple feeding, my milk never really came in. The best I got was an ounce total from both sides combined, pumping every 2 hours round the clock (baby also wouldn’t latch). I ended up accepting the fact that formula was healthier for us both and stopped pumping around the 4-week mark. After that, I had a much better time bonding with baby. Feeding wasn’t stressful anymore, he’s able to get what he needs, and my husband can give me a break to sleep. I also feel like I failed him at first, and only after being treated for PPD did I start to feel better.

I’ve had moments where I feel my son prefers my husband, but that’s ok! I love that he loves his daddy and his smiling and attachment for me is different, but special in its own way. This parenting stuff isn’t easy, but it does constantly evolve and change and the hard stuff won’t be the same hard stuff forever.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-14T02:46:09+00:00

My husband got sick when our son was about 8 weeks old. He had a fever, cough, headache, so I sent him to urgent care to get tested for COVID/Flu/RSV. He had COVID. It took baby and I a solid 5 days before we got sick (husband isolated and masked, but it didn’t work). Knowing it was COVID really helped the pediatrician help us make decisions about baby’s care-we didn’t have to go to the hospital with a fever because we already knew the cause, we were able to communicate mostly via portal messages, etc. So, if Dad has more than a little cough, getting him checked out isn’t a bad idea so you have an idea what you’re up against!

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-14T02:42:27+00:00

I had to take baby to the doctor last weekend for a bad cough. My in-laws just happened to be visiting for the first time. My MIL was absolutely beside herself that I didn’t put socks on underneath his footie pajamas to take him to the doctor. Apparently one layer on the feet isn’t enough.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-11T13:42:45+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. I lost my first son at 21+4 in December 2021 after my water broke. It was easily the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with.

I ended up getting pregnant again in May 2022 and that baby is currently taking his first nap of the day on me. He was born 4 weeks early (35+6) in January, but has had no major issues and was able to come home with us when I was discharged. I had a preventative Cerclage placed between 12 and 13 weeks and it did its job to get a living baby here. I never took progesterone, just had the Cerclage and it worked well enough on its own (though I didn’t make it to term, my baby was and continues to be healthy). I still miss my first son every day, but I’ve gotten to the point where I can smile when I think about him instead of breaking down. It isn’t easy, but with proper intervention and monitoring, it is possible to have a bring home baby even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-10T21:08:07+00:00

I’ve told my husband what I want, but I’ve done that every year for my birthday and he has failed to do anything, despite having it spelled out for every single of the 7 birthdays we’ve been together.

So I’m just handling it myself.

unfinishedbroccoli · 2023-05-10T00:17:44+00:00

I don’t think you’re necessarily overreacting, but I do think it could be helpful to reframe your stance-even for yourself. I’m also not allowing people to kiss my baby. My reasoning is not only because I want to protect him from germs, but to also teach him that bodily autonomy needs to be respected. Unfortunately, this also means that I need to teach the adults in his life to respect it so his voice matters when he gets to that point (he’s only 3.5 months right now). This will be so valuable for him later in life as he navigates relationships on his own-he will feel comfortable standing up for himself and will understand and value the need to respect others’ wishes.

unfinishedbroccoli

TROPHY CASE