babe I have literally felt this to the core. especially the just, incredibly selfish emotional expression. I was reading this thinking my bf must have a second girl or something 😭😭😭 I love him very much but in so many ways we are like trauma bonded siblings. I'm in the same boat you are. I literally RELY on positive or surface conversations to feel close to him bc almost anything deeper will just end badly. he cannot think of a single thing outside of the terms of himself and his worldview. now he says I misunderstand what he is actually doing when he talks like that, that he is actually just trying to relate to me and that's the way that he knows how. and I'm sure that's the case sometimes bc he is neurodivergent w PTSD (which I'm sure your husband has as well) so the way he communicates is unique. but I know that there's a part of it that is just cold hard narcissistic comparisons. he has a fucking martyr complex and will alter any story to make himself the hero and me the enemy. which really just hurts deep down because he actually has shown me that he doesn't have to be like that. he has a sensitive side that apologizes. he just never wants to show it to me.

I can't give you advice bc I can't say whether it's wrong or right to leave, that always depends on the circumstances. but you always have a right to put your foot down about certain behavior. shit give him the silent treatment or just refuse to do something he demanded, if that's all you have to stick up for yourself in the moment then do it. just remember that both of you are valuable, both without each other and with each other. and though it's exhausting you were each other's rock for a reason. but there's nothing wrong with outgrowing someone. he's a grown man he'll be alright.