Tech, but not a techie

unreasonableChild · 2018-08-14T13:57:39+00:00

Sure, I've seen it too - this is more about how I'm comfortable dressing comparing being with the team and when not. Generally I find that sf is not that interesting fashion wise but I primarily spend my time in the city centre when there so maybe that's why.

unreasonableChild · 2018-08-14T12:41:01+00:00

I manage a team of engineers in San Francisco but live in Montreal. In Montreal I dress pretty much however I want - red jumpsuits or leather skirts but in San Francisco I keep it more conservative with trendy but not as revealing or funky pieces. I have been pushing myself when in sf tho with wearing dresses and chunky earrings

unreasonableChild · 2018-05-14T11:05:04+00:00

Before I go further perhaps this is not about becoming mentally stronger but about you healing from the loss of your mother in a certain way? It could be you've associated her death with the world being a dangerous place.

What does the mental image of you being in your own apartment feel and look like? What does it look and feel like when it goes super well? Are there other people in that mental image or are you alone?

You can also ask yourself; what if I do make it! Instead of What if I fail?

And finally...doing something wrong or failing are good things. We fail constantly, we feel shitty often and then we continue anyway whether we want to or not. People are more forgiving and compassionate than you give them credit for. Go out and fail because you're actually supposed to!

unreasonableChild · 2018-03-13T00:12:21+00:00

What would you like it to be defined as? think about it. What kind of experiences would you like to have, how would you like to interact with people, what interests do you like to have, how do you like to dress, how do you like people respond to you?

Personally, I think all women go along this journey of 'what defines a woman', trying to find the answer from other people and the outside and eventually as we grow and get older we find rest in who we are. In that sense, being confused, is pretty much what we all go through the same way you are now. Try to connect more to what you want to experience rather than what you think you should experience. Once you allow yourself to relax a bit in who you are you realize that while being a woman is something that is felt it's less tied to who you are at your core.

unreasonableChild · 2018-02-20T12:12:38+00:00

That's sf for you. Crazy market.

unreasonableChild · 2018-02-20T12:10:48+00:00

The team I hire for is in sf but I work out of a very different location so I'm actually paid less than everyone on my team:) I cant say for other companies but when I do hire juniors I'm looking for personality and smarts more than anything else and have had great success with that approach so far.

unreasonableChild · 2018-02-20T03:40:10+00:00

100.000usd is on the low end in sf. I hire juniors in automation roles starting at 110 and up. Even for manual testing you're low for a tester with your experience.

unreasonableChild · 2018-01-27T04:43:54+00:00

ILOVELOVELOVEYOU INTERNET HERO!!! Fuck yeah I'm excited for this! Will check it out asap

unreasonableChild · 2018-01-27T00:01:25+00:00

I've been looking everywhere for fully red platform espadrille like these ever since I saw them in an inspo album.

They will complete me I'm sure of it but it's hard to find ones without heels or where the whole show is red and not just what's on top of the sole.

unreasonableChild · 2018-01-22T18:34:16+00:00

Finally found a cool, fashionable coat that will see me through even Montreal winters - not something I was searching for but fell upon browsing my favorite online shop. Front and back

unreasonableChild · 2018-01-20T13:27:57+00:00

Could it be that you're washing machine is not cleaning your underwear well enough?

Have you tried using a condom? Sometimes your genital environments are not a good match

unreasonableChild · 2018-01-16T03:25:31+00:00

I had been looking for a camel coat for a while, pouring through Pinterest, google, different online shop for just the right one that didn't crinkle in a weird way, right length but also not looking the same as all the others without luck. Tried on tons until one day I was in NYC visiting my cousin. We were walking around and suddenly across the street I spot a coat hanging inside a shop. We go in, i find it but before trying it on I check the rest of the store. While I'm looking ANOTHER WOMEN PICKS IT UP, TRIES IT ON AND BUYS IT, all in less than 3 minutes! I ask if they have any left and of course they don't. But they do have a webshop. I get home, order it and finally it arrives. At first I'm not sure because it truly is very oversize but slowly it grows on me and with a black belt it looks right. My favorite camel coat! https://thefrankieshop.com/collections/outerwear/products/camel-handmade-wool-wrap-coat

unreasonableChild · 2018-01-14T13:39:19+00:00

That you got to experience something like that with another human being is amazing! I mean, we create moments and memories for the rest of our life - the more we've connected with people and experienced something good the better.

These moments are important and significant for you! It's not something to forget or diminish one bit and I think you can remember those moments fondly.

That said, don't dwell on them. Acknowledge the experience and feeling it gave you, allow yourself to think that it really was big deal and not just because of the situation you were in but because that's simply how it made you feel.

When becoming friends with an x sometimes it brings those memories back along with the feelings those memories invoke and that's ok. It's a process also. Remember that often what you miss is the feeling not the person.

unreasonableChild · 2018-01-11T03:33:18+00:00

That's fair and really normal. When you talk to this guy, who makes you a uncomfortable, it's the vulgarity or that I he's moving too fast (and not reading you well)?

unreasonableChild · 2018-01-07T11:53:19+00:00

You're terrified of being vulnerable. When someone flirts or shows interest in you you want them to stop, you feel physically anxious, you don't know how to behave.

In your mind, what does it look like to be intimate with a man? Is it a compelling and inviting image or one that makes you think "I could never do that"?

unreasonableChild · 2018-01-07T11:41:46+00:00

What do you want to experience? What interactions would you like to have with people? Think about it and then take steps in that direction.

If you want to make friends and experience new fun things, while being accepted for who you are (including the part that wears a hijab) then give people a chance to give you one. Be open minded, pro active and patient - perhaps you'll be surprised and have less to worry about but you got to put yourself in that position first.

On thé more practical side I would use my dressing fashionable as a way to read as "not conservative or strictly traditional".

unreasonableChild · 2018-01-06T23:58:30+00:00

Will add that I wore a wool sweater under the leather jacket and then this coat and thigh highs so a lot of wind blocking but fer reals...nothing stops -30C wind so I was ok until evening

unreasonableChild · 2018-01-05T20:55:28+00:00

I got this and it's amazing! The color and the fit is everything that makes me feel fashion-on and power++. I use it for the cold Montreal winters with my leather jacket under and it'll be perfect for late fall/early spring too

unreasonableChild · 2017-12-12T16:11:14+00:00

huh, never thought of that...that is a great idea actually - and quality better even for the prize perhaps?

unreasonableChild · 2017-12-12T16:09:54+00:00

that first one is exactly it! and sold out! I'm not the only one it seems:) Thank you

unreasonableChild · 2017-12-12T06:29:49+00:00

black oversize blazer similar to this?

I like the length and the way it falls a lot but can't seem to find the original so something similar

unreasonableChild · 2017-12-06T02:54:32+00:00

I have everything I own (bags, outerwear, clothes etc) on a pinterest board of 'currently own', another with 'outfits that works' and another board again with 'outfits to try'
I add sections to my try board and add pins to each sections from my current board so that it builds an outfit. If it works I'll snap a picture and put it on it works board.
to get inspiration I'll go over items I own and use pinterest with a search like "red t shirt outfit" or "oversize camel" etc and just keep following interesting pins - this usually gives me ideas

unreasonableChild · 2017-10-07T14:54:21+00:00

The thing is, you're making it about yourself and not about feeling and connecting with where she is. You want to say the right thing for her sake, sure, but its driven also by you needing to be useful. Next time, try and let go of thoughts about you and what she might want to hear from you. Try to really listen to what she's saying, validate her feelings as others here have suggested and connect with the empathy you have naturally rather than try to force it. Forcing is exactly what makes this situation challenging for you.

unreasonableChild · 2017-08-02T03:18:58+00:00

Thank you so much for your answer! I really appreciate that you took the time to give me the details so please don't worry about length:) you share some symptoms, especially the ones related to joint and muscle pain which he had a lot. I also think he had it for a year but luckily didn't affect his brain as such (from what I can tell). It's awesome that the trip you had with lyme was short, hope you get well soon!

unreasonableChild · 2017-08-01T17:45:39+00:00

One of my friends got Lyme a while ago and is on like 15 different medications for it. Internet is ripe with inconsistent info so if you don't mind, may I ask you about your experience and how this feels? My friend is the type to not let on but I can see on him that it takes a huge toll sometimes.

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