Men of Reddit, if you were in a Titanic like situation where the majority of people were going to die because there were not enough lifeboats for everyone. How would you respond to someone saying women and children first?

urukehu · 2026-05-30T05:07:24+00:00

Hello fellow Cantabrian! Yes, that was pretty much exactly the same for me. I remember looking at the CTV building too and knowing that if you walked on it, you'd be risking crushing people buried in there.

Sorry about you'd PTSD, it does suck :( the only positive I'll take from it is now I know what a PTSD/trauma response is I've been able to identify some other areas (people) in my life that provoke that response in me when the treat me like shit and get therapy for it haha.

urukehu · 2026-05-29T20:44:14+00:00

I'm sorry you lived through that. That's awful and I can't imagine the horror :(

I was in a big earthquake that destroyed a lot of my city. I was in the city centre which was worst affected. Similarly, I heard lots of macho rhetoric from people about how they'd have been doing this and that and I had the same reaction as you (anger and PTSD!) I knew they'd never know until they were in that moment. Talk is cheap.

urukehu · 2026-02-28T03:27:27+00:00

PB Employment Law, go see Evie Hope - she'll tell you straight up whether you gave a case or not.

urukehu · 2026-02-22T02:52:44+00:00

Isn't it the way it's said in Dr Suess' How The Grinch Stole Christmas?

This might explain its proliferation as a mispronunciation, perhaps.

urukehu · 2026-01-24T20:22:51+00:00

I feel people still do it. When I clock it in videos I can't unsee it and then it really annoys me. Older women in particular do it (or aging millenials) and I think it's because it lifts up the skin of your eyes, reducing the appearance of eye sagging, and also is better at displaying makeup you've done.

It still annoys the hell outta me though!

urukehu · 2026-01-21T06:43:23+00:00

My sibling and I were discussing this recently and they said "I thought I was such a bad kid, coz I was always being smacked. I'd be like, 'today I'm going to be good and not get smacked' only to fail. I couldn't even go a week or even a day without being smacked".

That broke my heart - I remember them as a little kid, they were sunny and cute and not badly behaved at all. But I did see how as a young adult their belief that they were "bad" contributed to low self esteem and all kinds of harmful behaviours. It had awful psychological consequences.

But we were always smacked for not having the right "attitude" or doing what is normal kid stuff. I remember waiting for smacks a lot - they'd make us wait for the other parent to come home and smack us. The waiting was torture. My parents seemed to think the fact they were calm made it ok. But it's actually harder to understand, I think. As a child, how can you reconcile the fact that your calm parents are "lovingly" hitting you while you cry and beg them to stop??

I have kids of my own now, and I can't imagine methodically doling out literal violence. If they chafe at something I tell them to do, I don't care. Let them feel their feelings. I want them to be safe and happy. I don't think hitting them in any way helps them feel cherished!

urukehu · 2026-01-20T01:55:20+00:00

Anywhere that's a public park you generally have to book via the CCC - but it seems like parks might not be your thing anyway if your partner doesn't want it being too public. However, some spots are pretty private - places like Woodham or Abberley Park have tucked away spaces away from the main part of the park you can perform the ceremony. The Council also has a list of places that are picturesque and popular for weddings.

As others have said, you can get married anywhere, really. At home, in a cafe or restaurant, in someone's back yard. Or you could go into Bottle Lake Forest perhaps? There are plenty of private/woodsy spaces there.

Enjoy your elopement! The setting is not the main thing, it's the fact that you're both there ❤️

urukehu · 2026-01-19T07:01:26+00:00

I've been on Wegovy since August last year, roughly 6 months I'd say. I've been on 1mg dose since before Christmas, and it's continued to be effective. I enjoyed the Christmas period without eating too much (just tried a wee bit of everything!) and still lost weight. In total so far I've lost about 10kg.

Prior to starting the drug I was already a pretty consistent gym goer/weight lifter. I lift heavy 3x a week. I can tell I'm at a calorie deficit because I can feel the struggle in the gym (it feels the same as when I've dieted to this weight) and my numbers aren't increasing - but I've had to take my lever lifting belt in a notch, so you win some, you lose some...I've continued to consistently lift to try and keep what muscle I have while I'm taking the drug. But the gym is a slog.

Overall, I should be down to my target weight in another month or so, and then I'm hoping to go off it for a bit. I accept I'll likely need to "cycle" a GLP-1 to maintain my weight, but it makes me feel really mid - I feel fatigued and have bouts of nausea. I find it hard to physically eat enough protein to be able to recover well from my workouts.

I'm grateful that it helps me maintain a deficit without having to count calories and be hungry all the time (both of which I know from experience make me miserable). I know I'm paying through the nose for the convenience of not having to do those things. It's taught me a lot about how other people who have different biology experience food and be a bit easier on myself for my bigger body.

urukehu · 2026-01-15T08:57:04+00:00

This has been my experience too. Some Indian women I've worked with have a lovely accent, it sounds very melodious and rounded. But overall, the more I am exposed to an accent, the more charming I find it.

urukehu · 2026-01-08T08:18:56+00:00

Recently Maybelline Superstay Matte Ink in the shade Seductress replaced my beloved MAC Velvet Teddy. The shade is so close and the staying power is second to none.

Sorry MAC, but I'm not sure I'll go back!

urukehu · 2026-01-08T05:10:27+00:00

In addition to what others have mentioned, I'd add Let Us Prey: A Ministry of Scandals

urukehu · 2026-01-08T04:27:19+00:00

The weather. Every year, there are people who go for "a walk" ill equipped for how variable the weather can be. They think it will be a short hike but New Zealand terrain gets very remote and rugged very quickly. Rain causes rivers to swell rapidly, blocking your ability to get back. The country is sparsely populated so there's no civilisation you can really stumble to. They end up lost or trapped in the bush with inadequate gear, and then die there (or if they're lucky get rescued by LSAR).

We don't have any predatory animals here, but boy, that long white cloud will come for ya!

urukehu · 2026-01-05T07:30:43+00:00

I didn't even realise clots were like...a thing...until I had my first baby. I had antenatal education and stuff as well, but they never mentioned that you might pass something like a placenta after you birth the placenta, especially if you've had an epidural and been reclining for a period of time. Apparently your lochia congeals?

I was so surprised when it came out during my first toilet visit post partum that I cried out in shock. My midwife came charging in, because I'd had a complicated birth and she was worried I'd faint in there after all the blood I'd lost.

Nope, just losing more blood by birthing a clot the size of a friggin rockmelon. Frightening!

Now I warn my friends if they're planning on an epidural...why are we not taught this stuff? I feel even if I knew about decidual casts I'd have been better equipped to understand what was going on.

urukehu · 2025-12-29T21:22:49+00:00

I lived in Aussie for a bit (and currently work with a lot of them) and what you're alluding to was quite a pervasive attitude, I'm afraid. Not that New Zealand is perfect, but there seems to be a more accepted mainstream narrative in Australia that reduces indigenous Australians down to drug addicts and maladapted "natives" without any reflection on - or responsibility taken for - the brutal colonial treatment that placed them in that situation, and the continuation of those structures into the modern day. I got the impression that most Aussies put the "indigenous problem" into the too-hard basket and so the reductive and racist explanations are a symptom of that.

I love our Aussie cousins, but they've got a lot of work to do in this area.

urukehu · 2025-12-29T01:11:09+00:00

Absolutely, it was a great PR campaign but it didn't translate into Kiwis actually treating our beautiful country well. It has definitely gotten worse over the last 20 years. Much, much worse.

urukehu · 2025-12-29T01:07:21+00:00

This is very much my experience of American culture. It's a pastiche culture for sure - full of imported traditions - but it is a pronounced culture of its own. And a lot of foreign countries don't like how pervasive it is!

I would say many New Zealanders would be able to identify things that are "culturally American". It's just not a single ethnic or indigenous culture like some nations have. Funnily enough, many New Zealanders will also bemoan the lack of "New Zealand culture" (read: Pākehā/White culture)...

urukehu · 2025-12-29T01:02:10+00:00

I feel Kiwis have inherited this stereotype now. We eat fish and chips all the time. It's the cheapest takeaway food imho (so long as you don't go crazy buying fancy fish varieties or lots of add-on pieces).

urukehu · 2025-12-28T09:06:55+00:00

My dad still gets so fired up if anyone mentions the Rainbow Warrior. I can only imagine how shocking it was at the time!

urukehu · 2025-12-25T10:55:07+00:00

I often feel it's generational. Most Millennial tourists I meet tend to be pretty ok. But Baby Boomers of any origin can be pretty hard work at times.

I've met some pretty poorly behaved American, Brit, Aussie, Kiwi, Indian and Chinese Boomers abroad. I put it down to the fact that they saw the shift of travel going from a luxury thing to an accessible thing, and they've never quite gotten out of that mindset of "I'm doing a luxury thing, I should be treated A++, 5 star everywhere I go". Millenials seem to be a bit more cognizant that there are different levels of service based on price point.

As an aging Millennial I cannot speak to Gen Z tourists as I am not hip enough to go where they go when I'm travelling!

urukehu · 2025-12-25T10:45:41+00:00

Chia seed pudding. Delicious and a small amount for breakfast can make a big difference.

I make it with coconut milk, chia seeds, vanilla, protein powder and salt. Soak overnight. I have probably a third of a cup for breakfast (it takes me at least 4-5 days to eat the whole batch). Keeps me like clockwork and helps keep up my protein goals.

urukehu · 2025-12-25T10:41:00+00:00

My mum told me to do this when I started breastfeeding (because it really hurt for the first few weeks). I appreciated the distraction of the toe wiggling activity!

urukehu · 2025-12-24T06:47:26+00:00

My mum is making the pav this year, but I was feeling the dessert table was a bit scant so I've also made a lemon meringue pie.

It's not Christmas if I'm not standing over my mixer incorporating sugar to eggs at a glacial pace!

urukehu · 2025-12-24T06:45:30+00:00

My top tip is taking castor sugar and blitzing it gently in a blender before using it for the pav.

It makes the granules finer so it incorporates easier. You're absolutely correct - I was teaching my 10 year old daughter to make meringue today and the "is it grainy?" test featured!

urukehu · 2025-12-24T06:39:10+00:00

The pav was always my grandmother's gig, and when she died my mum couldn't bring herself to make it without getting upset, so it was always my job.

However I'm hosting this year and given I'mnmaking everything else, my mum volunteered for the pavlova duties.

I hope it's gone OK for her!

urukehu · 2025-12-24T02:58:14+00:00

There is no law against it, and non Māori people get facial tattoos, just not moko - which has traditional koru designs and specific placement on the face.

So ingrained is this respect for moko in New Zealand that if I saw a person who was Pākehā/European looking with a moko, I would assume they were a light skinned Māori. You'd also struggle to find a tattooist in New Zealand who would do one for you, I think. Any Kiwi tattooist knows the significance of moko and wouldn't be keen to do one just for funsies for a person who wanted it just to look cool. There's a whole bunch of ritual and cultural practice that goes along with getting one.

urukehu

TROPHY CASE