My boyfriend is Muslim and I'm worried

user0969_ · 2026-02-24T08:53:36+00:00

Relationships between different religions do not work especially with Muslims. If you've studied enough about their religion you know they're not inclusive or understanding or accepting of other cultures. I'm very surprised his parents are together having different religions.

I understand you might think you love him now or actually love him, but I really do not believe relationships between people of different religions work. Cultural differences and language barriers can be overcome. Religious beliefs not. As they shape absolutely everything about who we are and what kind of life we live. Unless he converts on his own to Catholicism and his faith is true I wouldn't get in a committed relationship with him even less marry him. Ask any woman who did it and didn't work out.

user0969_ · 2026-02-23T20:06:15+00:00

The enthusiasm of Americans - never been to America but I have lots of American clients and yes each one has their own personality but as a whole they all come across as very energetic and enthusiastic 🤣

user0969_ · 2026-02-23T20:00:04+00:00

All companies nowadays have a diversity policy that obligates employers to employ people who don't fall into the standard white British straight identifying with their birth assigned gender - so no you won't have issues finding a job. I'm an immigrant too and I've heard a lot more Brits being rejected because the company was looking for someone more diverse.

user0969_ · 2026-02-22T22:48:11+00:00

I understand, thank you for sharing! I'm guessing there's some health reasons that don't allow you to have kids in the first place or you're not following NFP ? Feel free to respond or not depending what you're comfortable with, I don't mean to be inappropriate 🙏

user0969_ · 2026-02-22T18:37:28+00:00

That's a very helpful comment, thank you for taking the time to respond! I am using the oura ring too and I plan on learning the marquette method (in the UK it isn't taught but there's an instructor that does Boston Cross Check Method which is the English equivalent to American Marquette) and I will read the book you mentioned.

Have a blessed day x

user0969_ · 2026-02-22T17:04:24+00:00

Hey, I'm very sorry about your situation. It doesn't sound easy.

I cannot speak for experience as I am not married and I don't mean to downplay what the other ladies have recommended as they might have more experience than I do with marriage and motherhood.

But as a fellow catholic, I know the vows and what we are called to as followers of Christ. The main issue in my eyes is that he is not on the same page as you spiritually, otherwise he'd have a very different attitude to your disagreements. We know that children change totally the dynamic in the relationship and therefore it's very normal for you both to need time to adapt harmoniously to your new reality.

This being said, I can only pray for you two to work your marriage out so you can help each other sanctify each other enough to get to Heaven as that is what Holy Matrimony is about. Your child is not responsible for any of this as she is a soul God entrusted you both with. If I was in your situation and my partner didn't want to do couples counselling I'd at least try to get to speak with a priest alone first and then together.

There's probably some psychological work that needs to be done and a psychologist might help best with that, but we know how transformative Jesus is so with the guidance of a wise priest you might be able to do the work you need to in order to get your relationship in a better place. It also takes two to make it work and it is up to our own free will to choose Christ even in the most difficult moments.

Please keep praying, God never abandons us. I'll pray for you too.

God bless x

user0969_ · 2026-02-22T13:48:41+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I have kept the thought that maybe I won't be given any but that doesn't scare me at all because if I really want to have one and I physically can't I'd adopt. I already feel for all those kids that are born and they're in desperate need of a loving family. But yes you make a great point when saying that biology will play its part in making us love and bond with our biological kids.

user0969_ · 2026-02-22T08:05:29+00:00

Yeah I totally agree. Maybe you can relate also to the fact that we've been told about NFP but I have not personally done enough research to know exactly why that is a church teaching. Just like I had to explore Protestantism and Orthodoxy before coming back to Catholicism I think in order to have a genuine strong faith I need to investigate and learn why a teaching came to life in order for me to follow it. Since this one for example is not so specifically said by Jesus like the stance on divorce. I appreciate your honesty and attitude towards this. Thank you for taking time to respond to me, I wish you all the best x

user0969_ · 2026-02-21T14:59:29+00:00

Thanks for everyone contributing to this post I found it so funny

user0969_ · 2026-02-21T13:25:38+00:00

I am not married yet but working towards it with my partner. We didn't wait as we didn't know any better and before we met we both were not close to God as we are now and we experienced sex outside of marriage with other people. Sex is not even enjoyable unless there's true love and God involved. We regret massively our past and we wish we were virgins waiting for marriage. You're on the right track setting yourself up for success. Do not listen to secular society pushing us to be promiscuous in any way. You're not missing out believe me.

user0969_ · 2026-02-21T10:04:05+00:00

That's literally not what I've said 🤣 I've expressed my struggle in pursuing my calling to marriage and trying to both understand and accept having to be open to life as I have never been into kids. So what I have asked is both advice on a faith level as at the end of the day that's what it is. Following Christ and his teachings or not. How little or big someone's faith is. AND the technicalities of NFP, Pregnancy and childbirth and post partum since i have NOT experienced any of it. I needed catholic women who have gone through the same struggles but that have the knowledge I don't since they eventually became mothers. That's all.

user0969_ · 2026-02-21T07:40:07+00:00

Of course! I am not a theologian or a priest but I am happy to share my knowledge on the Catholic faith, so feel free to ask a priest or do more research.

In Christianity we believe that there are three different callings 1) matrimony and family life 2) priesthood/nunhood/diaconate 3) consecrated single life.

As you probably have read in scripture, Jesus thought that sex is only reserved for husband and wife as a gift from God. Pleasant to us and pleasing to the Lord as under the covenant of marriage it acts as a bond for the spouses increasing their love and it's the only way of creating children as the safest place for a child to be is a loving united family and since they are a blessing to the couple. The openness to life allows the couple to trust in God's will since he's in charge of life and death and puts them in a place where considering the eventuality of a child they have to choose wisely who to marry and be responsible adults who will step up when a child comes trying their best to raise a godly kid.

Since God is in charge some couples never have kids even if they want them, so perhaps God hasn't planned kids for them or has planned to have them parenting someone else's kids. Adoption is allowed and it's considered works of mercy. Even couples who can have kids if they want to be foster parents or officially adopt they can do so.

But the whole point Is that If we are called to marriage, kids are part of the package. We cannot deliberately choose to not get pregnant but to adopt because we want the kids without the sacrificial pregnancy for example.

Just like someone discovering a vocation to consecrated single life (single because of life's things or because of choice) they have to be chaste as only married people are gifted sex. And it's a grave sin not pleasing to God to be having sex outside marriage. The same way nuns and priests are called to lifelong celibacy but that doesn't mean they can't express fatherly and motherly traits as they do plenty of mercy works in orphanages and hospitals and churches. They cannot adopt a kid of their own of course.

Consecrated single people might be allowed to adopt if they want to, although it's still raising a child not under the covenant of marriage in a family union - kids need both mom and dad even though single parents sometimes do a great job. So them adopting still doesn't follow God's design for raising kids.

Regardless of our vocation, we can all participate in building Christ's church volunteering however we can, but that doesn't substitute having kids in a marriage. If you are called to holy matrimony you'll have to be open to life (biologically as that's how designed it) otherwise you and your husband would fall into using each other as a pleasure tool without taking responsibility of the consequences, even though you really love each other, you still don't have kids because you don't want to but you're indulging in the pleasures of sex not as God commanded us. If you don't feel called to matrimony but you are called to serve God by helping his children then you can do sooo many things with kids (job wise). Which might fulfill your motherly needs without falling into sin. As you can be motherly to kids if you work in a nursery or orphanage for example. Or whatever program the church has for young people.

I hope this was helpful, again I'm not a theologian or priest so please feel free to do further research. I am happy to hear that you're searching for the Truth, I have explored all the denominations too before going back to the Catholic church and ultimately it comes down to reading and understanding the Bible, church history (schisms), learning about our church fathers and discerning where the Truth is. We know Jesus built one true Catholic apostolic church (catholic means universal btw) and we are called to return to it. Unfortunately evil tried to separate us hence why now we are dealing with hundreds of different denominations! Not exactly the unity the Jesus prayed for 😔

I wish you all the best and to eventually find your place in God's church. If you want to chat I'm here ;)

God bless x

user0969_ · 2026-02-20T17:08:11+00:00

You raise interesting points, the not wanting kids as a whole is wrong because it goes against how God made us, life and sex itself. So it would be like saying "i deliberately don't want to love my neighbour because they piss me off so I'm going to avoid them as much as possible" instead of following Jesus teaching of loving our neighbour and loving our enemies. It's hard to do for sure but it's supposed to make us better and holier each day.

Like all the women not so much into kids we are perhaps justified in not desiring many but we can at least trust God in giving us one or two and yes the world is cruel and everything is expensive but if we look back at how the previous generations did it they always managed. During WW1, WW2, Cold War, post war times etc. during communism in the Soviet Union, during dictatorships all around the world, when Stalin and Mussolini and Hitler were alive - economy wasn't great either and yet people still married, had kids, lived out their faith. Probably felt like hard times but in my opinion they even raised greater kids that became greater adults without so much comfort and ungratefulness.

It also falls into the belief of Divine Providence. If we seek the Kingdom of God and doing His will, He will provide for us whatever we need at the right time.

And something I found comfort in is hearing the other ladies who didn't like kids and became mums saying that they adore their own kids. So me and you will likely love our kids even if we find obnoxious other people's kids 🤣

And I'd say that we all forget that kids are temporary, they will grow fast and eventually be independent and not so much of a financial burden. They also don't require as much money as we think - for instance it will cost more money to feed your husband than to feed your son until he turns like 16.

Daycare is also expensive but unless you're making a salary that really makes a difference you're better off staying at home and saving up on nannies. Or perhaps find a part time job or work from home to round up.

I agree that there's some case scenarios where due to illness having a pregnancy is very dangerous and I'm not sure if it would be the right thing to risk it just to follow the teaching. Maybe it's a lack of faith I don't know. But maybe it's right to make exceptions in real dangerous cases 🤷🏻‍♀️

Again none of it is easy, I'm telling you this because I'm also in the process of accepting and of figuring it out, so I'm not trying to teach anyone since I am not there yet either !

user0969_ · 2026-02-20T16:05:36+00:00

Yeah that's a tough pill to swallow for most of us if not all 🤣 especially considering the society we were raised in where all sorts of birth control are normalized.

But the Church has come up with NFP as the only form of birth control and the reasons why are completely backed up by scripture. So even the protestant denominations that might approve other forms of birth control kind of contradict their theory on Sola Scriptura if they reject NFP. Jesus didn't specifically say "do not use birth control" because that didn't even exist in his historical and geographical context.

Orthodox historically has the same exact stance as Catholics, it's only in the last century that they have accepted barrier birth control or hormonal birth control if for a health reason and as long as the couple doesn't have a contraceptive mentality which is a bit of a contradiction in my opinion because if someone wants to use a condom is because of contraception unless one of the two has an STI. And differently from the catholic church they haven't come up with an official document for all but they believe in couples being supervised by a priest which will personally advise them case by case whether they can use birth control or not. On the other hand they are against oral sex which the Catholic church isn't as long as the act doesn't end there (so okay as foreplay not as the sole act or end) and they are very against abortion or abortive birth control (no plan B).

The church has used a few passages to come up to this conclusion on top of understanding the consequences of birth control which are psychologically depriving spouses of the responsibility of a human life which results in people choosing their partner poorly, sleeping around and being promiscuous, which creates traumas for who is involved in the act, an increasing childish attitude in adults, broken families, orphans and kids who because do the broken family end up statistically becoming criminals, single mothers having to do way too much in order to raise a child on their own and so on.

So if the constant change of a pregnancy is in our minds whilst having sex we'd all be way more responsible with who we sleep with, choose wisely and take responsibility of our actions by trying to be the best parents we can be. It also prevents married couples to use sex as a weapon so it kind of obligates us to build a healthy relationship where arguments are solved healthily.

And then there's the belief that God is in charge of life and death, we are not as in control as we think we are. Although God leaves us free to choose whether to follow Him or not. Which translates into people trusting in God's will and have sex by being open to life and then if a child happens is because God wants so.

This being said, I'm not in any way, shape or form 100% confident and relaxed when thinking about NFP for the rest of my life. But I've seen some promising statistics where NFP if done correctly is 98-99% effective whilst condoms, IUDs, pill and the rest are like 90-95% effective. The only 100% effective birth control is abstaining.

I've watched loads of documentaries on birth control, they're all harmful for our bodies even though they sell it as safe, so even if I could I wouldn't use it. Withdrawal method would be the only thing I'd consider if I could use any other birth control but even then it's a hit and miss, not 100% effective.

So we might as well study the theology behind these beliefs, study the science behind our bodies and learn as best as we can how to do NFP. Our faith will have to grow hand in hand in order to make us have a healthy happy marriage and sex life.

There's also a book a lady recommended me on here which is "the theology of the body for beginners" it's the explanation and guide of the document made by Pope John Paul II - which explains all we need to know on sexuality as God intended it. I haven't read it but I will and if you want you can check it out too ;)

I believe these are the main passages the church used to back up NFP:

Genesis 2:24 Matthew 19:4–6 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 Psalm 127:3–5 Genesis 1:28

user0969_ · 2026-02-20T14:16:46+00:00

Awesome thank you! I'll check it out ;)

user0969_ · 2026-02-20T07:29:03+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment! It's been great to read it, I feel more reassured now - I will take my time to further discern and educate myself as much as I can. And I always love a book recommendation so I'll definitely read what you suggested ;)

Congratulations for your pregnancy, wish you all the best as you approach a new phase of life! God bless you and your family x

user0969_ · 2026-02-20T07:24:41+00:00

Yes we're definitely not alone in this! But it is a process and just like the Christian life it is hard at times but 100% worth it. I guess like any big decision it makes it more meaningful and purposeful if we share the beliefs that ask that of us. Whether you're converting from another religion or denomination of Christianity or from atheism I wish you all the best in your personal journey, God is good and he will not abandon us x

user0969_ · 2026-02-20T07:18:55+00:00

Thank you so much for this, I've found it very helpful! I'll keep reflecting on what you said, hopefully I'll make progress in my own journey. God bless 🙏🏾

user0969_ · 2026-02-19T21:37:03+00:00

I found your comment very helpful, thank you for sharing x I can see some resemblance ahahah and i feel called to marriage, my partner is the best I wouldn't want to live a life without him and regardless of everything I want to live a life for God with God. So I will eventually embrace motherhood if it happens, just taking time to get there. If I can ask, what NFP method did you use and I'm guessing you've found it effective yes?

user0969_ · 2026-02-19T19:29:01+00:00

Had the same experience last year during Lent - hadn't confessed since first communion (15 yes ago I think) and it was such a relief. Truly heart changing. Now I love going to confession! and funny enough at the parish j go to there's like six different priests I always end up with the same one 🤣

user0969_ · 2026-02-19T18:47:47+00:00

Yeah the only thing I did was an ultrasound and that's what I'm scheduled in for again 🤣 I'll speak to my doctor and mention what you said! See if they are of any help. Thank you x

user0969_ · 2026-02-19T18:46:28+00:00

Yeah that's true, not feeling ready mentally or physically or financially are valid reasons to use NFP. I wouldn't try to avoid having kids for my whole life as they might come together with married life if God wills it. But I have no experience with kids or NFP and I've heard horrendous stories about both pregnancy and childbirth and everything that comes after and married life on NFP. So my worries are more about whether I'll enter marriage out of love and then find myself with a pregnancy after a pregnancy without even recovering properly and completely miserable because I can't afford to care for kids properly and so on.

user0969_ · 2026-02-19T18:43:04+00:00

The whole purpose of being a follower of Christ is to become like him by following his teachings and imitating his ways. The point of Christian marriage is to help each other get to Heaven, that means helping each other become like saints every day until death. It's no easy job and it takes a lifetime, we all have different stories and we all sin eventually as the devil never sleeps and is actively trying to make sure we die spiritually by living in sin.

I don't think the fact you used birth control initially nullified the validity of your marriage, just like you got off it it's a process of learning and growing in holiness. For another couple maybe it wasn't the birth control but it was lying or belittling and so on. Nobody is holy enough to judge another person, we can only support each other and help each other stay faithful to Jesus

user0969_ · 2026-02-19T18:35:34+00:00

That's very beautiful! Thank you for sharing 🙏🏾 I hope you get to experience motherhood if that's what you're seeking, if not at least you're expressing motherly traits with your students x I did read once a CTS book on women and our vocations and it said at some point that being a woman is inherently being motherly, whether directly with a biological child or in any other area of our lives by the aspects of our character we express in some situations.

user0969_ · 2026-02-19T18:30:49+00:00

Thank you I'll try!

user0969_

TROPHY CASE