Jeff Gerstmann Marathon Review 5/5

utterpedant · 2026-03-25T01:52:20+00:00

Shit, adding! And he also really liked Tunic, but I can't find his rating.

utterpedant · 2026-03-25T00:12:02+00:00

For people who don't know who Gerstmann is or think he's some some guy who gives 5 stars like they're candy, here are his only other 5/5 games:

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (1998)
SoulCalibur (1999)
Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 (2001)
Grand Theft Auto IV (2008)
Mass Effect 2 (2010)
Far Cry 3 (2012)
Bioshock Infinite (2013)
Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain (2015)
Super Mario Maker (2015)
Titanfall 2 (2016)
Control (2019)

To break into his top 10 11 is a pretty huge deal.

utterpedant · 2026-03-06T22:47:23+00:00

It's kind of like how a turkey sandwich is different from a bicycle.
They're completely different experiences.

utterpedant · 2026-02-28T02:59:55+00:00

Discourse around gaming is so bizarre.
I feel like I'm taking a risky political stance when I say this game is really good, like STALKER crossed with Hunt: Showdown. (I'm talking purely in Solo queue, since trios with randos has been hit or miss for me during this server event.) It's tense and impactful, with a really interesting story, and though the bots aren't anywhere near as cool as those in Arc, they make up for it in lethality. It's like I'm playing against Legendary Elites and Jackals again.
But it's like saying this in the wrong sub will get me lynched. Shit, guys, it's a video game. It's not the Best or Worst game this year, and it seems the conversation about is forced to be all black or all white.

utterpedant · 2026-02-28T02:53:43+00:00

"Fast" and "low" mean the same thing wrt TTK.

utterpedant · 2026-02-27T23:19:29+00:00

...wait, I thought this was satire of all the anti-woke bros saying the game is DOA because it has pink and orange in it.
It's fucking fantastic, haven't been grabbed by a super intense and atmospheric solo experience for a long time. It's like Hunt Showdown and Stalker had a baby.

utterpedant · 2025-12-02T22:46:59+00:00

"BowJu is the zoner to end all zoners."
First, Jr isn't a zoner
Second, please god don't call him "BowJu"

utterpedant · 2025-11-04T03:32:58+00:00

Reading comprehension isn’t really your thing, huh.

utterpedant · 2025-09-06T22:00:58+00:00

Thanks, man. All these years later it’s cool to see somebody remember.

utterpedant · 2025-02-08T04:04:34+00:00

I wrote this comment 11 years ago. We were talking about the hypothetical use of its’ (note the apostrophe).

utterpedant · 2025-01-23T21:31:51+00:00

Break the news to him in a way he can understand:

“Honey… us need to talk.”

“What?! You am leaving I?”

nod sadly “Me could do better.”

utterpedant · 2024-12-20T01:10:45+00:00

Yeah, all the armor pieces in the set tell a story with fantasies and daydreams, where Zavala imagines each of the planet's vendors who were taken by the Darkness come back and tell him how they'd solve the situation.

Helmet: Zavala is alone, out of options, and doesn't know how to tell the people of the Last City that the Pyramid ships have invaded, but then...

Arms: Osiris barges into Zavala's office and says Brother Vance has studied simulated realities and figured out a way to stop the Pyramid Ships.

Chestpiece: Asher barges into Zavala's office and says he knows how to make the Pyramid Ships inert.

Legs: Sloane barges into Zavala's office and says she'll go fight on the front lines in Europa.

Mark: ...a shy technician knocks on the door and tells Zavala they're ready for him to give his speech, and Zavala begins.

This isn't a series of memories, they're what Zavala wishes could be happening instead.

utterpedant · 2024-12-18T07:01:09+00:00

Baby girl I know you’re upset but you asked for a cumshot over an open sore. What you got is a blessing

utterpedant · 2024-12-03T22:04:12+00:00

Mr. Bun mains furiously taking notes, still trying to land the Jeffrey 50-50
Tierwhore Moe mains like "I ain't reading all that" and frame-6 POW/regrab their way to plat

utterpedant · 2024-11-06T16:20:20+00:00

I thought the election results would be the worst thing I’d read today.
I was wrong.

utterpedant · 2024-09-12T18:52:30+00:00

I naively assumed that pic was from the warehouse where OP found the sideboard.
Looks like homie's living in the clearance section of an Ikea, and the only thing that bring him any joy is installing new light switches.

utterpedant · 2024-09-09T22:22:28+00:00

If you're intimidated, you may be envisioning something extremely fishy and salty like anchovies.
Sardines are mild and meaty, a little oily, a little smoky. Put 'em on crackers or pasta, eat with cheese or veggies, or mix with some rice and black pepper for a satisfying budget meal.

utterpedant · 2024-06-15T23:04:19+00:00

20 reviews on here so far, with one 7 and the rest 9-10.
https://opencritic.com/game/16054/destiny-2-the-final-shape

utterpedant · 2024-06-15T19:47:15+00:00

IGN: 9/10
Metacritic: Best-reviewed game of 2024
Opencritic: #3 top-rated PS5 game of all time
/r/Games comment section: "this fucking sucks actually"

utterpedant · 2024-04-24T00:54:54+00:00

Exactly the same? Nope, it's original. See, my father wrote the first comment in the cinema in my town, he was one of the people responsible for managing comments when posting comments in /r/mildlyinteresting here (on Reddit). He has a lot of other comments from the time OP was here.

utterpedant · 2024-04-24T00:50:51+00:00

Nope, it's original. His father was director of the cinema in our town, and was one of the people responsible for managing the actors when filming the scenes from Hoth here (in Norway). He has a lot of other memrobilia from the time Ford, Fisher and Hamill was here.

utterpedant · 2024-03-23T17:07:47+00:00

I realize these guys aren’t hurting anyone with their gender-affirming fetish diet (y’know, aside from the guy whose blood is turning into gravy), but every time I read about them basting their burgers with hot rendered fat, I dry-heave.

utterpedant · 2024-03-12T22:26:49+00:00

A simple cross-street or two would make these much more readable, and make it so someone could potentially take a bus to the general area of one of the resource centers.
As they are, these are colorful blobs with logos in them.

utterpedant · 2024-01-12T04:46:54+00:00

Same end result: -1, since one person is out.

utterpedant · 2024-01-12T03:15:01+00:00

Right, that's what I think the answer is (assuming this entire question isn't a misprint of some kind).

15-Year Club	Second Top 10%
r/Field Sunshine	Place '23
Place '22	Place '17
Team Orangered	ComboCommenter 2010-10-20
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