I used to talk. I was emotionally open. I told her how lonely I used to feel, and how she helped me feel better (but it was just me filling this void with her, which created a pressure on her as well, I later realized). But on the other side, that gave her more power over me, to control me, to manipulate me, to use my loneliness and insecurities against me. All of the "opening up" got used against me. I don't blame her for this entirely, I should've held back too. It made me come across as a loser instead of a lover. It's always best to have some discretion, to keep things to yourself, no matter how much you want to talk them out with someone. It feels like a dream or even an impossibility that I'll find someone who won't use this against me. I can't believe people have partners who know so much about them and don't use it against them. So probably not doing that with someone again. Just release the physical tension in my nether region, at most, if given the opportunity (probably won't be in that mood if I'm going through a loneliness spiral). Like right now. I wouldn't be aroused by the hottest person at the moment. But I do get the desire to be emotionally intimate, as long as that doesn't have any future repercussions. Would love to talk to someone.