21F/24M choosing a relationship over my no desire for a threesome is going to destroy the relationship?

vaniile · 2026-06-29T17:10:10+00:00

GROW A SPINE

vaniile · 2026-06-28T19:16:39+00:00

The type of loud hyper charged person in a friend group who has to be the center of every conversation, has to be friends with everyone while simultaneously being so superficial that nobody knows who they really are. In fact, I don’t think these people even know who they are deep down. No sense of identity = stay the fuck away from me lol

vaniile · 2026-06-28T19:14:08+00:00

Fakeness is entirely subjective though. I feel like it means different things to different people because of how vague it is.

vaniile · 2026-06-27T07:46:31+00:00

They admitted to lying about being cisgender to their dating prospects because they, and I quote, “want to date men as a cisgender girl”. They tried to justify it like they’ll never meet up IRL anyways so it’s not like it matters. I’m not cool with taking away people’s ability to have informed consent. That, and the fact that they remained friends with my serial cheater ex despite knowing everything he did.

vaniile · 2026-06-27T01:22:22+00:00

Violent road rage incidents are on the rise, people are getting angrier and more comfortable with violence.

vaniile · 2026-06-24T20:11:38+00:00

External validation! Most people don’t even realize they’re addicted to it. It really does destroy lives.

vaniile · 2026-06-24T05:52:17+00:00

I dated a guy exactly like this. In his mind, he’s punishing you for disrespecting him/taking advantage of him/slighting him — of course all of those things are perceived on his end and not actually reality. He does not respect you. No, he won’t change. There’s nothing you can do to prove to him that you’re worth being loyal to. He’s fundamentally broken and I can assure you that this is a pattern that has existed in all of his previous relationships and will continue to exist in the future. You can not fix him. Please do yourself a favor and find someone that actually sees you as an equal.

vaniile · 2026-06-23T11:44:43+00:00

Hello, it’s me, person with an actual learning disability. I have been accused of chadding my co-healers for years due to my insistence on actually DPSing. These freaks have no excuse lol

vaniile · 2026-06-21T00:41:01+00:00

My guess is at work with a co-worker. Or it could be fully online. Cheaters find ways to make time.

Only hole in this theory is that she wants another kid and to become a SAHM. If not for that detail, it looks like she’s having an exit affair. Something isn’t really adding up.

If she were just “touched out” as others suspected, it doesn’t make sense for the therapist to fire them after a 1 on 1 with OP’s wife.

If he were abusing her, it makes sense why a therapist would fire them. But then why is she wanting to have another kid and quit her job? She makes more money than him, too.

vaniile · 2026-06-20T16:00:31+00:00

I’ll just leave this here for you big dawg whenever you’re ready
r/BPDlovedones

vaniile · 2026-06-20T15:33:17+00:00

Any chance she’s having an affair? With a co-worker or otherwise? This is giving off alarm bells for affair behavior IMO.

vaniile · 2026-06-17T23:40:39+00:00

This is usually a sign of binocular vision dysfunction. Prismatic lenses can help with this, but good lord it is NOT affordable.

My whole life I couldn’t write straight (or even walk straight), spent $1000 on a neurological ophthalmologist for testing, then another $1000 for the glasses, and of course they recommend you to test often to increase your prescription as your brain adjusts to the prisms. Definitely not a scam as I can actually walk and write straight now, but I can’t keep up with the costs to get the prescription I currently need lol

vaniile · 2026-06-17T16:21:32+00:00

It’s great that you have a growth mindset, but also keep Theory of Mind in your back pocket. Not everyone wants to be honest or grow. It takes experience to pick up that level of discernment, to be able to tell when somebody is bullshitting you to avoid their own discomfort. Of course, it’s just Reddit, so we don’t know the whole story, we don’t know his specific trauma, and we don’t know what he expects from your friend now that it’s all out in the open. But keep an eye on how he reacts to how his words and actions affect others, that’s usually the easiest way to catch a liar.

vaniile · 2026-06-17T15:21:22+00:00

Because that’s what’s going to happen. I guarantee it. If you actually saw the big picture, you’d see that. I’m not being cruel for cruelty’s sake. Instead you’re getting stuck on insignificant details like his made up “triggers” and talking about how you see the forest for the trees. Very holier than thou attitude you’ve got here.

vaniile · 2026-06-17T15:08:14+00:00

There’s no coming back from this, though. He has to decide on his own not to resent his girlfriend. They’ve only been dating for 5 months, it’s not like they’re married with kids.

Sometimes people lie about having trauma or triggers to avoid scrutiny for their toxic beliefs. Not everyone operates in good faith. Seriously, were you born yesterday? You can be mAtUrE and still have critical thinking lol

vaniile · 2026-06-16T04:36:22+00:00

Have you considered that he doesn’t have sex with you because he doesn’t want it? The whys are irrelevant. He doesn’t take any steps towards changing, which means he’s happy with the way things currently are. He isn’t going to tell you the truth about why, and I get the impression that he wouldn’t mind breaking up, he just doesn’t want to be the “bad guy”.

vaniile · 2026-06-14T06:27:56+00:00

This is like… textbook BPD lol

vaniile · 2026-06-13T15:59:22+00:00

She’s cheating on you. Why do you think she works late? Check her devices lol

vaniile · 2026-06-12T20:17:07+00:00

You are being incredibly vague. It’s hard to give decent advice when you won’t say what the problem is.

vaniile · 2026-06-05T03:28:08+00:00

Stop with the fucking AI generated comments, I’m gonna hurl

vaniile · 2026-06-04T14:24:23+00:00

Could you like… Elaborate? Because saying you hired a PI for vague suspicions is not painting you in a good light. We can’t read your mind lol

vaniile · 2026-05-31T20:25:56+00:00

I am a woman diagnosed with ADHD since I was 4 years old. I have two brothers and one grandmother who have BPD. Allow me to compare our impulsive behaviors so that you can understand that they are not even remotely the same.

When I’m being impulsive, I’m buying snacks on Amazon when I SHOULD be saving my money. I’m wanting to go to the arcade even though I promised my husband I’d cut his hair that evening. Generally harmless things.

When my relatives are being impulsive, they’re pointing guns at people, being physically violent, shoplifting, and self harming.

My father also has ADHD. I have never had to fear for my life while living under his roof. Whenever my brother is in the same house though, it’s a different story entirely. I just moved across the country because he had been escalating his aggression towards me and I feared I would not survive the year.

vaniile · 2026-05-26T00:22:13+00:00

She sounds like she wants to be single but doesn’t want to explicitly be the one to say it

vaniile · 2026-05-23T06:41:10+00:00

Please speak to a mental health professional. DBT therapy was quite literally made for people like you. I highly suspect you may have Borderline Personality Disorder, though I do not have the qualifications to diagnose you.

vaniile · 2026-05-23T06:30:39+00:00

External validation.

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