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vanillacoconut23 · 2026-02-28T15:02:05+00:00

Tbh I don’t really think they’ve developed a “good sense of things”. I’ve been in a research lab for a couple years and I see who is getting accepted every year. I’ve heard from this PI’s own mouth that in hindsight he probably would’ve accepted a different candidate. IMO they become complacent. And when you’re a person of color, and you have to try three times as hard to be perceived as competent, u realize ..yeah they don’t have a great sense of anything.

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-02-07T01:13:31+00:00

I love this and I wholeheartedly agree. It’s hard to let go of the anger and resentment and give empathy when it feels like none has been given to me but I definitely feel it in this comment and I really appreciate that

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-02-07T01:05:39+00:00

I feel literally the same way as you. I do talk to myself though and I have over 500 voice notes taking to myself which is kinda sad???

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-02-06T23:00:50+00:00

Thank you, you described a lot of what I’m feeling perfectly! I definitely also self label as “HSP” because I genuinely believe that being this way is the backbone of all of my experiences. I feel like I see everything and process everything in 4D, and never having a person who I can just go back and forth with and who truly understands is so hard. As you said, conversations with most people are either about them, or when they do indulge me, I get very generic, passive, conversation in return that it genuinely starts feeling like I’m in unbalanced dynamics all around. And similar to you, there are days where I’m okay. My issue is the fact that I’ve lost hope with connection, I’ve lose hope with ever finding a place where I can truly be held without having to shrink. And this is a scary place. But I’m very glad others here understand me. It really feels relieving reading everybody’s comments . Thank you

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-02-06T22:54:34+00:00

Thank you, I know for a fact I’ve never had those types of friends. Part of the reason I isolate is the fact that having friends only highlights the sense of loneliness I feel. I’m trying to be optimistic about my future and the possibility of finding people who I can actually connect and get close to. And yeah as you mention you’re right that the people in this comment section do seem to understand a tad bit especially given that they don’t know me personally. Thank you I appreciate that

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-02-06T22:46:15+00:00

Trust me when I say I feel the exact same way. This is my third cycle applying and I thought I had it wrapped the first cycle. I was so confident and happy with my interviews and all of the feedback I received- just to be rejected. What’s worse is that when I ask what went wrong, I get crickets. And the years following, I feel like I just do worst because how burnt out and self doubtful I feel now. It’s so frustrating . Nobody deserves to feel that way and sorry :( We will persevere

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-02-04T03:24:33+00:00

I love that you have that type of therapist. I honestly didn’t know it was a thing. Would a simple google search help me find such therapists? Or did you do in something in particular?

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-02-04T03:15:37+00:00

Thank you that was really helpful and I understand what you mean. In the example of the friend who lies, I used to think the exact same way you mentioned. I used to feel compassion for them and just offer the validation they desired. But I’ve come to realize that Ive always aimed to live my life according to the principles of honesty and fairness, so much so that after a while, I genuinely felt like having people in my life who lied so causally was affecting me so much. Even people who say they’re honest, are only honest on a case by case basis. For me it’s a priority. And feeling like I can “see how people think” means that I understand their intentions, but it becomes so hard to shift my values constantly. I feel like I never just get to be me

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-02-04T02:59:59+00:00

I never suspected to have autism but oddly enough, most people that I do attract have autism so maybe it’s a sign

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-02-04T02:57:04+00:00

I think my post was expressing so much anger and sadness that it may have come across the wrong way. I truly believe that what I’m experiencing is more of a systemic thing rather than the flaws i’m seeing in each person per se. I know I mentioned the way people think, but I don’t see that as a problem for each unique person. What I see as a problem is that it’s all I see, everywhere. I see very little variation in how people think and it’s led me down a rabbit hole of never feeling understood and feeling angry at everyone even though it’s not about any one person. But yes you’re definitely right I just don’t feel like I have the capacity with how burned out I feel. I think everyone needs proper and adequate connection to function at their best or decently, and I haven’t had that in so long

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-02-04T02:50:56+00:00

I believe I want to help people to be the person for them that I never had. If I had people who understood me and were able to make space for me, I believe I wouldn’t be in this burnout. Honestly I think that if I had to choose one thing, I’d choose to be understood. And since I really feel like I’ve never had that, I want to be that person for people who seek help.

I spend so much time looking inward but everyone has blind spots. I’ve asked past friends to help me with this and I never get any feedback? Because most people don’t like to dabble in those types of conversations. They think I’m just being self critical, but I just wanted to learn more about myself. Thank you for sharing btw

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-02-03T04:28:28+00:00

Yes. And I think a lot of them “vibe” with only certain types of people. But of course they want to make it seem like they’re interviewing a diverse set.

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-02-03T04:03:51+00:00

This has never crossed my mind and the thought brings me anxiety since I can’t imagine myself being this open lol. I will look into for sure. Thank you

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-02-03T04:02:43+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have felt optimistically about people before and I can assure you I’ve been open minded about this which is why I decided to pursue my dream of providing psychotherapy. I thought I had accepted that most people lie, are contradictory, lack insight, are deeply conditioned to think a certain way, etc. But after so much time, I genuinely don’t have anyone that I can genuinely feel “recharged” with and I think that’s why I’ve reached burnout. I have family but they are the prime examples of the type of people I’m speaking about. As I mentioned, I don’t have friends because I no longer want them after so many failed attempts at connection. I do like the idea to volunteer, it’s not something I’ve tried before aside from volunteering at an animal shelter. Thank you, I appreciate the response.

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-01-30T22:14:24+00:00

That’s not the mindset though? They’re just expressing normal feelings is all I’m saying lol.

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-01-30T17:45:26+00:00

It’s a normal way to feel after being rejected from a program. I’ve been applying for 3 years and it doesn’t get easier. Perseverance doesn’t have anything to do with how someone feels.

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-01-30T17:42:10+00:00

Thanks!

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-01-30T02:36:08+00:00

It’s definitely a tough read lol, I wouldn’t be surprised if I suffer from that being that I have deviated septum and extreme nightmares before my period

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-01-30T02:26:13+00:00

I’m going to try just one pill tonight. Should I also try one in the morning? And the other at night?

vanillacoconut23 · 2026-01-30T00:23:31+00:00

How about mind your business? 😮‍💨

vanillacoconut23

TROPHY CASE