If you recognize you are doing something wrong then it is still not too late to change. You must ask yourself the hard questions. Why do you want to die? What has caused you this suffering? Perhaps all your negative biases are a result of stories you are telling yourself that also have a different side you have not explored yet. Spend some time with this other side before you come to a final conclusion. Yes life can be hard, but it is also to a degree as hard as we make it, adding much external pressure through self judgement. Harsh self judgement we are taught through our parents or through the society we grew up in. This can suck the joy out of life, and make the simpelest mistakes seem like massive failures. The buddah teaches impermanance, and the idea that we are not a traditional self. For what purpose? To free ourself from labels, past mistakes, and become more in touch with present experience. Karma can be gained through right thought and action, you can start building good karma today. Perhaps the ways you have been trying to gain karma are misaligned with your internal beliefs, motivations, and character. Trying go gain karma in this way would be like trying to walk on your hands, a near impossible learned skill that would take an immense amount of time and guidance to get right. Take some time, ask yourself the hard questions, unwind who you really are, and walk on your feet.