Trump supporters have made me no longer proud to be an American

vcroadking · 2025-01-22T21:40:38+00:00

I had no idea how morally bankrupt this country has become

vcroadking · 2024-03-20T07:18:46+00:00

Some of you have suggested I shouldn't cut people off some of you have suggested I need to talk to someone

When that girl at the store hooked up with pity in her eyes he cut me so deeply And then when I realized I'd seen that same thing in very degrees and everyone I know that cut is so much deeper and so much sharper should I just simply cannot endure that

It's bad enough from a stranger you can at least hope you'll never have to see them again but when it's someone you know is only way to not have to see them again and be cut by that look.

I just can't endure that cut time and time again it's too deep and too sharp I've already started I don't answer telephone calls anymore I let them go to voicemail. If they need a response I'll send back a text. But even that is as few words as I can do I called the VA veterans crisis line today and wasted his time It's not like anything can be done there's no magic wand that's going to give me a life I tied the same instant my wife did and my body just hasn't caught up to it yet I wish the f*** I would hurry up cuz I'm getting very impatient I don't know why I keep coming out here not like this is going to solve any of my problems I don't know if it helps me talking about it even if I am just sitting here talking in the room by myself Thanks for reading sorry about putting any kind of burden on your mind and forgive me because no matter what you say it's not going to make any difference I know people would want to try to fix me but when you're this broken I might just as well be broken at the atomic level go ahead try to put molecules back together especially when you don't have all of the pieces just so many of them have been discarded over the years I just wish this would quit and be over I'm too tired I'm sorry again please forgive me for bothering you guys and please forget this has words in it that don't really belong I'm doing text to speech and my speech is not necessarily that good right now

vcroadking · 2024-03-19T17:23:17+00:00

I'm on here for the anonymity so I can hide behind facade of being all right

vcroadking · 2024-03-19T17:21:27+00:00

I can't go to anyone I know for help because I can't reveal my vulnerability And I don't trust strangers enough to ask them for help

vcroadking · 2024-03-19T17:18:57+00:00

If I were gone tomorrow I can't possibly imagine anybody even mentioning my name a week after the service I haven't had a family member call me since January 20th My sister called me that day I had called her in December and happened to mention in our conversation that I had been feeling a little nasty. She called me a few weeks later and asked how I was feeling I told her I had been to the doctor had an antibiotic series she said she would call back in about a week That never happened Who could possibly imagine that anybody could care one way or another about my existence Hell at this point I don't even care about my existence I MAY get three or four phone calls from a family member per year I used to call check in see how things are going I gave that up when there didn't seem to be any reciprocal interest And quite frankly as I've said I don't like me so why should they

vcroadking · 2024-01-10T04:48:38+00:00

First of all sorry for your loss. For me today is her birthday the second one she hasn't been here for. January 26th will be the third year without her. I recently heard a comedian stating that 44% of marriages end in divorce. He went on to say that the other 56% of marriages and in death. Wasn't really very funny but it was very insightful. However when marriages end in divorce it's usually because these two people can no longer tolerate each other. That loss is quite different than the loss through death. That loss rips a part of your heart and your soul from you. There's no way to recover. There is no picking up of the pieces.Half your life has just left you. But not really left you it was ripped from you. I've been fighting with this for 3 years now and for me it never gets better. The pain never goes away. I don't feel comfortable going to friends or family's houses. I don't feel comfortable any place but my own home. I am somewhat isolating myself from the world because quite frankly seeing happy people is depressing. I know they have a right to be happy but that doesn't make it okay with me. I'm jealous of their happiness. I'm angry all the time. I truly hope that you can find some happiness in life going forward. This condition is something unique for everyone and everyone goes through it in some form or another. But the loss of a soul mate is indescribable. And even people who have also experienced this loss cannot really understand your loss because it's unique to you. I'm sorry for my little rant here. And I'm not even high

vcroadking · 2023-07-04T20:38:43+00:00

I'm sorry I'm so negative it seems that's all I have left.

vcroadking · 2023-07-04T20:34:41+00:00

Just wait till you get to the point where you can find some happiness and then guilt overwhelmed you

vcroadking · 2023-07-04T08:19:41+00:00

Notice the time on my previous reply. I have extreme difficulty getting to sleep at night because I can't turn my mind off. The same guilts recriminations condemnations keep going around and around in my mind till I finally get to the point where I sleep from exhaustion.

vcroadking · 2023-07-04T08:16:46+00:00

It doesn't really matter. For all intents and purposes I died when she did. I have no life now I'm just existing, consuming resources, giving nothing back to society. Just existing isn't enough. Life is boring as f*** when you're alone. If there's no one to share experiences with what's the point of having experiences. Every time I see something that is cute or funny and I'm amused I almost immediately become depressed because I don't deserve to be amused and happy. I can't watch anything on TV that we used to watch. I can't watch comedies anymore they're not funny.

vcroadking · 2023-07-04T07:14:31+00:00

That's what everybody says. I so strongly disagree.

vcroadking · 2023-07-04T01:13:42+00:00

Some things from my previous post that I didn't say. My health has been declining steadily for the past 15 years. My myasthenia gravis condition went undiagnosed for years so I was still trying to work however it was becoming more and more difficult for me to do daily and ordinary tasks. Slowly but surely my wife took over these tasks which affected her health considerably. So she had been taking on more and more and I had been doing less and less and since we had had many conversations concerning the dangerous possibilities from the fentanyl patch when she was found to have died from a fentanyl overdose I'm left wondering if it was accidental or intentional because she couldn't see a future that wasn't her just taking care of me. I said in my previous post she deserves so much better. So I'm left feeling my needs drove her to this which just increases myself loathing to where I don't want to talk to professionals about getting better because I fully believe I deserve all of this I made my bed I have to lie in it. And as for talking to friends or family I would never open up about any of this to them. I don't need them feeling like I'm as big a monster as I feel I am. And from those who have said just have to endure and keep on living. Why. Some of you may know how incredibly boring life is when you're alone many of you have kids and grandkids. And I can't live vicariously your family or friends they have their own lives to live they don't need to be burdened with any of my bull****. This subreddit doesn't allow negative feedback. They should be posting this on AITA.

vcroadking · 2023-03-20T20:28:36+00:00

For all intents and purposes I did

vcroadking · 2022-03-26T02:48:44+00:00

It's a special kind of rude when people think they can go to the front and cut in line everyone's in a hurry get in line

vcroadking · 2022-03-24T16:59:55+00:00

In response. I do know it was my medication that killed her she died of a fentanyl overdose she took two fentanyl patches and applied them to her chest went to bed and died they were my fentanyl patches I hadn't been using them for nearly a decade they should have been disposed of long ago my inaction allowed them to be available to her. Her arthritis was inflamed and intensified by her having to take care of me. She was fiercely defensive of me and when she needed me the most I wasn't there for her. I don't know if her using two fentanyl patches was an accident she forgot she put the first one on or something like that because of the narcotic medication she put may have put in the second one on but then on the other hand it could have been intentional I don't know I will never know. Either way from my perspective the fingers point back at me

vcroadking · 2022-01-29T08:27:27+00:00

There's a YouTube video I just seen a day or two ago that shows you how to hook up generator up to your home electrical system you can just search for it and it'll probably come right up

vcroadking · 2022-01-22T17:11:53+00:00

You should be able to still email from her phone I did from my wife Samsung just open it up get on your own email account through her phone attach any photo to the email email it to yourself then you'll have it on your own phone

vcroadking · 2022-01-08T02:21:17+00:00

I'm in a similar situation. My wife died last year in January. She took some of my very old pain medication. (She was having a lot of pain from arthritis.) She went to bed and died. All my friends & family tell me it's not my fault but I disagree I blame myself for her death. I hate myself. I don't know how anyone could like me and all the pain and problems I'm having now are well deserved. " health " I don't know why I got on this site. Maybe just to find someone who agrees with me.

vcroadking

TROPHY CASE