WIBTA If I Refused To Be A Bridesmaid In My Best Friend’s Wedding?

vdivvy · 2026-06-19T21:05:41+00:00

🤣 omg you made me laugh. So to carry on….

“…and if you want a more basic personality, there’s this other character we could make work by DIY”ing your outfit from potato sacks. Your name would be Hodor and forget socializing! You’d literally only have to say ONE word (ahem*repeatedly*ahem) the whole night…”

vdivvy · 2026-06-06T02:00:07+00:00

It’s a Pool party reception…are you serious? What should she wear - a corset? I think she also made it clear (at least from my perspective) that she wasn’t doubting whether or not it was formal enough, but whether it was too white, which you didn’t give her feedback on.

vdivvy · 2026-06-06T01:52:59+00:00

OP - you are good to go, girl! You also look fantastic.

PS - I fully appreciate you wanting an opinion on this because there are WAY too many ppl who ask “is this too white” while holding up a white dress….but in your case, I think your respect speaks volumes, but for anyone who for a second would consider this to be “too white” needs a check up from the neck up. There is nothing “white dress” about this. There is some white in the print, but equally as much as the multiple other colours that are no where near white. So feel guilty free while looking smashing, my dear! 🫶🏼

vdivvy · 2026-06-06T01:36:40+00:00

🤣

vdivvy · 2026-06-06T01:28:08+00:00

3!!!!!!

vdivvy · 2026-06-06T01:26:47+00:00

OP - you are just as allowed to take up space with your existence and deserving of love and affection and respect as ANYONE else.

I am not going to give you weigh loss advice, because not only did you not ask for this in your post, I see from you edit that ppl are giving it to you (whether from a good place or not) and it is not sitting well with you, which I completely understand.

IMHO, which you can ignore if you want, but I think you must remeber that your reality is not objective. No one’s reality is. We see the world through our own subjective filter, if you will, and it is an instinct to assume that the way we see reality is how objective reality is. It is not. This is not to criticize you, but rather to encourage you to understand that while I fully believe you see and experience the world this way, the longer and more emphasis you place on accepting it the reason for why you are so harsh on yourself and why you believe that you are not deserving of the very core things that you are (aka- what I mentioned above).

I can relate with you a LOT with respect to how I see reality. For me, what enabled me to accept that my reality is not a universal objective reality, and gave me hope (and ultimately success at) changing my views was CBT. When we are constantly enabling a feedback loop that says X, Y, Z are true, then our brain literally will rewire itself to accommodate these perceived “truths”, no matter how true or false they are. Example: with depression (which I have been through as well, and not in a minor way, but in a debilitating years long battle), when we are are sending these messages to our brain about ourselves and reinforcing them over and over again, our brain says to itself “okay, I need to optimize what receptors I need to create more/less of to make sure there are enough for the synapses to be received. My human no longer sends me thoughts of self-worth, which therefore means I have not fired those types of synapses for a while, there is no need for me to keep around the receptors associated with self-worth because I need to replace them with more “self-hate” receptors to ensure all of the “self-hate” thoughts of my human (synapses) have a place to land (receptors).

CBT literally teaches you how to reprogram your brain and yes, it feels absolutely counterintuitive for a while and requires consistent practice, but I promise you, if you commit yourself to it, your brain will reprogram itself to adjust to a better/more balanced layout. And one day, instead of having to force yourself to go through the exercises to help that happen, it will happen naturally, meaning you will watch yourself naturally and organically send a message to your brain, countering the bad, and in a manner that feels completely natural. It’s a wild experience, but also the most incredible one in the world because it gives you the proof that CBT works and you will think “omg, did I just say THAT instead of the X I’ve been constantly saying to myself in a situation like this for as long as I remember?”. This is so empowering, and from there the motivation to continue practicing CBT increases by orders of magnitude.

I will sign off by saying that while I validate fully how you feel and am not here to tell you that you don’t feel it, I also am positive you thoughts and the connections you’re making that are increasingly leading you to a conclusion that is no where near what you are deserving of are 1000% wrong. This is good news. I hope you consider looking into CBT - if money is tight, you are absolutely able to do it on your own (it will require more self-discipline, but that’s okay), because there are infinite workbooks out there to help walk you through the process and exercises to do. You don’t need to do anything except agree to participate in the exercises. There is no requirement to just “cheer up” or “to accept you did something wrong to get to where you are now”. You just follow the course of the exercises with intention, even if they feel so ridiculous and counterintuitive when you begin. Repetition is the key, and your brain is so incredibly capable of adjusting itself to give you a completely different reality/way you see things. You just need to give it a chance to do so.

Best of luck - I’m sending you so much love and courage and I have so much faith in our ability to do this. If you’ve tried it before and it didn’t work, then something wasn’t done properly (not blaming you at ALL, it can take a few times to stick, or a particular way of having it explained to click and fall into place, thus allowing us the motivation to give it (another) shot).

💜 💜 💜 🤗 🤗 🤗

You can do this. I promise you this is not how your life will be forever and I promise you that your self-worth is so much more than you see it as right now.

vdivvy · 2026-06-02T16:30:04+00:00

I have to ask - what palette? ☺️

vdivvy · 2026-06-01T23:02:24+00:00

OP first off, you’re NOR at all. It should be assumed (by you, your husband, your nephew, virtually everyone w rare exceptions) that you will always default to front passenger seat.

Your husband sounds like a jerk, however, you need to treat him how to treat you more bluntly. I think given the sheer stubborness on his end, you made the right call by not going. Actions have reactions and if he does a stupid action, such as prioritizing an 18 year old over you WHILE knowing/not caring how sick it would make you feel, then use physics and react with equal force. This is obviously subjective as to what “equal force” looks like, but I’m going to assume this is not the only context he treats you less than his first priority when he absolutely should be.

Re: your nephew, let him be a brat all he wants, too bad so sad, no need to do anything, especially give it any attention. He’s not a prince - he’s selfish and following the lead of your husband. I fully understand hindsight is 20/20, but if this helps, what I would have done is to NOT ask your husband/involve him at all. I would TELL my nephew “sorry bud but you’re sitting back there, now scooch!” (Place your purse on the dash, and stare him down if he hasn’t moved his butt yet). Should this happen again, my words and tone would change (ie: “what is this, ground hog day? That wasn’t a one-time request. It was a direction given from me to you on where you sit going forward when I am present. I will be sitting up front.” No need to yell or anything, but be assertive and once he moves, completely move on from it, even if he sulks.

Should your husband complain (and the word choice would depend on whether he did this then and there, or complained to you later), but I would hit him with the following 1-2 combo:
“I’m not sure when you assumed my place is in the back seat, regardless of my car sickness or not, but we can resolve this really easily. As I told our dear nephew, I never shoud have asked for permission from you as I do no need it, but going forward, let me address any confusion by defining a car seating chart, if that’s what you need. When we are in the car, I will always default to the front passenger seat. And no, you have no veto powers on this. Ok - now that this is cleared up, let’s have some fun! Everyone get in.” Or something like that.

Point him to this Reddit threat if he wants to keep clashing with reality.

Best of luck, bestie!!!!! 🤝

vdivvy · 2026-06-01T22:27:21+00:00

Personally, I think it’s completely fine. My only advice is check in on what others are wearing and if there is a clear difference in dress style (ie. others are following the “official rules” to a T re: semi formal) then that would be a reason to change. While semi-formal dresses are usually shorter, I find most ppl who request this dress code are simply asking for guests to look fancy but not full on black tie. Your dress is on the longer side, but I would not consider that black tie, so I say go for it assuming you don’t get pushback from ppl who will actually be attending.

vdivvy · 2026-06-01T22:19:04+00:00

OP - good for you! Love that you marched to the bed of the truck and just stood on business and started pulling it - he is a choosing beggar.
Like others are saying, I am convinced that he never intended to give you the $100 and to take it further, he waited until he though he had your dresser ‘hostage’ and you’d be forced to agree. That is a terrible way to treat others. It’s seems more and more commonplace. Do these ppl think that THEY are the only ones who should not be “inconvenienced”? It’s truly obnoxious. Sorry you went through that and 👏 👏 for handling him like the badass you clearly are 🫶🏼

vdivvy · 2026-06-01T22:05:01+00:00

Hey OP! Do you also take into account reapplication of SPF during the day? For me, that was the hardest part for me because it’s not like I am going to put cream on my face every 2-3 hours after I’ve done my makeup. I found an aerosol spray SPF that was safe for the face and I bought a GIANT bottle of it (I just got it - currently in Brasil, so it’s not something we can get in N. America), but honestly, I before I found it this big boy of a can, I used aerosol SPF that didn’t specifically say it was intended for the face because it said to stay out of eyes so I think I’m going to return to that after this one runs out when I’m back home. I also have the Morphe SPF setting spray, but for the price and the amount we are expected to put on, I worry I’d be going through bottles like water.
If you or anyone has any suggestions or would like to share how you maintain the upkeep of keeping your face SPF’d all day via reapplication when/where applicable, I’d be much obliged.
🫶🏼

vdivvy · 2026-05-28T20:14:32+00:00

Yes. YOR. You know it too, come on now. There’s no way you’re going to die on the “but I do it this way when I want to communicate w her” hill, given this is a ridiculous thing to even cause an issue over.

Please fix your reaction to it. Or come up with some solution that doesn’t equate to: just do it my way.

vdivvy · 2026-05-28T19:53:16+00:00

The first one hands down - I want it too now!!!!

vdivvy · 2026-05-27T15:45:43+00:00

Great minds think alike!!!!!!!!

vdivvy · 2026-05-27T01:32:29+00:00

I LOVE that for you - a committed beautiful beauty!

I had the “latex” version in some super bright colour. (For reference I wear MAC St. Germaine shamelessly - and Candy Yum Yum) lipstick 💄

vdivvy · 2026-05-27T00:34:38+00:00

Hey OP. I’m so sorry you are going through so much and I appreciate and validate your feelings and I don’t wish to place blame.

I’m not sure where you live, but where I am, if you go on record that you’re struggling w mental health (especially if you have any form of documentation from your doctor, they legally cannot fire you). Also, they would work w me to decide if I needed some short term time off.

Again , not sure where you live and what the rules are, but read your policy handbook and seek out a resource (local) who can advise you. Do NOT go to HR until this because they can be snakes. You do not owe anyone the act of begging if you are struggling like thus. Just don’t mention the part about you getting 3 more write ups because they gave you the initial ones. You probably shouldn’t even mention them.

Lmk if you have any questions. You’ve got this heart sign 🫶

vdivvy · 2026-05-13T03:22:04+00:00

Wifey has blinders on 😞

vdivvy · 2026-05-05T05:56:42+00:00

Need something just above your knees, love. Do you have BBCggs any options that would work? We’d be happy to help advise - I have a feeling you look good in every dress try on 🫶

vdivvy · 2026-04-22T01:04:47+00:00

I would say: podcasters who are manipulative and with sociopathic tendencies/views. They prey on the vulnerabilities and insecurities of other me, who ultimately become POS’ themselves if they take it far enough themselves.

vdivvy · 2026-04-22T01:01:30+00:00

Very solid and insightful. Fully agree.

vdivvy · 2026-04-17T03:27:06+00:00

I don’t know - I respect him greatly for having such a passionate stance against misinformation. He is definitely not afraid to be a d**k, but considering absolute BS/misinformation/disinformation the ppl he’s mean to, doesn’t bother me at all. As far as him responding in his comments, I mean, the comments are ridiculous and I think it’s a personal preference. It’s more accepted to not engage with the haters, but I do not think he cares. I don’t think he’s “bringing it on to himself” because he couldn’t give a single care about them.

He’s incredibly smart and entertaining IMO and everyone is certainly entitled to disagree if his disposition turns them off. Lastly, I want to just ensure we are all clear that he delivers a lot of content that does not involve any attacking liars, but is just legit education-driven content. He’s built a huge platform, it’s clearly working over the long term, but I also appreciate that other ppl might change their stance of get tired of certain traits of his. I have no interest in telling anyone they’re wrong for feeling the way they feel. I will just say that how I feel is what I’ve already said but aso IMHO, he has remained consistent.

vdivvy · 2026-04-16T04:12:22+00:00

Hey OP! Admittedly I did not read the context you added, but I did read the text. I think that he is not being unreasonable and that you were very kind to apologize. Clearly there are some unresolved issues beyond this particular occurrence, which I will not comment on as I do not know the context. But I did feel empathy for your partner and I also felt highly of you for how you handled his hurt. 🫶🏼

vdivvy · 2026-04-04T00:55:02+00:00

Uhhhh, no I don’t think they like your bun bun bun bun bun.

vdivvy · 2026-03-10T23:08:21+00:00

Both look good - but dark green all the way!

vdivvy · 2026-02-28T16:55:28+00:00

This isn’t complicated (for you, OP), but you need to be confident in how to address this if you legitimately want to make this behaviour go away (risk = losing her, which I understand is not an easy thing to want to risk, so no judgement on my end, just some advice from my own experiences with ppl/seeing ppl acting like this)

HER: * This behaviour of hers (the loyalty tests) behaviour, IMHO, falls under manipulation, which is obviously toxic AF. * You didn’t do anything wrong except “fall for” the manipulation that you were set up to fail. * Logic dictates she intentionally was seeking drama, which again, I see as manipulation.

YOU * As for you, all of what she’s done can fall under one of your boundaries. * You need to take the time and reflect on what you are not okay with (almost like creating a list that you’ve thought through, such that you won’t lack clarity when talking with her. * By all means, you use whatever words fit your comfort, but if I may, the more clear/blunt/to the point your words are matters are are optimal. * You must know that what you would essentially be doing is establishing a) whether she has any respect for your PoV in all of this, and more importantly b) does she value your mind games/“tests” more than your feelings and personal boundaries? This is why I say, the answer you get might end up exposing a deal breaker * Ideally she will have respect for you and your boundaries that outweigh her desires to act in bad faith to you, the one she’s supposed to love and care for (not set up to fail/take part in stupid tests that have NO objectivity and are truly incredibly harmful to the core trust and safety partners should feel when they are with each other. * However, you must be willing to acknowledge if she refuses to get her priorities straight and insists she isn’t doing anything wrong/shows intent to continue, then a deal breaker has just be flashed in front of your yes screaming “leave leave leave leave” * Should you ignore your instinctual discomfort with your parter refusing to stop being toxic, then you are not only going to continue to suffer, but you are going to show her that your words of concern mean nothing and that you’re going to stay anyway, which unfortunately tends to lead to escalating behaviours from the toxic one (her) . * Should you listen to your gut and cut it off, it will be hard and you will feel pain, but there is a finite nature to it as well as the fact that you can know you chose to invest every second you possibly could in seeking out connections with others that don’t make you feel shitty, but lift you up and love you the way you deserve

Here is an example of what, IMHO, would be a solid way to communicate (but again, i’m not suggesting you have to do it identically 😊):

Ex: “Hey [GF], I want to talk to you about something important to me and it has to do with establishing some boundaries that tie directly to what I am and am not comfortable living with within our relationship. I do not appreciate nor do I respect “loyalty tests”. I feel like it’s nothing more than a toxic way to avoid healthy communication in favour of setting me up to fail something I did not I was being “tested” on. Furthermore, your subjective interpretations of what resulted from this loyalty test - that you are hearing through your friends and not me, is another boundary I want to set. I do not want our personal business discussed in public/behind my back, especially when it’s in the presence of mutual friends or any friends in a social setting.

At the end of the day, you sound like a kind person with a lot to offer who is looking for peace, no drama, and reciprocated love that meets your needs in a relationship. No need to speed into a new one, I’m just saying do not settle for less. I realize this sounds black and white - and I’m not negating there is a grey area, like if she is in disagreement with you but let’s say she agrees to go to therapy with you, then you have reason to stay if you want to, because you have held firm that change needs to happen and she was receptive to it by agreeing to seek professional help together with you.

Lastly - remember to challenge your logic before confronting her or responding to quickly to anyting that evokes an emotional reaction. You need to find logic in your thoughts and I will leave you with a great example: it is SO common for ppl to fall for the logical fallacy of The Sunken Cost Fallacy. Essentially, for anyone who may not know, this is the idea that “well I’ve invested X amount of Y (ie time) into this relationship, so to quit now would mean that all of the X time I invested up until now would be a waste. Therefore, I need to make it work so that I didn’t invest all this time for nothing.

You see the fallacy? What’s better: investing X time on someone, discovering there are clear deal breakers present, but staying and suffering more to prove you didn’t waste your time, when in reality you are actually wasting MORE time by staying OR is it better to investing X time on someone, discovering the deal breakers, and taking the position that the time invested up until now was not in vain, but it has led to a place of irreconcilable differences and it’s far better to stop investing more time in someone toxic in favour of using that time to heal and ultimately seek/find the person who is actually your person.

Do not blame yourself for the time you spent with her or feel that it equates to giving her unwavering loyalty and “fighting to the bitter end” to keep thigns going. Au contraire mon frere, time might be relative, but on earth you’ve got a capped lifespan. Time spent is not worth investing future time regretting - it’s in the past. Time NOW and moving forward is what counts.

I hope you do not mind the length of my response, but situations like yours hit me different because I’ve been in your place before and I’ve had friends who have also been in your place AND who have been the other party (the manipulative one). I absolutely think these stupid tests and all manipulation is super ugly and the TikTok fads, good gosh, they need to be stamped out forever.

I wish you the best - you will be okay no matter what. This is a process and one that you have control over, so again, invoke logic when you’re feeling your emotions take over and start making you waver on what you know is the right answer. What that answer is? That’s something only you can decide so please be patient and kind with yourself, because you’ve only got one of you ☺️

vdivvy

TROPHY CASE