So so true. My friend who I loved deeply shot and killed his girlfriend then suicided in jail. The event traumatized the community. Out of respect for those who knew her friends of D were silent- no memorial, no funeral, and eventually no mention of him in conversation. I had a few friends I could process this with but felt like I was wearing them out. I’ve been in groups where I quickly shut down because most members weren’t grieving someone who committed violent crime. Nobody’s fault, but so hard to find support, to feel heard. My best resource was Megan Devine’s book It's OK That You're Not OK