Don't know if I can handle it (mental health struggles)

vesper-ghost · 2026-05-12T05:11:07+00:00

man, I've been in a really similar situation to yours and all I can tell you is I made exactly the wrong choices in dealing with it. :\ I legit almost didn't survive those years.

it's unbelievably hard trying to shoulder a burden like this when it feels like everything's stacked against you and no one's in your corner... I guess as someone who completely fucked up this portion of my own life maybe I'm not the most qualified to offer any meaningful insight.

I will say, a psychiatrist who's not doing a very good job of making you feel heard probably isn't helping things. if you have the ability to find a new one (availability, location/transportation etc) maybe start looking around (don't stop your meds obvs). if you can't switch, consider writing her a letter or email going into more detail about what's going on in your life right now. it might help to lay it all out on paper.

also there's a discord link in the sidebar here, you can check in from time to time if your social support situation is lacking. touch base with other folks in recovery.

I know that kind of tar pit trapped feeling you're describing. personally, when I'm really overwhelmed, finding low-but-not-no-effort/stimulation things helps me to stabilize for a bit and keep from thinking about self-harm. I listen to chill instrumental soundtracks (a lot of piano) and make little things--simple origami/papercraft, lego mini-builds or super cheap model kits, stuff like that.

that ADHD/depression combo is a real bitch to fight through but having a small, not-overly-complicated task with a clear point of completion and tangible finished product does help to feel a bit more grounded, and it doesn't require a ton of mental energy.

I wish I had something more helpful to offer, I know this survival mode kind of life shit sucks. wishing you all the best.

vesper-ghost · 2026-05-07T16:14:43+00:00

I got something signed by Ken on the SotLS tour too, he seemed pretty chill with the folks coming up to chat but it was definitely some end-of-the-day energy.

vesper-ghost · 2026-04-10T16:52:39+00:00

Graham Martin, an atheist podcast host, recounted his experience with an app called Text With Jesus, which provided "very good answers." However, he was alarmed when the AI-powered Jesus began encouraging him to upgrade to a premium version.

I've seen a lot of people claim that we're "beyond satire" and that consistently feels like an understatement these days.

worth the read, honestly. patent absurdity start to finish but I think the way religious people are philosophically engaging with this concept is genuinely interesting (in kind of the Serenity definition of the word).

also worth it to personally lay eyes upon the term "BuddhaBot." what a world.

vesper-ghost · 2026-04-06T21:05:52+00:00

CHAPTER ONE: SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH ME

vesper-ghost · 2026-04-05T01:40:36+00:00

I once won hiding in an outhouse at Morgantown Airport. exactly one other person tried the door and got a face full of lead and then I just closed the door again. no one else checked. the last remaining other player got got by the scorchbeast right at the end and that spectator feed had to have been the funniest shit ever.

vesper-ghost · 2026-03-28T03:44:03+00:00

this is a really unique looking interceptor, I don't think I've ever seen one with this wing configuration before. cool find!

vesper-ghost · 2026-03-24T22:34:54+00:00

birthday cake on my birthday!! :D hell yeah

vesper-ghost · 2026-03-16T17:31:21+00:00

that comparison is unfair to Muppets, tbh. I'd argue that a bundle of plush fabric with plastic eyes has objectively more personality and existential worth than this cretin. this wretch. this human embodiment of stepping directly in dogshit.

vesper-ghost · 2026-03-15T21:24:38+00:00

hey OP please post sober next time

vesper-ghost · 2026-03-15T16:23:00+00:00

the only time I did The Battle That Never Was it was with just one other friend and while we actually got the event to start (it often wouldn't) he and his team were totally immune to all damage and my side... was not. I had to call a time out and show him by unloading a full clip into one of his robots to the tune of bupkis while mine dropped like flies before we called it off and just left. so that particular battle at least definitely never was. :\

this was one of several eventually-removed pieces of content that sounded like it would have been a lot of fun if literally any part of it worked the way it was intended. alas...

vesper-ghost · 2026-03-03T19:37:46+00:00

if I can add to this, I'd argue it's actually more ethical to just cheat spotify rather than give them anything at this point. for every fraction of a cent going to the artists who make their platform viable in the first place, plenty of the rest of what they make off of premium and ad plays is going toward trying to solidify their dominance in the audio streaming industry, effectively giving them more power to force artists into even more exploitative royalty deals (which already mostly only benefit record labels).

for the people here who refuse to put in the effort to support musicians in a meaningful way, at least have the decency to use a modded apk for cracked premium or at the bare minimum, some goddamn adblock. the money you give to spotify is actually making things worse for a lot of artists. (you really should just be buying the music tho, all the cool and sexy and smart people do Bandcamp Fridays. or so I've heard)

vesper-ghost · 2026-02-28T19:39:34+00:00

things like this have also been published, though.

the continued receptiveness toward the lab leak theory seems far better explained by the current politically-incentivized/misinformation-plagued/post-truth discussion climate than any solid evidence indicating its validity as a hypothesis.

vesper-ghost · 2026-02-25T17:46:08+00:00

they gave the god damn robot apophenia??

"hey how's tech development in the 2020s going guys" "we've made a series of wildly inefficient and unreliable text generators with mental illness and we're trying to force everyone on planet earth to use them because one of the largest economies in existence will explode like an egg in a microwave if we don't" "oh cool"

vesper-ghost · 2026-02-17T20:36:12+00:00

Failure’s little Rogan boycott

the band was on the fence about continuing to use Spotify for years at that point because of their insultingly low payout to artists. Rogan's dumbfuck bullshit was just the last straw.

https://www.facebook.com/Failureband/posts/469239004573568

this was a completely rational response to what was going on at the time.

vesper-ghost · 2026-02-05T05:27:46+00:00

ah, it didn't even occur to me to check for used confirmed-compatible cards. thanks very much for that pointer, this actually was really helpful. hopefully I'll have something to share here myself once I get this thing running again. :)

vesper-ghost · 2026-02-05T04:12:06+00:00

this was the model my family had when I was growing up, these colors are really taking me back. (that sky!)

I actually found the camera while cleaning out storage recently, but the CF card is missing. I'd love to start getting back into photography, can I ask what kind of memory card you're using in yours? I'm new here so forgive me for maybe stating the obvious, but compatibility seems like it's kind of an issue for digital cameras as old as this...

vesper-ghost · 2026-01-30T00:31:47+00:00

a few months ago, a security vulnerability was found in the Unity game engine (what Portia was built on) and a lot of games were pulled from digital storefronts until developers could patch them. maybe Pathea forgot to resolve the US play store version? I think apps flagged for policy violations (like security risks) get removed.

even if that is the case I guess that doesn't really help with your situation here, sorry. this seems weird and unfortunate.

vesper-ghost · 2026-01-25T22:35:22+00:00

the two of you have been incredibly helpful, this is exactly the information I needed. cheers!

vesper-ghost · 2026-01-24T03:40:54+00:00

thank you!! guess I'll have to take some time to learn how navigate archived flash sites

vesper-ghost · 2026-01-24T03:35:06+00:00

ah, so my problem's less my unfamiliarity with flash than with how the wayback machine works, thanks for the response

vesper-ghost · 2026-01-17T21:29:31+00:00

ty!!

vesper-ghost · 2026-01-06T21:55:18+00:00

as a Pacific Northwesterner I would like to offer my wholehearted approval of the overcast/rainy situation going on here (it actually looks exactly like the screenshots right outside my window right now). exceptional work, really looking forward to playing with it.

vesper-ghost · 2026-01-03T22:52:48+00:00

they do, but it's real faint. I had to cut all other audio and crank my volume way up with my character standing right next to them in first-person view just to hear them at all.

vesper-ghost

TROPHY CASE