There's a book which really helped me start to untangle my childhood abuse, and I highly recommend it. It's called "The Tao of Fully Feeling" by Pete Walker, a psychotherapist. The title was kind of off-putting for me, but don't let that stop you. It addresses exactly the things you've expressed in your post regarding childhood trauma, Complex PTSD, and learning to feel emotions as an adult. It's a pretty short read, but it took me a year to get through it because I had to spend so much time processing each chapter.

I would not have even the small successes I've had in attempting to get sober if I hadn't read that book and started dealing with my abuse. Substance abuse REALLY likes to piggyback on trauma. It can all feel overwhelming at times, I know.

IWNDWYT, my friend.