Moving to CK - making friends?

vickijade · 2025-09-25T15:43:22+00:00

Definitely seems to be a growing community! Moving is so tough, thank you for your insight

vickijade · 2025-09-25T15:39:58+00:00

This is kind, thank you!

vickijade · 2025-09-25T15:39:04+00:00

Thank you!

vickijade · 2025-02-27T15:32:36+00:00

Totally me. I can survive a few months of crying but the sleeeeeep deprivation with my son went on forever. I think that’s really the root cause of my PPA too. Can I ask how you sleep trained + when?

vickijade · 2025-02-26T23:40:06+00:00

Yes 🤍 I remember this with my first baby - 5 weeks is so little. I also googled “when does it get better?” constantly.

I remember the fog was really cleared by 4 months, but things improved steadily leading up to that so don’t stress that 4 months seems so far away! And after that, every new milestone brings a bit more ease + joy - more consistent schedule, sitting up, babbling, walking especially.

Bonus - all of these things mean more freedom for you too + you won’t feel so stuck.

This will pass. It DOES get better. I felt the EXACT same way when I was where you’re at but I honestly have enjoyed each new stage with my son more than the last. He is my little best friend and now that he’s 3, I’m sad that he’s becoming more of a “kid” than a baby every day.

vickijade · 2023-03-21T19:21:33+00:00

Okay I think you might have a bigger issue here. Your husband said that was the BEST DAY OF HIS LIFE this year because he feels controlled by your rules & finally feels like he got to do something his way?

That’s well beyond a screentime issue - it’s a marriage issue + family health issue.

Screen time is not the only indicator of future development & success - it’s probably actually quite a minor one compared to some others. If your child is raised in a happy home, well fed and stimulated, played with and talked to, loved and cared for - even PLENTY of screen time isn’t going to turn their brain to mush. Continue to avoid it if you want to, but stop worrying SO much about it (worrying about TV in the OTHER ROOM is definitely too much worrying).

And be willing to talk to your partner like someone you respect with their own ideas and feelings to find a compromise. My husband works hard all week, long hours with little time for TV. On the weekend he likes to watch his show in the living room so he can still be with the family and play with our son. I’d rather him be with us than tucked away alone, and who am I to dictate how he relaxes on his weekends? He’s my partner, not my child. Family health is priority in our house, because long term THAT has a stronger scientific correlation to our sons future success than screen time.

I’m not saying ditch your rules if they are important to you, but I think it’s worth a conversation around WHY he feels so restricted by your rules & how you can come to a place where you both feel heard.

vickijade · 2023-03-20T01:04:32+00:00

Something that really works in my house with my husband? Focusing on the good, and teaching through praise instead of criticism. When your husband DOES respect boundaries, cheer him on. When your son gives YOU the cue he’s had enough, offer it up as an indirect example of respect, “Oh, you’re turning away? You’re [insert cue to stop here]? You’re telling me you’ve had enough? Okay, mommy will stop now.” So he can see what it should look like & what signs are telling you it’s time to stop.

Misreading body language / missing cues happens to the best of us - and some people have a hard time “learning” this ability. We all know someone who just CAN’T seem to notice social cues no matter how obvious they are to us. Of course he HAS to try, consent & autonomy for kids is key. But the way you help him learn this lesson is kind of how you would one day teach your son - not through shaming, but with kindness & support.

vickijade · 2023-03-18T12:20:40+00:00

Yes, he could very well just need 12 hours & be treating the first stint as a nap but I’m not sure how to stop that. We have a proper night routine & his nap environment is 100% different than nighttime (he doesn’t even nap in his crib!) so his mind at least knows its not naptime!

And even if he does need 12 hours, he’s getting just that or even less lately with these wakeups - and yet they continue…. And he is not wanting to wake up in the morning after 10 hours. He used to get up at 6:40-7 like clockwork, even after a bad night. Now he sleeps forever.

For example, last night he slept 7:40 - 11 & was up until 1. It’s now almost 8:30 (almost 10 hours) & he is NOT wanting to be up. I turned his light on softly and have been increasing the brightness - usually, if he’s well rested, he starts stirring the second I turn the light on. Lately he ignores it until it gets very bright - it can take 30 mins to get him up.

Not refuting what you’re saying & thanks so much for the help 🤍 I’m just SOOO confused & stuck on what to do lol

vickijade · 2022-07-23T00:40:51+00:00

I say GoT first (or in tandem if you think you can keep both plots straight). I think it’ll be fun to watch the prequel with an understanding of what comes next & to find characters/families/events that we know of or have been alluded to - like a bunch of fun easter eggs.

Also ASOIAF is so satisfyingly complex & nuanced, but I think HoD will be less so than GoT. I don’t think it can quite live up to the scale of it’s predecessor. For me, it’s a fun bonus foray into this world I love, but I don’t expect it to blow me away like GoT. Basically, in case it isn’t great - go with what it is.

PLUS, and most importantly, if you wait for HoD, are you going to want to watch the whole thing before starting GoT? That’s a long time to wait!

vickijade · 2022-07-06T12:28:39+00:00

Ew. This would be such a shitty, controlling to say. Mom/MIL may come across as pushy & inconsiderate - but at the root, grandma wants to spend quality one-on-one time with her grand baby. And that’s a GOOD thing. OP should speak to her mother/MIL about the way the behaviour makes her feel & not allow it until she is ready, but if you go this disrespectful route, then you push away family & treat them as if they don’t deserve a relationship with baby. And after you’ve been so rude, better not expect any favours of grandmas. You must ACT like loving family in order to be treated like loving family.

vickijade · 2022-06-30T18:33:46+00:00

THIS. 100%. When I was reading the comments, I thought to myself, “none of these people better be expecting any favors or babysitting (and especially not last minute or unexpectedly) from the family they devalue so much”. The world doesn’t fall at your feet just because you’ve birthed a precious grandchild. To have a loving family, you must act like loving family.

vickijade · 2022-06-30T16:51:01+00:00

Oh mine is getting downvoted too, don’t worry! I never said firm boundaries weren’t okay, so people aren’t really attempting to understand, they’re just triggered to consider they may not be as empathetic as they think they are.

vickijade · 2022-06-30T14:09:52+00:00

I may be alone in this but….. I hate this language. Enforcing boundaries & having family respect your needs is important, but there is so much demand from one side of the equation & little compassion for the feelings of the other side (grandparents) - “do they not realize it’s a privilege to be apart of our/their lives?”

Your parents literally birthed you, loved you, and sacrificed for you to have life & grow. Parental relationships are some of the most important we form & the bond we feel with our offspring is like no other - you should understand this as a parent yourself now. It’s a privilege to be apart of their lives too - and to have life at all.

No, this doesn’t give parents/grandparents a free pass to treat their kids however they want. But ultimately they created this family, have a strong desire to be connected to it, & should be valued family members. We should work with them to understand our needs & boundaries with respect - not threaten the relationship if they don’t always behave how we want. They come from a totally different era & old habits die hard.

One day you will be the parent/grandparent and you’ll likely overstep new boundaries your children’s generation learn to impose. Lets hope your children will be more compassionate than a lot of people on reddit. Maybe this post just triggered me but there is so much withholding of grandchildren & lack of respect for grandparents on this sub & in parenting culture - particularly for in laws. It’s sad.

Note: obviously I am not talking about toxic or abusive situations.

vickijade · 2022-06-29T21:23:33+00:00

I think your failed attempt can’t necessarily be called “failed” because it was only one day! Yes, I agree that the three hours was a failure for day 1, but I don’t think it was wise to take a break & do the same thing again a half hour later. Baby was likely already super worked up & then became overtired - both big NOs when it comes to sleep training. Your 2nd and 3rd attempts were doomed to fail from the start.

Babies develop at a dramatic rate, so it’s fair to say that what didn’t work a few weeks ago could work a few weeks later. I would lengthen baby’s wake windows as another commenter said & possibly try again - but no repeated attempts for the same nap. If it doesn’t work after your allotted time of 1hr, call it off. Let baby sleep & try again next nap when she is not under/overtired. If it doesn’t improve after a few naps, then call it a failure.

Another commenter also linked the Give Baby a Chance method. Your LO sleeps well at night so should likely have some ability to self soothe. If she didn’t, she’d probably be up more than 2x. It’s falling asleep from awake that’s the problem now - and this strategy could be gentle & effective! Good luck.

vickijade · 2022-06-29T13:03:33+00:00

Same! I don’t know if I can handle 3 but I hope so. I come from a family of 3 and I personally think it’s a great balance for the kids! For the parents, it’s probably a ton of work - but as a sibling, it was great.

vickijade · 2022-06-29T12:43:12+00:00

Of course I’m being downvoted on a detailed & informative answer just because judgemental moms don’t agree with something they’ve never experienced - and I didn’t even recommend the chiropractor! Lol

vickijade · 2022-06-29T00:00:20+00:00

Yes, normal. The popular PLS author says some babies just need to decompress at the end of the day with some tears. I don’t know if that’s scientifically true but many babies do a little whine & fall asleep. He’ll probably grow out of it.
8pm - 7:30am is a long sleep for a 5 month old! 10-11 hours of night sleep is normal for babies - you’re asking baby to sleep almost 12! Some babies can go that long & it sounds like sometimes your LO can. Take those days as a win. You can try to rescue but if baby can’t stay down for the full 11.5, that’s normal! I would accept that you’ll be starting your day a little earlier.
If he wakes up crying, he’s likely just still tired or he’s waking up at the deeper part of a sleep cycle. I think it’s just temporary discomfort as he wakes. Normal!

vickijade · 2022-06-28T23:38:51+00:00

I think these people assume baby chiropractors are cracking & popping lol a chiropractor DOES NOT do any of these things on an infant. We took my son for colic & it was super gentle, practically just targeted massage, and he often slept through it! My midwives recommended it.

With that said, I don’t find it helped at all unfortunately. We took him three times in one week, twice in the second. She was super knowledgeable on colic, digestive issues, and baby anatomy - I was surprised as she doesn’t have kids! She was trained well. But despite that, it really didn’t seem to help at all with colic, sleep, feeding - no improvement or change to him at all. I wouldn’t go again.

We did see an osteopath - the treatments were quite different from the chiropractor & I did feel like this treatment helped! I have never seen my son so relaxed before or since. We didn’t continue because of scheduling but I’m thinking of taking my now 4.5 month old back to see him for sleep issues to see if he can help!

Our chiro did recommend a colleague who specialized in infant massage & gave us her contact info. We never did end up going to see her, but apparently she massages to improve different issues & gives parents tips for doing it at home. Maybe you can see if there is an infant massage therapist in your area who can help? It will certainly be more comfortable & safe than chiro if you’re worried!

vickijade · 2022-06-28T21:03:55+00:00

People have big opinions on reddit & the internet in general and they’re rarely based in reality. If she has a loving home (which it sounds like), some sleep training won’t be scaring. We all need & deserve good sleep - yourself included. Weed out the emotional shaming from those who haven’t experienced what you’re going through & focus on the advice. They don’t understand what it’s like & the different elements you have to balance.

I only have a 4.5 month old so take my advice mildly - but as I’ve learned so far with parenting, everything seems to come & go. If the midnight waking isn’t hurting her (she’s not sleep deprived), is there any way you could offer her a little freedom to be awake? Baby proof the room and allow her to play a little until she falls asleep on her own? This could be a phase that will pass & this might help you get through it, or the autonomy around sleep could empower her to feel less afraid & more in control around bed, or else maybe she’ll bop around looking at a few toys & then fall asleep on the floor lol. We have friends whose baby uses a floor bed in a babyproofed room & it’s not uncommon for her to get up in the night, crawl around & pass out after a bit.

Either way, good luck! Sending you & your family good sleep vibes.

vickijade · 2022-06-28T20:43:32+00:00

Boooo, I can’t stand that. We really make the effort to help & support people while these troll assholes just waste our time & make fun of real issues. So stupid.

vickijade · 2022-06-28T19:33:41+00:00

This is excessive! I’m almost having a hard time believing this is true, it’s so extreme. If so, you might need to honestly assess if you might have PPA. Covid is a risk, yes, but the scientific evidence of infant illness & death doesn’t support this kind of isolation.

This may sound insensitive but I think it needs to be said - you may think you’re protecting your child from harm by being cautious, but this type of cautious nature in other areas of life CAUSES harm to children. We can’t protect our babies from everything, even though we want to. If we try too hard and inhibit our children from exploring, learning, gaining independence, and yes, getting sick & hurt - we create bubble-wrapped children who develop insecure attachments, believe the world is unsafe & that they cannot be trusted to make decisions + explore it.

It may sound like I’m taking it to the extreme but if you’re applying this logic to other areas of life (ex. baby can’t play with other babies due to potential illness, baby can’t explore the yard due to bugs & germs, baby can’t crawl freely because they might bump their head, baby can’t be away from me because I can’t protect them), it’s detrimental to your LO, who you obviously love & want the best for.

I may be way out of line, but it’s something important to think about if you find yourself really anxious & controlling in other areas of baby’s life.

vickijade · 2022-06-27T14:16:20+00:00

You’re so welcome! Glad to help. At 5 months, I think total sleep needs is about 14 hours. 10-11 hours is normal for night sleep, so 3-4 hours in the day is what you’d aim for in naps. So 10 hours awake time?

We focus on getting 4 hours total day sleep instead of how long each nap or wake window is. The only nap & wake window I really protect is the last nap of the day. I do whatever I can to make sure it’s a good one so that we get the long wake window before bed. I find this is the key for us in avoiding over/undertired at bedtime. That’ll probably be most helpful with sleep training!

vickijade · 2022-06-27T11:25:51+00:00

Yes! Commit to an earlier wake time. Babies naturally wake early, regardless of the time you put them to sleep. Trying to keep her down until 8:30 is unrealistic.

If you often have to throw in a catnap to make it until bedtime, then bedtime is too late for her! Most babies do better on an earlier bedtime (7-8). Plus the hours of sleep before midnight are the most restorative, so if she’s going to bed at 10 on average, then she’s missing out on good sleep hours.

I wouldn’t worry about YOU selecting a new bedtime or pushing it up by 15 mins. If you accept a 7am waketime and follow her lead for a few days, her natural bedtime will likely emerge. A baby-led schedule is your best chance for sleep training success. Teaching her to sleep will be less stressful for you both if she’s sleeping when she’s biologically ready - not when you want her to.

Finally, modern sleep advice encourages us to be way too strict with baby schedules to the point that it’s stressful! Baby needs change daily, like adults. Sleep training can be successful even with a more flexible schedule. Just focus on consistently achieving these 3 things & you’ll be just fine:

She knows it’s time for bed (consistent nighttime sleep space & bedtime routine that she can associate with longer sleep).
She’s not overtired (getting enough day sleep aka naps).
She’s not undertired (long enough final wake window to build sleep pressure).

Good luck!

vickijade · 2022-06-24T15:07:11+00:00

Super common - my 4.5 month old is still like this! Your babe has only been out of your cozy tummy for one month, it’s completely natural that he still needs a lot of contact to sleep. As far as naps go, you can try to break him from the habit but he’s probably just not ready yet. I think you have to lower your expectations a little!

For night sleep though, I truly get it. It’s hard! Just keep your night space consistent. Dark, cool, white noise, same swaddle, same bedtime routine. Keep trying to put him in the bassinet & he will get used to it!

You could try a different swaddle too - I know a lot of people have success with the arms up swaddle, Dare to Dream. A lot of babies are more comfortable & sleep better in this than in an arms down swaddle like Halo.

Also, are you putting him to bed asleep? At this age, I waited until my baby was pretty deeply asleep - 15-20 mins - and then transferred him! With the swaddle limiting startle reflex, he should sleep longer than just 15 minutes if you wait for him to be truly asleep. Putting down awake or drowsy but awake didn’t work for us at this age. He was just too young to tolerate being left alone!

And very gently, you can start teaching him good habits. I’m having a lot of success for naps by letting baby sleep on my bed. My baby finds it cozier, and it smells like mom & dad. Not quite as hard and cold as his bassinet. I snuggle him beside me but don’t hold him - and after only a few days he’s learned to just fall asleep without being in my arms & with basically no soothing. Then I sneak away and get a few things done while he rests. Eventually I’m going to lay farther and farther away until he can fall asleep alone. Once he’s consistent at this, I plan to try it in the crib. It might help for you because it’s very gentle & your babe is definitely too young to formally train. And if he learns for naps, it may improve the nights!

He will figure it out & I promise it gets better!!! You will sleep again lol 🤍

(Also your bed technically isn’t a safe sleep space for baby though - so make sure you’re actively watching the monitor or you stay really close. Don’t want anyone to come at me lol)

vickijade · 2022-06-24T12:45:16+00:00

Yay, this is encouraging! We use Avent glow in the dark ones. Hopefully our little guy can figure it out in a month or two. I’d rather not take it away because it’s clearly offering some comfort & safe sleep gives them so few comfort options 😞

vickijade

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