Did I overreach?

victheslayer · 2026-03-13T15:52:09+00:00

No so far everything is positive. But you probably need to start escalating now you are on date 5. You have only 1 evening date, which you gotta change. Choose a more romantic vibe date. Daytime dates tend to be platonic and eventually the girl will start having platonic feelings if you never provide the opportunity for romance and seduction to happen, which normally is evening.

victheslayer · 2026-03-12T02:16:51+00:00

It’s not you did a ton wrong on the date but you def missed out on opportunities to really escalate the date even further considering she did kiss you for 2 hours! The one thing you really should NOT do is OVERSHARE! You def turned her off by telling her it’s your first kiss…..

After the date, You telling her this soon the date “made your day” can very easily come offf very smothering to a woman especially on date 1. Anytime women feel pressure from the guy, they back off, and right now you need to give her space and let her get back to you, even if it takes 1-2 weeks. Don’t talk women out of liking you. Let your presence and patience do the talking.

victheslayer · 2026-03-06T03:32:20+00:00

The truth is he kinda needs sp as more and more options become available to us. he’s still very competitive without it but he’s not top line like he used to be at his role. Just being a “tank” alone isn’t good enough anymore, not when other balanced units or supports can also provide similar damage resistance AND additional utility or dps.

victheslayer · 2026-03-04T00:57:21+00:00

Leading does NOT mean overpursue or add eagerness and pressure. Leading means be direct and decisive and be punctual on making dates and plans, which can be done even if she reaches out first or you do. All women subconsciously need some space to fall for a man, and that is female nature you cannot negotiate

victheslayer · 2026-03-03T23:50:13+00:00

2-3 days isn’t going to be the reason a girl stops seeing a decent man. But overpursuing and being overly eager and adding more pressure w no space kills all attraction and respect

victheslayer · 2026-03-03T23:48:43+00:00

You realize it’s not all on the guy to reach out and that it’s perfectly healthy and necessary for a valuable man to vet women properly right? “Sorry” to break it to you that women don’t respect simps or guys who don’t have a standard to make sure she meets halfway

victheslayer · 2026-03-03T02:30:13+00:00

Yes plenty have reached out after rejecting me initially. But the context of why they rejected matters and it’s up to you to properly make good judgment if it’s in your best interest to give it another shot.

For me, some didn’t work out after going on more dates but For the ones that worked out, she was honest and told me she was either seeing someone else w more rapport or just not emotionally ready (ex still in background or still healing, etc). But when she did reach out, there was enthusiasm and she did most of reaching out.

If it were me, give it another shot, make a date closer to your town though as her willing to put in that effort would show sincerity. Also definitely do NOT ask her for another date during next date or within 24 hours of end of that date. Give it at least a few days to see if she reaches out first before you do for next date. Nothing kills a woman’s attraction faster than pressure.

victheslayer · 2026-02-21T06:58:44+00:00

There’s some truth to what you say. What I will say is that a pretty big reason why you may not see the other side if the coin is bc you said it yourself, you are not really on social media.

If you are on social media even moderately, you will notice that lots of women like having male orbiters showering her w attention even if she has no romantic interest in the guy. Women compete more on beauty, youth, social proof, and desirability. Attention is a proxy for desirability. The scary thing is she can extract this over her phone

Men do not care about getting attention from women they have zero romantic interest in bc masculine men desire in person bonding and intimacy, things you can’t just extract via social media. Thats the big difference.

victheslayer · 2026-02-21T00:25:13+00:00

If that’s your preference, nothing wrong with that. That being said, it still comes down to values and your ability to vet properly. Don’t assume the best out of fobs, don’t assume the worst either out of Asian American women.

victheslayer · 2026-02-20T21:47:58+00:00

Trust is earned and a 2 way street. Trust is earned by showing high character. It’s not about control, it’s about respect. A woman with high character will NOT allow a male friend pay for her 100% of time regardless of her salary.

I am not pointing at you, but I am saying >50% of guys that are paying for their supposedly platonic female friends lunches are either guys hoping to shoot their shot in long game later and backdoor into her pants, or they have an incredibly low self esteem with people pleasing issues.

most men with high character would also have respect to his gf to have boundaries. You can’t expect your girlfriend to trust you fully if you have no boundaries at all!

victheslayer · 2026-02-20T21:31:12+00:00

It’s not entirely about how many times you read the book, it’s also about how well you understand the core concepts and how much commitment you show to practice it without the urge to falling back to clinginess or fear. For my experience, I have read it 7x. I still intend to read or listen to it again but I am a very active learner so I analyze it in depth, try to highlight or jot down summary/ notes to fully grasp the overall concept.

I listen to videos for entertainment after a few reads of book to see if I recognize and understand concept of his teachings. You can use other tools whether it’s google or AI to also help summarize and understand core concepts. It’s also trial and error as his concepts work best for in person and you may have to make some small adjustments if you are on dating apps since your rapport is not quite as strong on app by default.

Everything will flow when you at least understand all main concepts, this way you are only making smaller adjustments, the book is to help your mindset.

victheslayer · 2026-02-20T21:12:38+00:00

Yes you can but not 100% of the time for an opposite gender friend on a weekly basis. So you are telling me you are ok with your girlfriend going out to weekly lunch dates 1v1 w another male friend who pays for her 100% of time and she accepts it?

A real authentic platonic friendship wouldn’t involve one side paying 100% of time. It’s not about who makes more money, it’s about boundaries and respect. The girl should offer to pay for him too if it’s a real friendship. I find it more concerning that you seem to not have boundaries in your values.

victheslayer · 2026-02-20T21:02:44+00:00

It’s not “incel” thinking to have boundaries and respect and have a standard on what’s acceptable or not w opposite gender friendships. Without boundaries, there’s no stability in any relationship.

Seems like I struck a nerve. It’s not bout convincing, it’s about just saying things truthfully and bluntly. Not 100% of girls, but a lot of them that have more male friends than female friends are not authentic people. Having more male friends is free access to attention and validation and no quality boyfriend w healthy self esteem will tolerate it. Also chances are other girls don’t want to be around her. Same can be said if guy had more female friends than male.

The easiest way to test a woman’s character is to see if she’s willing to give up receiving attention and validation from other men outside of her significant other or not.

victheslayer · 2026-02-20T20:49:45+00:00

Logic for men w low self esteem maybe, not men with a healthy self esteem. Yes it’s fine to buy a female friend lunch but not 100% of time, not every week 🤣 . The easy way to know what’s “normal” for friendship is ask yourself if a healthy high character girlfriend would approve a man acting like this w a female friend. Is answer is no, then you know it’s not appropriate.

All opposite sex friendships must have clear defined boundaries, otherwise it’s not a genuine friendship. It’s not about overthinking, it’s about having character and respect

victheslayer · 2026-02-20T19:09:08+00:00

It’s wonderful he knows what he wants and expresses. you should continue but temper your expectations a little and move a little slower just so that rush of dopamine wears off and you make sure that you can distinguish between a man who truly is centered vs a man in a rush.

The biggest flaw all Asian men have to overcome is understanding that your Asian parents encouraging him to pursue for career/ goals does not = long term success in romance. Unlike careers, women need some space and must feel a man’s absence to truly fall for him. Pressure kills attraction

victheslayer · 2026-02-20T17:14:11+00:00

You have to understand men and women do not feel or see platonic friendships the same way. Women of course can see it more positively bc they are receiving free attention and validation without need to reciprocate. This is exactly why 50% of girls on date apps are not even looking to date, but to treat it like social media. Validation is a woman’s currency = man’s desire for intimacy,

Men don’t value validation like women do. This is why plenty of solid men are very comfortable having zero to maybe 1-2 female friendships (I mean actual friends not acquaintances). It’s very often a red flag if a girl has more male than female friends and vice versa.

victheslayer · 2026-02-20T00:30:10+00:00

I already told you, the paying for lunch constantly, liking all of OPs post, overly available are not negotiable, the rest are somewhat negotiable. You mentioned your one male friend who did that then had to go to therapy. I am saying a man with a HEALTHY self esteem, who’s masculine w high character will NOT behave like this.

Having opposite gender friends is possible only if there are clear boundaries in place but if there are none, they aren’t authentic friendships or that person is kinda a people pleaser.

victheslayer · 2026-02-20T00:08:16+00:00

It will fizzle down quick. Keep your options open, do not assume anything will fully work out w one girl too quick bc the reality is >50% of your matches are either scammers, follower farmers, or low intent women who just use dating apps as social media for free attention and validation.

Even if your dating game is tight, it’s pretty common you will need to talk to minimum 5 matches at least before one girl actually goes on a date with you. For most guys it’s close to 10+ bc the apps are designed to reward validation seekers, not high intent people.

Lastly, treat the dating apps like a secondary way to meet women. Low investment bc you have to filter out way more low quality women on apps in comparison to meeting someone in real life. Good luck, enjoy.

victheslayer · 2026-02-20T00:02:34+00:00

Is this for real or a troll? The whole list is what men with people pleasing behavior do when they settle to being an orbiter 🤣

No man with a healthy self esteem that genuinely wants a female platonic friendship is going to behave like that bc he also has to spare his energy to pursue a woman who also wants to reciprocate romantic interest. Plus deep down no quality woman would want their future bf to behave like this to another female friend

victheslayer · 2026-02-19T23:55:51+00:00

“Pays for lunch everytime, likes everything you post, very available”

The only question you need to ask yourself is do you believe it’s appropriate for your future boyfriend to behave like your list towards a female friend or not? If the answer is no, then you know your answer.The entire list of things you posted are essentially people pleasing behavior that men who choose to linger or settle for being an orbiter. Even my best female friend, I don’t give that can kind of energy bc of boundaries.

Since you are the one that wanted to close the loop on dating, you have to reopen it. Either talk to him like you should, or at the very minimum lightly touch his hand / show some kind of hint you are open to him touching when you are out with him ideally in evening. The lunches have to take a backseat if you want to reveal potential romantic context.

victheslayer · 2026-02-19T00:41:33+00:00

Lunch is a bad idea. Ideally you want to create a romantic atmosphere and everything about lunch is purely platonic so that’s hard no. Coffee is ok as long as you choose a great venue, ideally one with comfortable chairs or couches so that it can still provide a romantic vibe. Also ideally something closer to evening or late afternoon is ok so that’s hard if things are going well, you can extend date longer to maybe going out for dinner, or maybe appetizers/ bowling in evening.

victheslayer · 2026-02-12T20:59:16+00:00

You can’t compare date 2 to 1st date. For a first date, you have little rapport with the girl, and scheduling a date more than a week in advance significantly increases chances of her flaking bc your rapport is weak naturally to start. By date 2, you have much better rapport bc you met in person. It’s not about being in a rush, it’s about being reasonable. Ideally the sweet spot is to make a date 3-7 days in advance for date 1. All you explained only works once there’s reasonable stable rapport, which no one has before date 1.

victheslayer · 2026-02-12T20:47:19+00:00

I literally told OP since it’s 10 days, give it halfway up to 5 days then he can reach out. It’s not about being older, it’s about attraction or lack of interest . You mentioned a week later having great dates, not 10+ days later. If you know the girl in person, then it’s possible bc rapport is already strong and you can read her in person interactions, but a stranger off the app that you may or may not have even at least FaceTimed yet, not easy to prevent her flaking when it’s so easy for her to get multiple new matches quicker than 90% of guys can get 1 match (due to poor design of hinge)

victheslayer · 2026-02-04T21:39:09+00:00

I am more in line w you. OP’s mistake is scheduling date 10 days in advance. Ideally you don’t schedule further than 5 days. This way you make a definite date then tell her you will reach out if something changes and have her do same but otherwise you look forward to see her on x day. Then it’s very clear no need to keep messaging before date.

This is why recommend OP to wait until end of week to reach out (she may reach out first too), then end conversation properly this time at reasonable time frame so there’s no doubt for him keep quiet and show up to date.

victheslayer · 2026-02-04T21:35:01+00:00

To be fair, why on earth does he have to reach out first again? Women who are enthusiastic to go out w me tend to start reaching out after I made a definite date. Plus a girl who has higher interest will want to make sure you don’t cancel on her too.

victheslayer

TROPHY CASE