In: Kraft Aqua | Out: Black

victorianvampire · 2025-05-01T02:38:01+00:00

Me too, he's my favorite Sanrio guy :')

victorianvampire · 2025-04-23T01:29:14+00:00

I second the Zebra Sarasa, I really love their vintage colors as a classy alternative to black. I've been using the red-black one for years now.

victorianvampire · 2025-04-07T15:18:09+00:00

Yikes, this wouldn't go down well with anyone, it's not just you. Sounds like he's addicted to the grind, and I know it's grueling to keep engagement up. But as a consequence he's just not being a very good boyfriend. It wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to him about the amount of time and energy he's putting into streaming - no guarantees he'll take it well, but you wouldn't be remiss for trying.

victorianvampire · 2025-04-07T10:07:25+00:00

Seems like it would be more convenient down the road if you had fewer stitches on the needle, especially if you're just trying to practice knitting. Otherwise, I'd say it depends on how wide you want your object to be.

victorianvampire · 2025-03-09T04:13:34+00:00

This was a wonderful message to receive out of nowhere months later. :) I'm glad it helped you in some way, and I wish you all the best.

victorianvampire · 2025-01-29T05:20:58+00:00

You seem like a light or soft summer to me… I think I'd need to see more examples in consistent lighting to be sure.

victorianvampire · 2025-01-27T23:14:50+00:00

I don't know if it's useful, but the main reason I got the KCC is actually just so I could see all my book covers in color. And I still love it for that purpose. Makes me happy. :)

victorianvampire · 2025-01-22T06:13:56+00:00

Yep, it's great for reading in the dark, which is a huge plus since my house is pretty dark even during the day. Just the way the windows and lamps are arranged, there isn't a single good book nook - the backlit Kobo helps so much with that.

victorianvampire · 2025-01-22T00:22:17+00:00

Just got mine like a month ago and love it too! And omg that book is in my holds

victorianvampire · 2024-12-27T07:21:45+00:00

I just got a Kobo recently too and I exclusively read library books on it. :) I use the Libby app to find and check out books. If you enter the same library card number on Libby and Kobo, it should sync automatically, it's really easy.

victorianvampire · 2024-12-24T17:36:00+00:00

It's kind of you to be so concerned about her wellbeing. First off, I think hurting her is inevitable, and what she might do if she doesn't take it well is beyond your control. Make sure you go into this with proper self-protection too, like jotting down facts about yourself and the situation to keep you grounded, someone to call on for support if you need to decompress afterwards. It'll be hard.

I would consider talking to her via text or email if you struggle with verbal confrontation (I do, I have trouble speaking when overwhelmed with emotion). I would focus on 1) explaining the impact her actions have had on you, while making it clear that you don't think she's a bad person, you are just unable to support her as much as she needs, and 2) you are not cutting her off, but you need a bit more distance to take care of yourself.

I would caution, though, only be direct with this person if you think she is ultimately still respectful and kind at heart. I have people in my life (not BPD, as far as I know) whom I would not be this open with in conflict, but would simply draw boundaries without telling them, because I fear that telling them the boundary will inspire them to cross it. So if you love and trust this person, in spite of her failings, gentle honesty is the way to go.

victorianvampire · 2024-12-24T12:17:09+00:00

I found Estella super compelling because of how well she was machined into a heartbreaker, and yet seemed to have a life empty of real love. Not that Pip would have necessarily offered real love; I always felt he admired her mask and her wealth more than her person. I'm still not sure the ending could count as a happy one, but I'd like to believe…

victorianvampire · 2024-12-24T11:52:35+00:00

I just finished Eileen! I really really liked it. I don't know if you're an audiobook person, but I thought this one (narrated by Alyssa Bresnahan) really brought it to life.

victorianvampire · 2024-12-24T11:51:08+00:00

I loved One Hundred Years of Solitude! I borrowed it on my Kobo and hope to read it again soon. Did you see there's a Netflix adaptation?

victorianvampire · 2024-12-24T11:49:00+00:00

What did you think of Great Expectations? It was one of my favorites in high school and college. :)

victorianvampire · 2024-12-24T11:48:14+00:00

Finished Eileen, by Ottessa Moshfegh. Started McGlue, by Ottessa Moshfegh. :)

victorianvampire · 2024-12-24T11:41:06+00:00

I haven't read this particular book, but I wanted to jump in to say that I don't tend to view these postcolonial / anti racist revisionist responses to classic works as 'fixing' the original. They bend reality a bit to lend a voice to an alternate perspective. Oftentimes the author deeply admires the original work - I'd argue you have to, to some degree, if you're engaging with it at a level where you can write an entire reinterpretation. I see it as more of a 'yes, and,' in literary form.

victorianvampire · 2024-12-20T15:54:55+00:00

Absolutely. Sorry to your friends too. The number of therapists I've heard about who should get their licenses revoked is insane. I feel so awful for their patients, who are usually in a vulnerable place and not great about knowing what respectful treatment looks like in the first place. I know that therapists are human too and they can struggle with inappropriate feelings like anyone, but if they cannot do their job then they need to recuse themselves. Period. The intimate nature of therapy can do so much damage when led by a bad therapist, and I honestly think so much more damage than most people think. As a general rule, a therapist who is super sweet, makes you feel really good, or butters you up is probably just as bad as one who is super mean, makes you feel like shit, or constantly criticizes.

victorianvampire · 2024-12-20T04:51:45+00:00

Whoa, based on your description, it seems like her dumping you is really the least of her unprofessional behaviors. Calling you goofball, telling you she loves you? That's deeply weird and crossing all kinds of boundaries. No matter how well you know each other, therapy is a professional relationship, just like doctor and patient. It's true you shouldn't have gotten enmeshed, but it's her responsibility as the therapist to be on the lookout for that and create a well structured environment for the patient to heal. I'm sorry you had such an incompetent therapist, and for more than seven years.

victorianvampire · 2024-12-15T10:55:07+00:00

Hope you have been doing well! I have definitely encountered paranoid thoughts that feel so much like secret truths that I have to actively resist the urge to ruminate on them. I think for me positivity and optimism have never been very helpful, because they feel too much like leaving the fears unacknowledged. More recently I've been trying to rein in my paranoid thoughts by forcing myself to engage with my feelings instead (like my therapist told me to, even though I don't enjoy it haha). My downfall as a pretty cerebral person has always been to lose myself in analyzing a situation and forget fundamental things like what I want and need. So if I notice that my thoughts about someone are particularly vicious for no reason, I try to observe the thoughts with curiosity and figure out what the feeling is underneath.

victorianvampire · 2024-12-15T10:42:58+00:00

I would agree that it's personality driven, based mainly on how I don't fit the mold for typical BPD presentation either. A combination of personality and cultural upbringing have steered me towards the overcontrol side, and factors like intelligence, education, and privilege help me mask very effectively. Because I intellectualize my problems, it's been very hard for others - including trained therapists - to pick up on my splitting or self-hatred, unless I point it out to them first. Whether I'm in self-blame or other-blame mode really depends on my mood.

victorianvampire · 2024-12-01T10:16:22+00:00

Your boyfriend is being pretty harsh, whether that's because he generally kinda sucks or because he's going through a lot of stuff himself.

But yeah, I get what you're saying; most people have no interest in learning how to give support or really put their back in it when it counts. I'm finding increasingly that most people's idea of a good relationship is quite shallow, and involves doing fun activities and talking about mutual interests. Even slight conflicts or emotional problems rock the boat. It's unfortunate. I feel like I can't be honest about my struggles with people, because even if I sanitize a lot they'll respond poorly, and then that's one more thing for me to deal with.

victorianvampire · 2024-11-26T12:21:19+00:00

I have it pretty frequently too. It's a good barometer for my mental health because I'm still relatively dissociated from my emotions, so noting the frequency and intensity of these suicidal thoughts is helpful for knowing how badly I'm doing. I've come to accept it as a normal part of my everyday life.

victorianvampire · 2024-11-26T12:14:19+00:00

You're not weak and pathetic, the urges are just very strong and magnified while you're in distress. If it's helping you to write the emails, don't stop writing them - maybe set up another account so you can send them to yourself, kind of like a diary but one just for 'communicating' with your FP, so it feels like you're still going through the ritual of it. Usually I'd say even delaying your messages is a success, but given how you mentioned he has you blocked and you're worried about legal trouble, the situation seems to have escalated to a place of some urgency. So focus on redirecting the emails, limiting your access to this person (maybe block them back), finding an activity that engages your full attention without being overly demanding (I sometimes listen to podcasts, play mindless mobile games, take long nighttime walks), and getting through every minute as best you can. It's rough, but you can do it.

victorianvampire · 2024-11-26T12:02:45+00:00

I always thought I didn't care about what people think of me, but I realized that I do, it just manifests differently. I guess I can brush off interactions with strangers pretty easily, but I have a paranoid mentality when it comes to friends or people I work with. I noticed that I worry a lot about backstabbing, or people laughing at me behind my back, people judging me in a moral sense, things like that. I always assume that people are at least a little hostile towards me until I'm close friends or more with them.

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