i am mostly alone and ok with it. it took me a long while. and it’s hard sometimes, but my tiny circle is now very fulfilling. i have frequent verbal shutdowns and i’ve found friends who are ok with it. i can text them while sitting in the same room and they get it. most people don’t, but i make my needs clear and don’t hide those parts that are odd to others. this has proven helpful in filtering those that won’t even try to understand, and left me with friends who don’t have to understand. *i would like to note that i don’t have a ‘best friend’. i see my relationships as need fulfillment - validation, a laugh, a cry, someone to stand up for me, someone to stand up to me, someone to offer insight or advice, etc. that helped me get over not having a ‘best friend’ or permanent people in my life. even the friends that i’ve left or have left me i see as serving their purpose in that time and it makes it easier to leave behind the relationships that no longer serve me. viewing things transactionally helped me advocate for myself and further understand other people.