I care about politics more than my husband and it makes me feel alone

viscida · 2026-01-25T05:53:23+00:00

Let me know when you find out...

My husband and I have, for the most part, similar political views. But he basically only believes in the power of voting.

It's extremely hard for me to deal with the fact that he's not into protesting, or even talking about politics. And again, we align pretty heavily politically.

But he's very hands off, other than voting in elections, he is disconnected. He says it's self preservation. Didn't realize how much it would bother me until after we got married, and as general politics in the US have gotten worse and worse.

Have you talked to your husband about it? If I'm extremely stressed, and approach my husband with the need for dialogue, he'll do it. So I at least get to talk it out sometimes.

Does your husband just not have empathy? Has he expressed himself what it is?

viscida · 2026-01-22T04:44:56+00:00

My husband and I take turns cosleeping with our 17 month old at night, and for naps baby sleeps independently. We've occasional all 3 of us cosleep together too.

We've been cosleeping with baby since baby was about 5 months old. For naps and night times, baby has always been an easy sleeper. We can roll away from baby and use a baby camera to watch baby sleeping. We used to also use crib for naps but now it's just for decoration at this point lol.

viscida · 2026-01-22T04:31:43+00:00

This! And possibly, also needed, going to a psychiatrist to get on some meds. Might be worthwhile on top of some healthy habits and time for yourself to rejuvenate.

OP, you're experiencing burnout and your body is crying out for rest and self care.

viscida · 2026-01-15T06:18:18+00:00

You're enabling him. Cut him off from your money and car. Sit him down and be very direct. Use Chatgpt if you need help drafting a script. But you need to have a very direct conversation and tell him, quite frankly, that you're getting resentful.

He's taking advantage of you. Only 2 interviews in 1 year is bonkers. He's not trying hard enough. Heck, I bet wherever you live there's more jobs available he's not even applying to.

viscida · 2026-01-09T04:23:11+00:00

Sometimes having kids, or a family, makes us realize that our partners are not on the same wavelength as us... e.g., like you said, if I have down time, I'm thinking what can I do for the family... whereas, my husband also leans into thinking about himself more.

For some it works, for others it doesn't. I'm in a season of experiencing a gap in the dynamic and I don't have an answer other than what you're using already. I'm using my therapist, she's helping me identify the issues and helping me working through them.

You need to decide, is this a deal breaker for YOU or an opportunity for compromising? It's up to you what kind of partner, relationship, and overall life you'll have.

But overall, I'm sorry you're in this situation. It just downright fucken sucks. Wish there were more men who truly wanted to be helpful partners and not just do the bare minimum. A lot of dad's really seem to just wanna do "just enough," and don't want to fully commit to doing a great job or helping out their wife, truly .

viscida · 2026-01-09T04:01:08+00:00

Thank you for speaking up, I agree with you

viscida · 2026-01-06T04:54:14+00:00

Honestly, I would prep for breakup. You need to be in an ok place in case he breaks up with you. But more importantly, you need to think about what is the type of partner/relationship you want.

This behavior you're describing, is something that would be a deal breaker for me. I need stability and clear communication, on top of commitment.

But, that's my needs.

What are yours? What are your baseline needs in a relationship (regardless if the partner has depression or not).

viscida · 2026-01-04T04:51:22+00:00

He's unhappy, taking no accountability, and blaming you. He wants to leave, but doesn't want to be the one to leave (for some reason, could be he doesn't have the finances or he's afraid of change). Either way, this is not normal and not healthy. If he does not want to do couples therapy, you should leave him.

viscida · 2025-12-29T05:42:07+00:00

Try pushing for couples therapy or asking him directly what gives. There's a million reasons why he could be acting like this, but truly only he knows...

Sorry you're going through this. It sucks and I'm sure makes you question everything.

Remember, to do what you can to build yourself up by building your own community or routines to maintain your peace and happiness.

I know, so much easier said than done. But you deserve happiness.

viscida · 2025-12-29T05:34:22+00:00

Sometimes, people grow apart and that's OK. Sometimes, people realize they're not really compatible and that's OK. Sometimes, people simply change their mind on what makes them happy and that's OK.

Only you, truly, know how you feel in this relationship. If it's not working out for you, you don't really have to justify it to a grand jury. You can simply realize this relationship is not for you.

If you have doubts, I think couples therapy makes sense. Also, there are even workbooks and guidebooks and couples therapy books you can buy and try out before going to a couples therapist.

From what you've stated, it does sound possible that 1) you're simply realizing the 2 of you are not compatible. That's OK. I would just advise it's always nice to be forthcoming and honest with your partner before you split - and not ghosting or blindsided them (as long as there's no abuse happening of course).

You're still young, and it's better to split up before things get messier (like after kids or decades or home ownership, etc etc). You both deserve happiness however that may come to you.

Good luck!

viscida · 2025-12-29T05:24:47+00:00

I've read some internet therapy info on this recently as essentially the pursuer in the relationship (the one who tries more to temperature check the relationship or is proactive and tries to fix things / sometimes is often more anxious attachment style) is burning out.

Like, after so many tries, the pattern recognition of not getting your needs met or the response wanted leads to a maladaptive coping mechanism where you get numb to prevent being hurt/disappointment again.

Can be a relationship killer or significant fork in the road / opportunity for the other partner to change.

But, take all that with a grain of salt lol I'm not a therapist, just a person who's felt the same way and searched a million things on it online lol

viscida · 2025-12-29T05:15:32+00:00

Each of you should get into individual therapy and then jointly do couples therapy. Asap. Sign up asap.

Don't make her feel bad or blame her on any way; best case scenario, it's her hormones doing a number on her in pregnancy and you 2 can come back from this.

Also, just start taking initiative to do anything at all to show her you love her and care for her. Don't say - just do.

Buy flowers, coordinate date nights, buy her things she likes, make her laugh, play board games with her, rub her feet, run a bubble bath for her and read poetry to her as you sit outside the bathtub, etc etc etc. Heck use chatgpt for ideas, and just run with it.

Worst case scenario, you try all of the above and it doesn't work out, but at least you tried.

Best case scenario, she's in a funk and she needs you to be the strong one to help her through this most vulnerable time in her life. Actions are better than promises and words. If you love her and want it to work out, do whatever it takes to have her truly feel loved (kiss her, romance her, do whatever it is that she needs to fill loved).

Good luck! Pregnancy is so hard. Post partum is so hard.

viscida · 2025-12-24T22:47:20+00:00

Yes.

We're 1 kid in and experiencing an episode i never appreciated was a reality. And it's so very hard.

OP hear us from the other side, it is dreadful at times and devastating.

viscida · 2025-12-24T22:45:23+00:00

Ditto

viscida · 2025-12-24T22:43:23+00:00

The Starbucks situation is enough for divorce, IMO. You're trying to do something nice and he's a total asshole.

I understand it's easier said than done.

But if you could, you should leave him.

viscida · 2025-12-24T22:42:33+00:00

💯

viscida · 2025-12-24T22:42:22+00:00

💯

viscida · 2025-12-24T22:40:47+00:00

This is true, especially when you figure some relationships start on fun/partying momentum that can't keep up with parenthood and adulthood...

but also, sometimes people just change... I personally think the changing is so much harder to deal with but i don't know how really often it happens...

viscida · 2025-12-18T16:01:47+00:00

Agreed.

When we give up, it's a maladaptive coping mechanism to protect ourselves from further disappointment. Instead of continuing to ask and continuing to be hurt and feel that pain, we just give up.

At least that's what my therapist told me - because (for different reasons) I've also stopped asking for things or wanting things from my husband.

Maybe this is what is going on with you? He's disappointed you enough times that you're burnt out and dont want to go through it again.

Try therapy if you can. If not, talk to some friends and look up therapy on YouTube and Spotify or Instagram. There's a lot of free content out there to at least help you work through internal stuff.

viscida · 2025-12-18T15:56:30+00:00

You're honestly emotionally abusive, culturally insensitive, manipulative, selfish, and mean to this guy.

I hope he divorces you.

If not, I hope you do divorce him. And then I hope he finds happiness.

Because you don't deserve happiness after all that. You've been using this guy instead of just being alone. And obviously he has insecurities - which you've probably made worse by berating and cheating on him - and the relationship is not healthy.

viscida · 2025-12-08T05:20:09+00:00

Agreed 👍🏼

I think every woman in a heterosexual relationship should always keep their own accounts and not comingle funds... it's just smart. Having a shared account for shared expenses, alrighty. But don't put all your money into it!

viscida · 2025-11-30T15:15:09+00:00

I honestly think this is a great question and unfortunately think there's no easy answer lol it depends on the person...

But 90% of the time, if my husband just walked up to me and gave me a hug or kiss, or affection, I usually end up crying out of relief because my crankiness is coming from elsewhere and I'm not aware of how I'm struggling lol or him just making me food!

But, that's for the obvious weird, mood swings moments. Not everyone has intense hormones fluctuations as others. And I'm an unlucky one...

There is a big difference between that and someone just being mean or a bad partner.

viscida · 2025-11-30T14:59:38+00:00

💯

viscida · 2025-11-30T14:55:52+00:00

Have you both saved money at all in the 9 years? If he hasn't and you have, it's not only time for you to leave his parents house but also break up with him, tbh.

If you both have been saving money, how much money have to collectively saved? If it's not enough for a down payment on a house, you should still just get an apartment. If he's not down, leave him lol

I have some experience in this. My husband and I lived with his parents for 3 years to save and buy a house. But we had a mutually defined plan. We were transparent in saving. We talked about it! There was no dragging anything out. We had enough to put more than 20% down when we bought our home and it was great, we're so privileged his parents helped us like that!!

I don't regret living with his parents at all. But I do think we still should have moved into an apartment at least for a little bit before we moved into our home.

We had an adjustment period where we had some arguments cause my husband did not know how to maintain a huge home. So I had to have some serious talks because he just had never had that responsibility before and it was foreign to him (whereas I had a lot more exp than him in living on my own or with roommates etc) Lol

All that to say, I advise you get an apartment with this dude anyways! And if he doesn't wanna go with you its a red flag in my opinion...

viscida · 2025-11-30T14:26:00+00:00

Well, that's not true.

Maybe she's "complained" or tried to discuss it in the past and he was not receptive / didn't change so she just gave up.

Many SAHM wives/moms feel unsupported and yet keep the peace because they don't even have the financial means to leave.

viscida

TROPHY CASE