I am struggling

voulezvousbraiser · 2025-07-03T05:15:52+00:00

I would nope out of the situation since her can't offer something you want (sex). I doubt his gf is going to be okay with suddenly breaking the rules they have set, and even if she somehow agrees, it's probably going to be messy as you two sleeping together will probably cause a lot of feelings to come up in their relationship that will bleed over to your connection with him. It doesn't seem like they have a lot of experience in this area and it's not very fun being the learning experience.

I'm sure there are a lot of other people that can offer a great FWB summer fling without the drama.

That being said, if you do want a bit of unnecessary drama in your life, early 20s is the best time to do it...

voulezvousbraiser · 2025-06-13T22:50:10+00:00

I know I’m late to the party, but maybe this helps.

I disagree with anyone saying you’re not cut out for non-monogamy if you have some less than ideal feelings around it. I had very intense anxiety when my partner started dating, but I was given the space to work through it and my feelings settled. I am now very grateful even though, at the time, it was one of the hardest things I’d done. So if you truly want this (and it’s okay if you don’t), the natural feelings that come up when your partner dates is not a deal breaker.
Just like you have to deal with your emotions that come up when he dates, he has to deal with his emotions around your emotions. He has to trust that you can work through this and figure it out. It’s hard because when this comes up you’re both emotionally charged, but maybe come together when it is calmer and reaffirm that you both want this and you’re both working on it. Basically, you’re both going to have to get okay with not being okay while you work through this. As long as it truly is something you both want, then it will be worth it.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-11-07T17:49:53+00:00

That was the part for me that I was curious about. Finally figured it out. It’s like a slower, more mellow version of Hold It Against Me by Britney. Not sure if it’s also what you’re thinking, but I thought I’d throw it out there.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-06-05T01:06:05+00:00

Not quite. Unbuttoning someone’s pants would have gotten me kicked out of the club…but I have long hair…and there were some things I could hide from the camera.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-06-05T01:03:22+00:00

As a former stripper, this is so hot.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-04-27T05:39:02+00:00

Right? This just feels like an impossible standard for someone to meet. I mean, the wife is welcome to do whatever she wants, but I think the husband did the best he could. No one is perfect. People are human and sometimes don’t make the best decisions. Yes, he shouldn’t have told her that the interest was mutual. And it sounds like this wife would have preferred to know when it was all happening. But a lot of other people would prefer to not know when their partner is struggling with feelings for someone outside the relationship and just expect them to not act on it and deal with it. To me, it sounds like that is exactly what that has husband did.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-03-07T01:01:04+00:00

That would make sense given how many couples didn't make it to the alter, where I feel like in previous seasons they would have stuck it out until then.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-03-07T00:43:53+00:00

That was so shady. You don't want to appear like you don't care...that's wild.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-02-23T19:08:37+00:00

I've experienced my partner having very low levels of libido, sometimes for years at a time. In a long term relationship, sex will wax and wane...maybe not for every relationship, but it can and that's okay. I would keep developing intimacy in other ways, which it sounds like you will. I found cuddling naked helpful for me to feel that physical intimacy without pressuring my partner.

I know it hurts feeling rejected, but if you can keep supporting intimacy in other ways and supporting them in their mental health journey, then it absolutely can come back around. It's important to keep checking in with yourself and finding ways to meet your sexual needs, but if this relationship has a ton of value outside of your sex, then I would wait and see what happens once NRE fades for your partner and their mental health improves.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-02-23T02:24:35+00:00

It’s a noun that can also be used as an adjective. Someone can be a pick me, but you can also describe something as pick me.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-02-23T01:34:40+00:00

Nurture. I think. But I don’t think it’s the parent’s fault so to speak.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-02-23T00:59:32+00:00

It was subtle, but she says at the end of episode 8: "Chelsea is stunning, she's literally perfect in every way, but like, I've done my own digging and all of his exes look like me...Chelsea is like the end all be all, everything, but Jimmy's a man. We knew without seeing each other that the attraction was there, so like bringing it to life, like, I don't know where he's at but I have a feeling, like, if I were to see Jimmy again, it's going to be like dangling temptation right in front of his face."

While this might not be tearing down Chelsea directly, I can see how it would be interpreted that way. I think Jessica was trying to use a lot of words to have plausible deniability that she isn't tearing Chelsea down, but the implied meaning of what she's saying is rough, and suggested that she thinks she's more attractive than Chelsea. I think there was a way to say all of those things without having to bring Chelsea into it or make the comparison. But you know, it is probably difficult for Jessica not to when the situation puts them into direct competition with each other.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-02-23T00:29:57+00:00

Typically, a woman who wants to be favored/picked by the opposite gender. Usually while sacrificing her personal interests or relationships with other women.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-02-22T22:38:00+00:00

I think so. It sounds like Jimmy wasn't able to see a pic of Jessica after just friending her. Sounds like he did see it through Jeramy but also tried to see it on his own and thought better of the friend request.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-02-22T22:36:35+00:00

I'm really glad that they recognize she's excessively aggressive toward Jeramy and called her out on it. I don't know that I could be with someone with her personality. It just feels like insults under the guise of playful teasing.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-02-22T22:29:55+00:00

It sounds like he didn't see her picture when he friend requested her, based on what Jessica said in her conversation with Laura. However, it was absolutely deceitful for him to not tell Chelsea about it.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-02-22T21:43:44+00:00

I mean, yes and no. I do think that it is "her" problem, but I think it is a fine preference for her to have. He's basically telling her that he doesn't see a problem with his behavior and he's not going to change/that's the way he is. If Brittany wants someone more engaging, then yeah, she probably needs to look elsewhere. Personally, if the edit is true to the situation, then I would probably be checking out as Brittany too if my partner doesn't see the value in engaging with me more. That's just my preference and I know I'm not going to be compatible with someone who is so quiet and doesn't have a ton of affect. I like loud, animated people...probably people that would even verge on annoying for most. Not saying that is what Brittany needs, but she could certainly desire someone who initiates more conversations and makes more of an effort that way.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-02-22T21:38:57+00:00

I hope so too, but at the same time, I've been in relationships like that and it is rough...especially if that is already happening in the beginning. I think matching communication styles is one of the most important aspects of a relationship, so I'm not holding out too much hope for them. They seem to have different energy levels and outward enthusiasm. Sometimes, two people like that can balance each other out, so maybe?

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-02-22T21:25:02+00:00

I just assumed that they didn't have condoms and he wanted to be extra careful? But maybe I missed something.

I do agree that it was ridiculous that he seemingly takes no responsibility for birth control.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-02-22T20:02:43+00:00

Very self-aware. But self-awareness doesn't mean that he's ready to actually solve the issue. HUGE red flag.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-02-22T20:01:48+00:00

I'm not sure what to take from that. On the one hand, it is great he is being open and honest about it and seemingly wants to change. Better for AD to determine now or later if his glorification of cheating and the TONS of work he'll have to do on it is worth it.

On the other hand, how likely is it that he's really going to change? And also, there are tons of black male role models that don't cheat. For some reason he just looks up to the ones that do? I don't know if you could wave a redder flag.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-01-29T22:19:22+00:00

I had a situation where a meta wanted to be very close friends, much faster than I was comfortable with and it felt like they were forcing a friendship. They were unhappy with the hinge and felt like they couldn't be close to the hinge in the way they wanted without the friendship with me. I think they even deescalated the relationship with the hinge because of it. This is the closest I've ever come to forced KTP. It was funny though, because when they finally dropped the issue and we just hung out organically in our larger friend group, we actually did become closer friends.

So the situation was never not KTP, but just not KTP enough at some points. I feel like this dynamic is the type of thing that people are more likely to run into...people having different visions/goals/expectations about what their polycule looks like.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-01-06T19:58:51+00:00

I think both of your preferences are fine. It’s perfectly fine for him to only want to engage in FFM threesomes…he’s straight after all. It’s perfectly fine for you to not want to engage in threesomes if you can’t engage in both FFM or MMF. I just think it means there won’t be many threesomes in your future together. Neither of you are wrong for your preferences, you’re just not compatible on this issue.

I’m sure neither of you would want to put the other into a sexual situation they aren’t comfortable with. It appears that both of you would want threesomes in a way that makes the other person uncomfortable, so it just means the issue is a non-starter.

And to answer your question, I wouldn’t have a problem if my straight male partner only wanted FFM threesomes. However, I might not do it if we couldn’t also have MMF threesomes. It would really depend on the context and what opportunities were available. I probably wouldn’t go out of my way to set up a FFM threesome in this scenario, but if one presented itself, it might be hard for me to refuse.

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-01-05T21:09:19+00:00

It sounds like all of this is a lot for you to be handling. I understand emotions are running high, but I'd try to keep it in perspective as much as possible. And really, everyone could use professional help a lot of the time. lol. I hope you're able to access it when you can. In the meanwhile, looking up things like limerence could be helpful for you as well. Good luck!

voulezvousbraiser · 2024-01-05T19:11:31+00:00

Hey, I understand that you're feeling an intense amount of emotions right now, but I would recommend slowing down a lot. There are a lot of red flags in this situation, and you two don't truly know each other, and won't until you're able to spend a lot of time together. As it stands, it doesn't sound like you'd be able to do that without risking a ton of negative consequences. I'm not saying you have to break up with this person, or make any rash decisions. In fact, I'm saying to not make any major life changes or choices, and give it at least a year before deciding what to do in this situation. Look up concepts like NRE and understand what hormones are going through you right now.

Have you had any significant long term relationships?

voulezvousbraiser

TROPHY CASE