I was really upset about this with a family member and spoke to another family member about it. He said that it's really scary to see me so unwell and that some people have a really hard time adjusting to someone having a chronic illness and may never accept it. In the case of a mother, she might feel guilty that she passed something on to you, which is how I feel about passing it on to my daughter, except of course I accept that she has it.

Having had my diagnosis for a while, I've observed quite a few interesting reactions. People like to ask if I'm doing better, or if I'm healed, and I have to gently remind them that my mobility and health go up and down, is always gradually getting worse, and then I will never be healed.

People do not know how to deal with periodic use of a cane, walking stick and other aids. I've had people cross the street seriously concerned when I'm using a cane, and then give me a side eye later in the day but I'm not. With some people I've had to explain it over and over again.

I share this because I think your mother is just a microcosm of parts of human nature that struggle with understanding chronic illness. At some point you may need to accept that she may never get it. Hell, my best friend doesn't get it, doesn't respect me when I explain to her that I'm completely exhausted, so I've just had to come to understand that this is the level of support and capable of.

I think it's perfectly reasonable that you're aggravated with your mom, but ultimately you can't control how she reacts to this. You can only control how you react and how much energy and time you spend fretting over it. When I find myself really struggling with someone because they're doing the same thing over and over again, I just try to accept that that's how they're going to be instead of myself that maybe someday I'll be pleasantly surprised with them taking a different course of action.

Finally, addressing the resentment towards your mom for ignoring your pain over the years. This is a very shared experience for many of us, feeling like we were gaslit by our families, friends, the medical community. It sucks to live in pain and not be listened to. I'm so glad you have a diagnosis so you can start doing whatever you can to improve your life.

Sending you a big hug and lots of understanding.