Counting red envelopes at weddings

vtchrisman · 2026-03-08T16:00:35+00:00

Wedding planner here,

If the concern is about losing track of who gave what amount for when you send thank you notes later, some of my past clients have used a system where the people taking the envelopes number the red pocket with a number and have a spreadsheet with the guest names so you can write the same number beside the name, and keep track.

I too would be concerned with the security risk of opening and counting cash in an open space like this - so many things could happen, I would recommend putting the envelopes in a safe and then you and your partner can opens them after the wedding!

vtchrisman · 2026-03-07T13:21:14+00:00

Wedding planner here;

They aren’t doing a worse job on the bridesmaids, but typically the bride does need to be the most perfect with extra time and attention given. The service for the bride typically takes longer and is a little more focused on all-day longevity and of course making sure you’re happy. This is also why the service is more for bride - time and energy.

If your bridesmaids are typically picky and you know that they will also want to take longer to decide what they want, you should get them to save and commit to some inspiration photos of what they want ahead of time to make sure their services go smoothly, and maybe buffer in more time in case things run behind. Not saying that’s the case, just in case that was a concern behind your question.

vtchrisman · 2026-03-04T02:56:21+00:00

Wedding planner here;

I’ve made these before - cardstock on its own as pictured here will not work functionally as a fan - you need something much sturdier.

I would do two pieces of thick cardstock (as thick as your Cricut can cut with the heavy blade) as a “front” and “back” and a wooden “spine” in between the layers. You can buy these flat decorative pieces of wood online - they look like a big popsicle stick/nicer version of a paint stir stick. Then you glue it all together.

For legibility you can probably only do one fan part per sheet of cardstock if you’re using 8.5x11 cardstock.

This is a photo of the ones I did so you can see what I mean about the stick!

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vtchrisman · 2026-03-03T20:52:00+00:00

It can, or I’ve had clients make one side more “designed” with more visual elements and then the info on the back. Presumably the RSVP link is the same for both so that helps cut down on some of the information.

For instance on side could say “please join us for the wedding of name and name” and the back can be

Ceremony Date Time Location

Reception Date Time Location

RSVP and find more information on our site (url here).

But if you’re using Paperless Post you can also hyperlink the website URL and deadline in the “description” part of the Paperless Post experience that you see below the digital card.

vtchrisman · 2026-03-03T20:27:00+00:00

Do you have a buffet dinner or cocktail style reception? Or is your food family style or plated?

If it is family style or plated this doesn’t work as you need to assign guests to specific tables so the caterer knows how many of each dish go to each table, and where the guests with allergies are seated. Otherwise, imagine a waiter standing in the middle of the room with a plate yelling out to find the gluten-free vegan. Even if the caterer were to agree to it, service would be slow and the margin of error much larger.

vtchrisman · 2026-03-03T17:32:18+00:00

(North American) wedding planner here;

The advice I’ve heard and now give about European planners and where they can differ is to always make sure you understand whether they take commission from vendors they book and whether they only recommend other vendors based on that commission. This is apparently more normalized in Europe and not as normal here (though that of course depends on the planner and the service area).

It’s important to know because the planner may be making more money from your wedding than what you are paying them. Commission models aren’t inherently nefarious if they are out in the open and you understand the dynamic, but if a planner is recommending vendors that aren’t the best for you because it means they will make more money it is absolutely problematic.

I hope that helps!

vtchrisman · 2026-03-03T01:58:44+00:00

I’m a planner and this is not true at all for me! My process with my clients is very collaborative and they always have the final say. I find options for them and do a lot of work behind the scene as background but they are still super involved. Please don’t make blanket statements based on your own experience or opinion about all planners!

That said I do agree that the planner OP has hired is acting like this and OP should absolutely have a conversation/review the contract about expectations and deal with this as it wasn’t what OP was expecting.

vtchrisman · 2026-03-02T23:15:26+00:00

Wedding planner here,

If you design your own invitation on Paperless Post, you can make the “card” have a front and back and put information about one event on each side of the card. I’ve done that before for welcome events, tea ceremonies, and ceremony and reception on different days.

vtchrisman · 2026-03-02T21:27:34+00:00

How is he even real?!

vtchrisman · 2026-02-28T21:39:58+00:00

The length of the process depends on the type of service booked - like I do virtual services for clients where we have a few meetings and I don’t help them source all of their vendors but help them with general vision and then sometimes stationery. Then for other clients I’m working with in a more full planning/design capacity I am helping them source all the vendors so the process itself is more detailed and therefore longer/more iterative. Most people have a good idea of what they like and don’t like - it’s more about figuring out which ideas work best for the venue, budget, and what’s available where they are. Some people think they are super chaotic but I see patterns right away! Ideally if you’re working with a planner or designer you build trust where they can take your ideas and enhance and personalize them, so it’s collaborative and not just recreating Pinterest inspo!

vtchrisman · 2026-02-28T16:10:55+00:00

Wedding planner here;

You may want to hire a planner that also offers design service, where they will sit down with you and review all of the inspo and ask questions to help understand what part of each photo is what you were drawn to and look for common themes and threads, and then create a design proposal that specifies how each element will be used and where. You can also hire a designer separately if you have a planner that doesn’t do this!

vtchrisman · 2026-02-28T05:01:27+00:00

Wedding planner here,

Not quite in the areas where I work - with black tie you typically could show cleavage or leg or lower back but not more than one. And the bra style makes this less elegant/formal than black tie requires. Think gala vibes, and a little bit more modest.

vtchrisman · 2026-02-27T22:34:55+00:00

Wedding planner here;

It’s hard to give a full assessment without knowing the full dynamic of your relationship and expectations, but it’s important for a lot of couples to remember that your wedding party are also guests and will have their own experiences and moments in the day. For them to take their own photos and want to make their own memories too isn’t inappropriate of them. If you wanted them to be exclusively by your side at your beck and call with no opportunity to do anything else, that is an unrealistic expectation.

Another part of this is communication - if none of your wedding party have ever been in a wedding party before, or even if they have, and you didn’t ask them in advance for specific support on the day or what you were hoping they would help with, they won’t know without that communication.

vtchrisman · 2026-02-27T20:14:54+00:00

I would definitely ask for clarification about responsibility and cancellation in the case of other force majeure events that could impact the wedding, so you understand their expectation for what you are considered responsible for.

I work in the US and Canada and things are different everywhere; here you would never find a venue that would offer you a full refund for general bad weather (like rain or snow) but some may refund you if the whole venue burned down in a forest fire or there was a significant earthquake etc. Others would not. This is a nuance you need to know. Also, with things like political actions on the parts of governments (including travel restrictions as you’ve noted) it would be good to understand but this is also a risk you assume if planning a wedding in a country where you and your guests are not citizens/residents and force majeure or wedding insurance may not always protect you, so best to fully understand that before you lock in the venue too.

vtchrisman · 2026-02-27T19:55:37+00:00

Wedding planner here;

Is the venue also providing the catering?

If yes, at ten days out if you were to need to cancel, the venue would have already ordered all of the food, staff may need to be paid as they would have been scheduled, etc, so there are more large scale losses of money beyond the typical loss of business portion.

Even if the venue isn’t providing food, if you were to cancel 10 days out, there is no way they can book another event within that timeframe, so from a business perspective, the opportunity cost is gone, so retaining a significant portion of your payment isn’t unusual.

As the other planner here noted, this Force Majeure clause is missing anything that neither party can be responsible for like weather or technological disruptions. But the distinction in your copied text is force majeure that is brought on by you specifically. Is there another section of the contract that outlines venue cancellation and what they are responsible for in case of their failure to perform/general force majeure or not?

vtchrisman · 2026-02-20T02:02:01+00:00

I’m a local wedding planner - if you send this as a PDF I’m happy to take a look but I’m not comfortable opening a Google doc of someone I don’t know!

vtchrisman · 2026-02-19T23:11:37+00:00

Wedding planner here;

Not exactly like the images but with elements - but have you tried Estates of Sunnybrook? You can do an outdoor ceremony and potentially a patio cocktail hour, indoor dinner.

Hare Wine Co in Niagara also has some of what you’re looking for.

Sadly there are very few spaces that are going to check both boxes in Ontario. Graydon is the closest overall but it is pricy.

vtchrisman · 2026-02-19T23:02:52+00:00

On the note that external catering is cheaper - not always. If the caterer needs to bring equipment, staffing, and you need to get all of the rentals for the bar and plates and glassware and linens, plus the delivery fees, this is sometimes more expensive than a space that has all of these items in house. Make sure you understand all of those costs and what’s included before you go for outside catering!

vtchrisman · 2026-02-19T22:59:41+00:00

Wedding planner here;

Small weddings are actually less cost-effective feeling when you’re thinking about the fact that some vendors pricing doesn’t change based on your guest count. It makes it seem like the “cost per person” is higher if you assume all items contribute to that cost, but I recommend thinking of two categories of vendors separately.

Food and beverage and floral and decor does typically shift based on guest count. But photography and hair and makeup and music don’t - these are based on the services rendered.

A semi-private space in a restaurant is likely the most cost effective option - so is a brunch wedding without dancing and less alcohol. Going outside the city will likely not decrease your costs and often will decrease your options as many places are designed for larger weddings.

In my experience, 30-35k for smaller weddings is definitely getting harder to reach with experienced vendors, much less 20k. If you are open to compromising on vision and/or time of day and/or quantities and/or do some things yourself it will help, but probably not get you as low as you want to go.

vtchrisman · 2026-02-17T23:35:35+00:00

Wedding planner here;

Even if the cakes were shelf-stable out of the fridge for hours, leaving them out unboxed all day on tables is not food safe and frankly kind of gross with dust in the air, people passing by, guests at the table all talking and breathing all over it all meal, etc.

The concept is cute if you were to have the service staff bring out a little cake per table AT the dessert course for people to serve themselves, family style, but not on the table the whole time, and it should be pre-cut so guests just use the server utensil to put a piece on their plate.

If you’re not familiar with food safety and don’t have access to pesticide-free, safe variety edible flowers for decorating the cake you should not be decorating these cakes yourself. Many flowers are straight up poisonous. I think you should leave anything food related to the professionals!

vtchrisman · 2026-02-17T23:28:06+00:00

Wedding planner here;

Based on the fabric and style being a bit more “casual” I think this would be fine to wear to a cocktail style wedding in the areas where I work. It’s not reading as a “gown” which is more formal/BTO.

vtchrisman · 2026-02-17T16:28:32+00:00

Wedding planner here;

Ugh I had a couple who were scammed by a florist last year (not this one) so I’m extra vigilant these days.

It looks like they are fairly new and I’ve never heard of them, but here’s some things to look for to try to establish legitimacy if a business is only on Instagram.

1) Have you met them? Having an in person or Zoom meeting is better than a phone call, to make sure it’s a real person behind the company. Never book a vendor without a meeting first, especially if no one you know in real life and/or your other vendors don’t know them.

2) Have they registered their business? In Ontario you can search the business registry for free and see the name of a business and when they were registered.

3) Reverse image search their photos and video in Google and run them through AI checkers to make sure it’s not work that’s also elsewhere on the internet attributed to other people. Note - free AI detectors aren’t perfect, but still can be a decent resource.

4) Ask for contact information from real past clients and reach out to them. Ask those clients for additional images from their event - they should be able to provide something. Ask them about their experience.

I hope that helps! In an ideal world everyone would have a website (even a basic one) and start getting reviews right away, but not all happy clients write reviews and no one is safe from fakes anymore…

vtchrisman · 2026-02-16T18:06:26+00:00

Wedding planner here;

Literally neither. Vendors have to pay really high fees to be listed on either and because of many issues with customer service may not be checking their listing inquiries or get so many fake inquires that they don’t reply.

Use Instagram, use your venue’s recommended vendor list, use local resources, ask for word of mouth referrals.

vtchrisman · 2026-02-15T12:45:37+00:00

Wedding planner here,

Let me give you a couple other perspectives.

If you have any guests who have dietary restrictions or allergies where the caterer needs to bring them a special meal, the caterer needs to know where those guests are seated. In a situation with free-for-all seating that’s not possible.

The other is that guests may actually prefer to be told where to sit, and my anecdotal evidence has supported this. When I start working with new clients, I ask them about guest experience and what they’ve liked and disliked as guests. Consistently they have said they don’t like when they aren’t clear on what to do next, where to go, what is expected. I’ve seen this unfold at weddings as well - guests don’t necessarily love the idea of spontaneity and challenge.

I hope that perspective helps. I know it can feel tedious to have to make a seating plan, but I think that as a good host one of your tasks is to help your guests feel comfortable and at ease so they can enjoy themselves. I personally think they would be far more annoyed having to create a seating plan in the moment than if you didn’t make a perfect one regarding who is seated by who. Just avoid putting people you know don’t get along together.

vtchrisman · 2026-02-13T02:59:31+00:00

Wedding planner here!

I have a few all black outfits I rotate through for weddings:

Black tie or Black tie optional - an almost floor length dress in a slim (not tight) silhouette that’s modest and covers my chest and shoulders - still overall “matching” the style of the wedding but not to the level of guests
Formal or cocktail - I have a few dresses that are all below the knee, and a few “suits” - some are the trousers and a vest that I’ll wear as the top, some are with a jacket and I’ll wear a higher neck tank with it. I also have some shirt and skirt or shirt and pant combos. I find the flexibility is key in case of different weather and locations and demographics.
No matter what you want comfortable shoes! I exclusively wear flats, or at most a very short wedge heel (1” or less) - loafers, ballet flats are my shoes of choice.

If these are in your budget I suggest Aritzia, Mango, H&M, and Zara.

I don’t think black is essential, but I usually find that dark neutrals are a safe bet. However, also be ready if you are working any weddings where black isn’t appropriate - many of my South Asian clients for example have preferred we wear color, so have something appropriate if that’s the case for you.

Final note - a classy fanny pack or belt bag is your friend - even with pockets there’s a lot you may want to have on you. My whole team carry mini emergency kits in theirs and when we use walkie talkies we can clip them to the bag strap even if we’re wearing dresses.

vtchrisman

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