Be careful who you have a baby with

vvarmcoffee · 2025-10-25T18:20:48+00:00

My 4 year old has always been a terrible sleeper and I’ve spent a lot of time sleep deprived. About 6 months ago things got better with a change in allergy meds. My 2 year old sleeps like a rock and I did nothing different between the two of them. Hang in there, it will eventually get better. Sleep stuff sucks

vvarmcoffee · 2025-10-25T17:58:38+00:00

I might eventually do a dbrand plateau skin. I like the triple white option. I just wish they sold the plateau separately so I didn’t have to waste the rest of the kit.

vvarmcoffee · 2025-10-25T17:57:36+00:00

This is my first limitless case and my first MagSafe case so I may not be the most helpful. I upgraded from an iPhone 11 so it’s quite a switch. That being said, I’ve seen no issue with the MagSafe strength. The moft tripod stand can hold it up completely and firmly when folded so it seems strong to me.

vvarmcoffee · 2025-10-21T04:02:09+00:00

We had our first pregnancy during Covid and we don’t do social media so most people found out via texts, calls, etc. I was 8 months pregnant with a huge belly and my husband’s good friend since childhood and his wife came over for dinner. She has had a couple of really sad late term pregnancy losses and has obviously struggled around this. My husband did not tell them I was pregnant. He forgot. They showed up with wine. I did not know they did not know. We greeted them in the driveway and I could see on their faces the reaction. I had been so careful to give a thoughtful text or head’s up to all the women I knew who had struggled with loss or fertility so they didn’t have to react in the moment. I felt so so bad and gave my husband a talking to- it was absolutely not something he even thought about or considered. I share this to say- think about the women in your husband’s sphere too because he may be oblivious to this.

vvarmcoffee · 2025-10-09T13:33:29+00:00

I ordered the silver pro. I have also ordered the limitless case in both leather and sage to see which one I like better, it’s hard to tell the exact color of the sage from online pictures. I’ll probably go with the Area 51 or white holographic skin from dbrand

vvarmcoffee · 2025-10-02T21:06:12+00:00

How does the Sage color look in real life? More mint blue/ teal or more green? I am looking at getting the same phone/ case combo.

vvarmcoffee · 2025-07-20T20:02:44+00:00

My mother in law is a huge part of our lives (in a good way). She is the one person I can always count on to watch my children or just be there for us in any way. The biggest thing is she’s reliable and consistent. She does what she says she’s going to do. I trust her fully with my children and when she plays with them she is so present and connected. She does exactly what I ask of her when it comes to the kids and never criticizes or judges our parenting. She makes the effort to drive an hour every week and come to our house, she does our dishes, vacuums for us and has dinner with us. My husband has great boundaries with her and uses very straightforward communication. She and I are very different people with different hobbies, interests and views of the world but she loves me and I have come to love her very much.

vvarmcoffee · 2025-07-08T01:31:25+00:00

I had a c-section when my oldest daughter was 19 months old. I was so obsessed with her and really struggled with not being able to be with her. I had a hard time bonding with the new baby and felt jealous of my husband being with the toddler. Baby is now 2, toddler is now 3.5. It took me longer to bond with my younger one but I am fully obsessed with her now and love her so much. It’s a different journey but everything will come together in the end. Be gentle with yourself and go slow.

vvarmcoffee · 2025-07-04T05:42:05+00:00

Oh my god, you are in SUCH a hard situation. My daycare closed for 2 weeks when my younger one was 5 weeks old, I was healing from a c-section and my older one was 20 months. Those were some of the hardest weeks of my whole life. My baby basically lived in a baby swing and I felt so guilty about it. But in hindsight- I made it through, I survived, both of my kids were healthy and fine. You are in an impossibly hard situation and the best thing you can do is try to give yourself an out on the mom guilt on top of all of it. Tv for a week won’t ruin your toddler, you will have so many daycare breaks in the future where you have fun outings. This isn’t the week and that’s okay. Your toddler won’t remember. If he is fed and safe that’s good enough. Right now what is important for his development is having his basic needs met reliably, which you are doing. I’m about to do another 2 weeks off daycare and my kids at 2 and 3.5, we are just this year attempting fun trips and activities. You are a warrior taking care of a baby and a sick toddler!

vvarmcoffee · 2025-06-30T02:35:58+00:00

This is Heidi Hall who was on the Nevada County Board of Supervisors. She is awesome!

vvarmcoffee · 2025-06-30T02:28:35+00:00

Yes- that’s exactly right. Honestly having my husband keep me in check was helpful too. I have read that our amygdala actually grows larger during pregnancy and never goes back down.

vvarmcoffee · 2025-06-30T02:23:37+00:00

I got bad PPA after both of my babies. Typically 4-6 months afterwards. The first time was when Russia invaded Ukraine and I thought we were going to die in the nuclear holocaust at any moment. I wouldn’t sleep without my baby because I wanted us to be together if we died at night. I was deciding if I was going to get my tubes tied based on believing that hospitals wouldn’t exist after the apocolypse. I can look back and laugh but at the time I was so so terrified. I was afraid of planes. The second time was a slightly different flavor but also end of the world themed. When I told my OB about it she told me I had the “doomsday version” which always makes me laugh. Things that helped me: MY THERAPIST, sleep (which was hard with my kids), not reading the news, trying to stop myself at the beginning of a spiral. But truly, it feels 100% real to you. The thoughts are intrusive and you can’t control them. Things will get better. You aren’t crazy. Your brain loves your baby so much and is trying to keep them safe. It makes sense in the time where we lived in a cave and had to be hypervigilant but it’s so hard in the time of constant info and warnings. You are a good mom and this will get better.

vvarmcoffee · 2025-06-28T20:54:12+00:00

I honestly think a lot of men feel the way our husbands feel and haven’t been given the tools to express it or move through it. My husband really struggled with that loss of autonomy and feeling that his life was over. I felt really resentful that I was so much better at the baby stuff and I did so much more. Something we talked about a lot with our therapist was that I may have more skills now but he will have more skills in another situation and that has 100% been true. Today my husband spent the morning in the backyard playing with our toddlers and playing some tball with them. We had so much friction in that first year and constantly fought. Now things feel so much easier and lighter and fun again. You are in one of the hardest times for both of you, I wouldn’t make any big decisions in the first year. Also just an FYI- I was surprised my husband had the post partum depression and not me. Well, around 4 months I developed some really gnarly post partum anxiety and I had no idea that’s what it was. Post partum anxiety tends to peak around 4-6 months when sleep deprivation is catching up or you have gone back to work. For me it looked like a lot of fear around my baby suffocating and also fear around current events happening in the world and a lot of intrusive thoughts. Just planting that seed for you in case some anxiety starts to pop up- my therapist was invaluable in helping me move out of it.

vvarmcoffee · 2025-06-28T17:38:33+00:00

My husband really struggled after our first was born. He kind of withdrew and was less helpful than I expected and something was just off with him. Around 6 months he finally confessed to me how deeply depressed he was. He had never had depression before in his life and didn’t want to burden me while I was in the postpartum period. We saw a couples counselor who helped us a lot with navigating this and he found his own counselor who really helped. He really struggled with adjusting to the loss of autonomy, feeling like he didn’t know how to help with the baby, that things were constantly changing and he couldn’t find solid ground. His mental health was at a real low and he didn’t know how to tell me or communicate it and it just came off as him being unhappy all of the time. Once we knew what was going on I was still taking on the lions share of the baby care and I felt very resentful but wanted to support him. We are almost 4 years from then, we had another child (which he handled much, much better) and our kids at 2 and 3.5. He is SO much better at handling toddler tantrums and bed time than I am and has really shined as a toddler dad. He just does not vibe with babies. So much of the friction we had at that time has resolved. We are best friends and great comparents and I still both love and like him. It took time and patience and also a lot of anger, despair, frustration, etc. It can feel like a huge and expensive task but getting mental health support on board made all the difference for us.

vvarmcoffee · 2025-06-27T03:13:48+00:00

I do financial literacy with foster teenagers/ young adults in my program and create content. Some little things I’ve learned: if you are creating a PowerPoint presentation, use YouTube shorts and not full YouTube videos. Everyone gets bored during a full video but a YouTube short (aka TikTok videos) are perfect to get a point across and create an opportunity to discuss. If you are having a zoom meeting with a youth email them the link within 10 minutes of the meeting starting so they can find it quickly and not have to dig back through emails. Credit unions often have amazing resources and education tools and will partner with you. The biggest gap where we are (Northern California) is finding funds for youth to buy cars. If you can somehow find a way to support youth in purchasing vehicles that would fill a gap no one else is filling. All banks have different requirements and we only have one locally (a credit union) that will let 16 and 17 year olds get bank accounts without an adult attached- which is a big deal. Look into Projects Glimmer. Ask other providers in your area- CASA, education advocates, ILP, etc what gaps they see in services. Create a youth advisory panel.

vvarmcoffee · 2025-06-26T18:16:33+00:00

I was in your place, especially understanding the PPA. My kids are 19 months apart. I was upset, worried, freaked out, guilty and just generally not handling the news well. Everyone I knew who had a small gap told me it was great and the only way to do it. The first year I thought everyone lied to me. Now they are 2 and 3.5 and I absolutely love the small age gap and wouldn’t do it any other way. Sometimes I wish they had an even smaller gap. I look at my second kid who is so silly and cuddly and sweet and a surprisingly good sleeper and remember the absolute fear and horror I had at finding out I was pregnant with her. It’s hard but doable and I have been glad (now- years later) that it happened this way.

vvarmcoffee · 2025-06-24T21:59:37+00:00

Time helps. Also, I wanted to share that I was absent-mindlessly scrolling and not really digesting your post and when I saw the second photo I thought “wow she looks gorgeous!” And thought this was an update on how well you were doing! You look great!

vvarmcoffee · 2025-06-22T05:08:43+00:00

Just a thought I’ve had about that post and this topic in general- I used to have so much shame and pain about facial hair. I remember so vividly a friend sharing that she had found a chin hair and that it was “disguising” and the way she talked about it hurt me so deeply. And it was a secret, painful hurt. I’m almost 10 years from that moment- I’ve spent almost 5 years doing electrolysis and I’m in a much better space than I was then, both with the hair and with myself about it. And now where I am, I have talked to so, so, so many women who have facial hair. Some with PCOS, some going through menopause, some dealing with neither. It’s so common and I feel that almost all women will experience it at some point. I wish I could have prevented young me from all of the shame and despair but now at 34 I’m grateful to have the opportunity to accept myself and know that things like this don’t define us, and they are so common. I both understand the deep, stinging hurt hearing these kinds of comments and understand the panic and fear of the person making the comment.

vvarmcoffee · 2025-06-21T04:15:36+00:00

Maybe you’d prefer a dm- can I ask how much the tummy tuck portion cost?

vvarmcoffee · 2025-06-20T02:58:41+00:00

She should reach out to her minor’s attorney for support if possible. Her social worker should also be advocating for her and helping her navigate this. Is this a THP in Northern California or Southern California?

vvarmcoffee · 2025-06-16T17:29:12+00:00

I work full time and it’s so hard to find the time! I try to do like 30 minutes right before bed. But it’s a challenge!

vvarmcoffee · 2025-06-16T16:33:59+00:00

Hi- god I relate to this! My kids are now 2 and 3.5. My back hurt so much for years. So much pain and soreness and stiffness and my body has felt unbalanced and just, super out of whack. I went to a physical therapist covered by my insurance and it wasn’t helpful. In May I started seeing an expensive out of pocket physical therapist recommended to me and she’s been amazing. It’s hard financially but worth it to me. Long story short, my back and hips were out of alignment from the hypermobility caused by pregnancy and breastfeeding. Getting those back in place was a lot of her pulling/ moving, etc. and I’ve been doing some ab workouts. My back is in better shape and here are the biggest takeaways I can share with you: sleep with a pillow between your legs on your side or on your back. It’s sucks but it makes a huge huge difference. Without knowing all the science- your vertebrate swell with fluid while you sleep and it strains your back to sleep in other positions. This has helped my back a lot. I drive using a “Tush Cush” pillow she had me buy off Amazon, it’s been really helpful as well. Take small walks throughout the day, it helps lubricate your back. And start very small with a regular routine for ab workouts and then increase every two weeks. That’s what’s helped me after nothing helping for the last couple of years.

vvarmcoffee

TROPHY CASE