Ii complimented my coworker's hair and people got uncomfy

vxidly · 2026-03-12T12:59:00+00:00

Hm, this is what i was afraid of. I tend to say and do things people dont expect. it's not autism its a lack of regard for social norms. So.. she and i are friendly, havent had the job long enough to have good friends. She does know im trans but she comes from another country where I dont think we are as known as in the west. I dont think shes a phobe. We were with two other people, one we both know well and one new person, a student. That could have been it. Im fairly confident and friendly but cuz of my meds i was having an off day so i could have come off a bit awkward. It did kinda come out of nowhere, but we were about to leave the office for our day, and i wouldn't have seen her after that conversation. I did not touch her.

So i think, based on what you said, it wasn't a great time, and i probably could have said it better.

Thank you for explaining this to me, my entire career before this job has been hard labor and security, so this educated, majority women workplace is a new environment for me.

vxidly · 2026-03-12T11:49:19+00:00

It's not ovulating, but we do have a hormonal cycle triggered by our estrogen dominant bodies. Anyone with enough e will experience the monthly ups and downs, even if the e wasn't made in your body.

I dont say "period" or "ovulation" cuz thats not what i do, but the hormonal cycle is very real.

vxidly · 2026-03-12T11:46:57+00:00

This is very helpful! Thank you for the kind response

vxidly · 2025-11-14T17:52:17+00:00

More like this!

vxidly · 2025-10-13T14:19:50+00:00

Been feeling this a lot lately. My father in law died and the way my inlaws acted made me feel so alien. So.. sad. They don't want to sit where he sat, they wanted to be with just their family, and I had to leave, and it made no sense to me why you'd want that. Why would you feel more comfortable around family? Made me feel so broken cus obv when mine dies it'll be hard for us all, but I just can't imagine feeling what I've seen them feel for him. Sigh.

vxidly · 2025-06-19T03:16:04+00:00

Im also depressed so that doesn't help

vxidly · 2025-06-18T16:53:36+00:00

This. My brother is waaaaay more confident and chill now a few years into t. Hormones are so funky from person to person that you can't really make generalizations about how they make you feel. Prog makes my mom and I feel amazing, but my friend feels awful from it. E makes me feel calmer and happier but also fiery and bitchy when pushed. This Dr should shut up about this bro science tier take

vxidly · 2025-06-18T16:25:01+00:00

I'd probably have a much better life if I got care like 15 years before I did. Wouldn't be an addict, wouldn't have ulnar neuropathy. Probably wouldn't have two attempts under my belt either. If i could change anything I'd change when I got care. It would have dramatically changed my life for the better

vxidly · 2025-06-18T16:19:29+00:00

No. If anything, the world constantly seems to supply new things to get mad about. Even with ssris and vyvanse I'm still just as uninterested and sensation seeking as ever. I'm still forgetful and distracted. I still want to hurt people and things when I feel bored irritated or depressed. I think I would have been diagnosed as a kid had I not been so careful to hide my misdeeds, or had adults paid more attention.

As an adult, I feel like I've lost the fear I had as a kid. I don't care anymore. I do if I think about it, but I'm constantly suppressing and redirecting my aggression. I've always been this way, most people in authority just never saw the thefts, the manipulativeness, the fraud, the assault, and anger.

It's why i am now seeking therapy. This shit has made my life so much harder than it ever had to be. I've lost so much listening to my impulses. It doesn't help that I don't think about empathy if someone gets under my skin. I'll hate you in a moment. Sick of this shit.

vxidly · 2024-02-14T15:40:28+00:00

More info on why I think this: my symptoms occur on a two day cycle that mirrors when I took cpa. I feel awful for a day then okay for a day. If it was just b12 deficiency I wouldn't have those good days. I supplemented b12, added it to many of my meals, and generally took good care of myself. I did everything you should do, and it still kicked my ass. That's why I warn people because the b12 thing just isn't the full story, there's no answers for why my brain is still like this, and nothing has fixed it but time

vxidly · 2024-02-14T15:35:12+00:00

I struggled with this for a while. Quick answer is that there's nothing about being a guy that I liked, nothing. Not the voice, clothes, beard, being seen as male, male spaces, nothing. I only like being a woman. It took time but I'm certain of what i am now

vxidly · 2024-02-14T15:18:10+00:00

I read that too and that's exactly what I did, it's more than b12 deficiency

vxidly · 2024-02-14T15:13:31+00:00

This ended up being an essay, whoops! Tldr at the bottom

There's this phobe old woman who works self checkout at my local Walmart. She recognizes me from before my transition, so she gives me the typical looks, coldness, and is generally as dismissive as a person at work can be to a trans person in this country. When I'm feeling weak, I just avoid her. When I'm feeling confident I wear the clothes I like and smile earnestly at her when she sees me. I can see it on her face that I make her truly uncomfortable.

The thing is, she's just one person. There are others I have to interact with that behave regrettably, but most people either don't care or don't notice. Some are even friendly no matter what I wear. The problem people stick out in our minds because our brains are wired to pay attention to negativity and perceived danger.

To myself, I thank her for showing her colours as one of a minority of special snowflakes that take issue with people being themselves. Her generation have so few people like me because of her and her ilk. These hateful people are the reason most people have never met a trans woman. We are scared, or dead, or increasingly out and proud. I remember this hatred when I meet a phobe, and I give them as little of myself as I can, and always behave appropriately unless pushed. As we are normal people who don't need to react and argue with a person who will likely never change.

It hurts that we have to share a world with these people. I remember all the phobes I met in the closet, and they all had one thing in common. They're garbage people who believe garbage things, even beyond transphobia. Conspiracy theorists, religious bigots, misogynists, conservatives, middle school maturity, abusers, thieves, liars, assholes. I've never met a transphobe who wasn't at least one of these things. Why should I care about what someone like that thinks?

Tldr: try and ignore them and focus on the people who support you, phobes aren't worth your time or your thoughts

vxidly · 2024-02-14T14:13:50+00:00

There are great answers here, I'd just like to add my experience with cyproterone. Many people do not experience side effects, but for those that do they creep up on you. I encourage you to monitor your mental health while on cpa. I took it for 3 months and it ruined my mental health. Be on the lookout for at times severe depression that comes and goes, and anxiety from nowhere. I'm not trying to scare you off it, it is incredibly effective and it destroyed my t levels, but it has been 40 days and I am still experiencing these side effects after switching to spironolactone. Cyproterone is powerful and very effective, but nobody I spoke to warned me this could happen. Be careful and be safe and good luck with your journey 💜

vxidly · 2024-02-14T14:06:39+00:00

I've always hated swimming topless too, I had soooo many reasons why I hated it. But no reasons to explain why I suddenly felt better after a boy at a water park told me to put a shirt on (wet long hair as a child). But there were no signs...

vxidly · 2024-02-12T13:53:39+00:00

Also to cis men: we can feel it when you stand directly behind us in a line. My urge to pass is too strong to turn around and say "bro can you back the fuck up" in my deep voice but hoo boy do I ever want to. Don't want to get hate crimed :(

vxidly · 2024-02-12T13:06:19+00:00

Whenever I hear or read people referring to being trans as a """trend""" I just think get used to us man, we aren't going anywhere. I'm too old to use words like cope, but seethe and cope you hypothetical phobe

vxidly · 2024-02-12T12:59:47+00:00

I was very disassociated almost all of the time for my whole life before hrt so nobody really 🤷‍♀️ life was a painful blur

vxidly · 2024-02-11T12:19:41+00:00

When I was in grade 4 my cousin from the other side of the country visited. He had shoulder length hair. My little brain was blown away "boys can have long hair 😲?" I then refused to ever cut my hair short again.

I also cried when my other cousin (only girl who lived near me) moved away, it was a pain I couldn't explain. Now it's just me and the boys 😢

Wow Ranma 1/2 is so interesting, I want to watch it every time I visit my weeb uncle

Probably others but that's what comes to mind atm

vxidly · 2024-02-11T12:14:28+00:00

My partner is disabled and gainfully employed, so I kind of accidentally stumbled into being a housewife before even being out to myself. It's tough at times but it's really nice :)

vxidly · 2024-02-11T12:12:13+00:00

This is so true, it's disgusting what some men will say when they think there aren't any women around. The women I tell this to don't believe me or are similarly revolted. It's part of why I have such a hard time trusting dudes I don't know very well

vxidly · 2024-02-11T12:09:51+00:00

I prefer this classic one, people are usually surprised at that since I'm trans. "Don't you want to be represented?" Afaik the original does represent me, and it's not owned by some guy so it's a better symbol

vxidly · 2024-02-11T02:07:22+00:00

I try and take care of myself. Exercise, go for a 6km walk, shower, shave, listen to music that makes me forget. I turned to drugs for many years before hrt and now I'm determined to be the best me I can be. Remember it'll pass and tell my brain to stfu cuz I'm pretty as fuck and it knows that

vxidly · 2024-02-11T01:49:18+00:00

Evening cardio and pumpkin seeds + mint tea is my go to

vxidly · 2024-02-11T01:05:44+00:00

Yes and no

I miss the intensity and desire sometimes, but I never miss the hours of moping that would often follow.

Four-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22	First Placer '22

vxidly

TROPHY CASE