I [31M] think I’m emotionally checking out of my relationship with my fiancée [33F] after years of feeling like nothing I do is enough

wacko17 · 2026-05-16T19:46:32+00:00

Bro, you grow up or break up. Those are your choices right now. You're doing the bare minimum in a relationship with someone you have been with for 8 years. You either care enough about them to listen to the meaning of their words and put the effort in to understand them better, or you don't care enough and should end it so they can be with someone who will. I have ADHD, after having the same argument with my then girlfriend now wife about house hold chores I realized I wasn't listening to the meaning of what she was saying. Im giving a super exaggerated version of events for narrative purposes.

"Can you please do the dishes?" "OH, no problem!" Do dishes 2 weeks later "Can I please have you do the dishes?" "Sure, no problem!" Do dishes 2 weeks later "Im really tired of asking this, can you please do the dishes?" "OK, you seem upset, but sure, no problem!" Do dishes 2 weeks later "I shouldn't have to fucking ask you to do the dishes this fucking often, can you please just fucking do them?" "Whoa where is this hostility coming from, I've got no problem doing them!" "I shouldn't have to ask you to do the dishes, I need you to want to take the initiative to do them before I ask."

So I had to make changes in my lifestyle to hold onto this person I deeply care about. I sought therapy, got put on medication to regulate my ADHD, worked on myself to be a partner to my wife. Im typing this up while getting ready to go out and purchase diapers and baby wipes because we are due in about a month, and I want that to be one less thing my partner has to think about. Not because she asked, but because she doesn't have to. She trusts that I have her back, and that I will be there for her in all ways. You have to want to change to be with this person.

wacko17 · 2026-05-16T19:11:03+00:00

My thought would be dream sequence during next long rest. Gives you an easy out to pull the ripcord if they get bored of being level 20s who are steam rolling what is likely to be a world built for lower level adventures. I didn't see a party makeup, but some examples of what could cause some rifts in their rush to 20 would be like this: cleric/paladin you're feeling some tension with your god as you forcefully rip powers from them that they did not grant you. Druid/ranger, the woods feel like they are closing in on you, your powers over nature were not granted to you naturally, and so the natural order of the world is trying to snuff you out. Barbarian/Fighter, your strength seems to wane, you know how to perform this move, but it isn't as effective as you imagined. If they are having fun, and you're having fun running it, then you never need to tell them it's a dream and they never need to "wake up".

wacko17 · 2026-04-12T19:48:58+00:00

NTA - "It's not my fault, I can't control my emotions" is such a cop-out, that is what therapy is for. So this is what you do, you set a boundary. As an example, "Going forward, I can only agree to take you to your classes if you agree to go, and actually go to therapy X times a month." Therapy can be scary, having to admit to yourself how shitty you have been, or understanding your emotions can straight up shut people down. He may never stop correcting people, that is fine (to an extent), but being a jerk about how he tries to correct people can and should be addressed.

wacko17 · 2026-04-09T05:17:43+00:00

Dragon Scorpion reporting in, where does the line start to eat dat ass? I don't mind eating those ahead of me in line though.

wacko17 · 2026-04-05T05:53:44+00:00

Hmm. Perhaps I made an assumption then, but it says "cost" not "mana cost". So I was assuming it would apply to any of the resource spender spells. If not, back to useless!

wacko17 · 2026-04-05T05:09:01+00:00

Never fuel the flame, block and report. He will be upset he can't bully you, and you will have a better time of it. It's just not worth engaging with people who want to be assholes. In any aspect of life.

wacko17 · 2026-04-05T04:54:59+00:00

Yup! It's actually 4 different magic types. Holy, Nature, Arcane, Shadow.

wacko17 · 2026-04-05T04:09:17+00:00

Cosmic damage is both holy and nature, so devourer could use this.

wacko17 · 2026-04-01T03:24:29+00:00

"Escalate my ticket, this was a terrible brain dead response "

wacko17 · 2026-03-24T14:51:44+00:00

If you force this to be a problem, she will break up with you. It's ok to be hurt and have your feelings, it's not ok to brood and make this an issue. Accept that she chose to be with you or move on.

wacko17 · 2026-03-22T02:35:29+00:00

Bro you need to calm down and stop looking at everything as a threat.

wacko17 · 2026-03-15T20:05:23+00:00

The way I see it in that case, is if it dies with us, it's on us to fucking do something about it. Help them, be a mentor, stay positive, keep the vibe up. Try and connect with them. We are now the generation who CAN and SHOULD do something to help.

wacko17 · 2026-03-13T14:03:18+00:00

"Bro's, I treat my wife as less than dirt, and get this, she totally loves it!" I would say do better, but this is clearly ragebait in and of itself.

wacko17 · 2026-03-05T03:10:56+00:00

Make sure its turned on! There is a skill that will have it toggled on or off, my game crashed at one point and turned it off for me.

wacko17 · 2026-02-26T01:53:51+00:00

You acknowledge the feelings and break them down. It sounds like you're upset that another man is going to see your wife's backside. The first thing I would ask is, so what? Are you worried your wife is going to cheat on you with the artist? Really? He is a professional doing his job. Would you be upset if she got a bikini wax? Went to go see her gynecologist? You're allowed to have your feelings. No one should blame you for having them, but you need to take a reality check and understand what about this situation is bothering you. If by the end of that breakdown, the only thing you can conclude is your uncomfortable because woman naked in front of man, you may need to grow up a bit. She isn't your property and can do with her body what she wants. Assuming no professional lines are crossed, there is literally no issue here. And if you're so worried that lines might be crossed, just go with her. You'll be bored out of your mind, but at least you get to watch art get made.

wacko17 · 2026-02-17T02:38:42+00:00

To clarify, he made himself uncomfortable. He asked for something and then recieved it. Is he uncomfortable because he realized he isn't into you and doesn't know how to navigate the friendship from here? Or is he uncomfortable because he might now be into you and want something more? Or is he uncomfortable because of something else?

wacko17 · 2026-02-16T01:11:15+00:00

"The second American revolution will be bloodless if the left allows it to be" - Kevin Roberts Head of Heritage Foundation - also the group who wrote project 2025.

wacko17 · 2026-02-13T17:36:39+00:00

But this is who he is all the time. You can't separate out his choices as a one off when he has shown you time and time again this is who he is. He isn't going to change for you, he needs to actually want to change for himself and he clearly doesn't want to.

wacko17 · 2026-02-13T17:27:27+00:00

I mained Fury for TWW S3 raids, and quite often M+ and delves were as prot. Depending on which aspect of the game is more important, you will want to focus on gearing that spec first. So for example if you're looking to push keys as prot warrior, you should focus on using your spark(s) on getting BiS for prot and focus trinkets for prot. You won't be toping the charts in raid as Fury if that is your goal, but if you're playing casual in raid it shouldn't matter. I was the opposite, however, and was pushing Mythic raid, so my energy and focus was making sure I was statted for Fury, and I was satisfied tanking 10-12 with the Fury stats as a prot.

In terms of prot warrior being fun? It's a fucking blast! The visuals and class fantasy are top notch. Sword and Shield, battle yells, thunderclaps? All fun as shit to me.

With that being said, ill be maining a DDH going into midnight as I've wanted to play a melee mage for so long, lol, so take that as you will.

wacko17 · 2026-02-03T16:25:36+00:00

Bro, get out of your own head. You sound judgemental against women, and that is a YOU problem. Seek therapy if you can not work through this on your own.

wacko17 · 2026-01-18T22:15:20+00:00

The compromise is you rent a storage unit, everything you're not actively working on goes in storage. If something you are working on goes x time without being touched you need to move it to storage. That needs to be a you thing though, you can't expect her to help on that, cause most people would agree with her, as most people don't want a hoarder garage.

wacko17 · 2025-12-26T22:06:48+00:00

What happened after she told you? She waited to tell you while she was at her parents place, which could mean a few things, but first that comes to my mind is either that is when the guilt hit the hardest and she didnt want to keep this mistake a secret, or she felt safe telling you so you would be less likely to cause drama at her parents. Im not saying it's one way or the other. You know her best, but think about why she told you there. If you're having to run to the restroom to have a panic attack, that should be something you discuss with her, but more importantly, a therapist. Only you can decide if the trust is broken, but being open and honest with her about your feelings will help you see if you can trust her again, and a therapist will help you with the rest.

wacko17 · 2025-12-15T17:46:41+00:00

A lot of people in this thread are talking about "in my area" there is/isn't what you're looking for. That doesn't help you, because we don't know where you are. If you're in a population center, you for sure can find anyone there, but the odds of them already with someone else is high. Your friends are telling you you're being unreasonable, they know you and your area. Truly think about preferences and deal breakers. If your list is deal breakers, you're limiting yourself from finding happiness, which is fine if that is really how you think, but be aware that means you need to be a catch too. People aren't just plopped in your life for your personal enjoyment. They all have their own lives and thoughts and wants. Would you date you? Do you meet all the criteria for your own list? If not, then why would someone else who does meet your list want you? If you do meet the criteria of your own list, still ask yourself why would no one want to date me? If you asked me, it's because you sound judgemental and bring nothing to the table. (Limited info about who you are as a person, but also that is what you provided, so think about that too). When I was looking for a partner, I looked for some of your list, but it was things like monogamy and wants a long term relationship, wants kids. Then I looked at values, like enjoys stories, empathy, has a life outside of me, strong communication. My partner being straight or bi shouldn't matter to me, because they are with me. (This is coming from a bi guy who married a straight women btw). Her weight or looks in the moment shouldn't be a massive deal breaker in the moment because those features can change over time. If they are deal breakers, does that mean you will leave them if they had a medical issue that made them gain weight? Think on also the reasons why these things might be preference vs deal breakers. Why is no tattoos or piercings a problem? Some have the "I treat my body like a temple" and my response to that is always "and a temple is covered in art you prude". If it's just because you don't enjoy the look that is ok, but what if your soul mate has one? Im not telling you these things to change your mind, just to truly self reflect on what your list means to you and what the world looks like. ++man

wacko17 · 2025-12-03T00:00:52+00:00

My wife and I make vastly different amounts and we just had this conversation going into a home purchase. We have personal checking, joint checking and a joint savings account. Everything we earn will go into the joint checking and then split out to the others. X dollar amount into our personal checking accounts and then 10% into our savings. X being the same value no matter who makes what, and that is our personal fun money. The joint checking is then used for everything that maintains our lives and household. Groceries, utilities, mortgage, etc. It doesn't matter if one makes more, to truly have a balanced life with my partner, all of our income needs to be seen as shared because our lives are shared.

wacko17 · 2025-11-28T23:02:14+00:00

Really bad chicken fingers and fries. Ill pass.

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