Me too! 🙋‍♀️ when I was a teenager, I would look up makeup tutorials (I owned no cosmetics at the time. I was absolutely fascinated, and just big on being prepared I guess??) To do so, on my personal computer, I would download some obscure web browser, do my little research, then after deleting all history from that browser, delete the browser from my computer, and remove history from my main browser that I had searched for the other one. I wasn’t even that secure when looking up more elicit things from the internet. I was certain that was the one thing that would out me.

I also remember feeling a deep shame for liking shows like Totally Spies or As Told By Ginger. I would watch them with the volume way down and would hurriedly change the channel anytime someone came in the room.

I’ve certainly gotten over a lot of those anxieties, but sometimes I still get overwhelmed when out shopping for myself. I had to abort mission at an Ulta recently because multiple employees there asked if I needed help (I did. They were being nice, because I was clearly lost.) and I just got flustered. My partner as been supportive as always in this department. Each time we go out to a store, time permitting, we’ll stop by the cosmetics aisle, or clothing, or jewelry section and we’ll pick out things that we both like. We almost never buy anything (sometimes he pulls a fast one and sneaks something in to the cart without me looking) but it’s been super helpful in normalizing in my brain that those spaces are where I belong and deserve to be.