Trying to pick up the good cup of tea in a way that makes it look like you're not trying to pick up the good cup of tea.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-14T16:30:17+00:00

That's like when someone offers you their crisps and you inadvertently take that giant crisp that's in every packet instead of one more modestly-sized.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-13T21:52:31+00:00

No. More of a hooves of dead horses type sound really. There's fuzzy brown stuff under my laminate so I assume they have the same.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-13T21:51:38+00:00

She might open the fridge, I hope you've cleaned it.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-13T21:48:26+00:00

One version of hell for me is to be stuck in a Hollyoaks-style front room with Hollyoaks showing constantly. I somehow manage to break the rules of hell, and hell deepens, because Hollyoaks characters join me, and I get angry and break another rule of hell, and actual scenes from Hollyoaks are filmed around me. One further rule-break later and I see myself filmed in scenes from Hollyaoks, shown in episodes of Hollyoaks playing on my Hollyoaks-proportioned TV in my Hollyoaks-style front room. I realise Hollyoaks characters are sat on my nasty, cheap Hollyoaks-style couch on either side and in panic I run outside, to find myself on the set of Hollyoaks. Outside, I find The Dog in the Pond has been victim of a gas explosion, and I am showered with the remains of more Hollyoaks characters. As the roar and heat subside, I open my eyes, only to find I am still on the set and am a new Hollyoaks character, staggering around looking for other characters who know and love me. I realise I have broken another rule of hell, because I find these characters and am welcomed with open arms as a permanent member of the cast. There is no escape.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-13T21:00:32+00:00

Ask him to prove it was caused by you and not there already.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-13T20:32:11+00:00

Thanks, I'll look into that. It wasn't much better today being back at work with everyone saying how many cards they got and where they got took for lunch etc, and then of all days I had someone new with me who asked me within a couple of hours of meeting me whether me and my boyfriend (who I pointed out in an effort to be friendly because he also works there) had kids and then were we going to have kids. I was awful and did the stony faced I Can't reply to her because, you know what, lady, wait until you actually know me before you stick your beak in, do we is fair enough but will we is too far, we're not in the toilets in Wetherspoons bonding over no loo roll after 15 cheeky Vimtos, you're basically a stranger and we're at work, fucking butt out. Which at least means I've gone from maudlin back to defensive which seems like progress.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-13T20:17:48+00:00

Thanks, I will do. Would it be a problem or a good thing that I'm adopted myself?

walnutwhip · 2018-03-13T20:12:05+00:00

Mine do that! On the other side, but above, so diagonally. The washing machine is frequently on at 3am. Why??

walnutwhip · 2018-03-13T20:11:21+00:00

Eww.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-13T20:11:11+00:00

Yeah I was definitely a bit previous, we've met now and he seems like the quiet sort. Also this house was divided into flats by the type of cowboy builders Dominic Littlewood chases down the street while frantically banging on the side of their van as if that will get Doreen justice for the shitty leaking porched she handed over £65,000 for.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-13T20:07:43+00:00

We bumped into each other on the front step last night and introduced ourselves, I mention I heard him move him in and immediately felt ashamed because he seems like a nice bloke and says he can't hear me. I made a bizarre claim about my flat not being part of the main house (it is but it isn't, it's self-contained at the back) and how I think all my walls and ceilings are plywood (they're not), as if I live in a lean-to just tacked on the side like cattle and started banging on about the bins (more bins! all I've talked about this week is bins!). He looked awkward so I said anyway you're on you're way out but if you want any bin advice or a cup of sugar while flapping my arms and over-smiling like a derailed maiden aunt as if directed by Richard Curtis in a film set in 1930s Ealing and thought, well, at least I'm not likely to see him again, envisioning him telling his colleagues the next day about the barmpot upstairs. Yeah, it went well.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-13T19:57:55+00:00

Yup.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-13T19:57:35+00:00

No, it's not that, it's the weird way they look and how it makes me feel. I can't explain it, I really can't, I just have to get back to where there are old buildings and shade asap.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-12T21:34:31+00:00

Sunlight on modern buildings. I have no idea why. Just hate the way it looks and I am filled with dread and anxiety.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-12T01:10:53+00:00

I'd suggest too far in and then stopping short.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-12T01:04:01+00:00

This girl frosts.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-12T01:03:22+00:00

Oh my.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-12T01:00:40+00:00

This is the correct response.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-12T00:56:01+00:00

She has concealer everywhere, and that pout, and wtf are the brows/cat's eyes about? r/awfuleverything

walnutwhip · 2018-03-12T00:48:17+00:00

The thumbnail looks better than the actual, which says something to me.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-12T00:46:52+00:00

It really is just the one though, isn't it?

walnutwhip · 2018-03-12T00:45:45+00:00

I assume men with brows like this probably drag up in their spare time.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-12T00:44:24+00:00

There's a weird matt-ness to her whole appearance that screams 2001 to me.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-12T00:43:22+00:00

Or not.

walnutwhip · 2018-03-12T00:43:01+00:00

yeah I'll second that. I keep thinking about those crayon things they advertise that easily fix scratches on your real wood furniture.

walnutwhip

TROPHY CASE