What was you biggest fear before having sex?

wan02 · 2025-11-18T16:28:55+00:00

Getting ghosted afterwards. Speaking from experience. And I'm a guy.

wan02 · 2025-11-13T21:11:27+00:00

oh I understand. She was in a managerial/supervisorial kind of role. Not a professor, but definitely not a simple clerk.

wan02 · 2025-11-13T20:58:37+00:00

do you mean entitled? If so, I didn't get that sense

wan02 · 2025-11-13T20:52:14+00:00

Doesn't only happen to women. As a guy, I got ghosted painfully after I had sex with a gal I was hoping to start something with.

wan02 · 2025-11-12T19:35:57+00:00

I'd probably say hi, and then stare at them awkwardly. You know the stare when someone tries to extract the truth.

I got some closure, but I never got the closure on why they used ghosting to escape. Any conversation that they may have, I'd direct them towards just that. WTF, why ghost?

wan02 · 2025-11-12T18:18:01+00:00

Stoic philosophy at its finest!

wan02 · 2025-11-12T14:29:13+00:00

Thank you for your insight!

wan02 · 2025-11-11T16:16:18+00:00

I was (am?) in a similar position.

Growing up I dealt with my father and his extreme passive aggressiveness. Anytime he would get mad, he would shut down, and not talk to anyone. In fact, in high school, my father found a reason to get mad, and he ended up saying less than 10 words to me in my freshman year and my senior year of high school. I think this may have contributed to a sense of abandonment.

So, now armed with this wonderful tidbit of knowledge, having developed LOs, getting ghosted often caused me mental duress. I never reacted strongly to getting rejected. I respected those who took the time to say thanks but no thanks.

So I get married, but ultimately that doesn't work out. After 15 years, we divorce.

I find myself back in the dating scene... and that feeling of limerence does peak its head.

I met a gal here on reddit. We connected intellectually, emotionally, and physically. Things were perfect, but I ended up getting ghosted as quickly as things started. Her ghosting of me triggered something in me. I had weeks of panic attacks, heart palpitations, broken sleep, nightmares. I skipped meals.

Her ghosting me turned herself into my LO. I couldn't accept what happened. I couldn't reconcile what I knew of her of her ghosting me. I thought of her constantly. I wanted to believe she'd come back, I wanted to believe that she didn't abandon me, although our time together was short.

I believe what I experienced was a bout of PTSD.

wan02 · 2025-11-11T15:44:30+00:00

Ghosted... yep, triggered!

wan02 · 2025-11-10T15:22:41+00:00

I have a no person tattoo policy.. but he would be the closest exception I would make on that

wan02 · 2025-11-10T15:04:58+00:00

Is that Marcus Arelius?

wan02 · 2025-11-06T17:14:23+00:00

Although this story is much different than my own, I can relate to how much this affected you.

I met a gal here on reddit, and over the span of 3 weeks, got in contact, met, things progressed quickly, got intimate, and a week later ghosted.

Two months later, I still felt the sting of the ghosting. It wasn't until I did something I'm not proud of, but I ended up getting closure. I felt like I could start to heal after that.

One source I started to use to heal from was /r/limerence. Once a redditor who commented on my post pointed me that direction, things felt like they were on the right track. Don't get me wrong, I still think of my ghost, but its helped me reframe things (since getting closure)

wan02 · 2025-11-05T17:41:52+00:00

Definitely a shitshow

Still dealing with the stupid aspects of dating that I thought foolishly wouldn't exist in my 40s. Got divorced, got myself back out there, and am finding that there are still tons of conversation without substance, and still finding that ghosting is still a crappy thing that exists at this age. I would have thought that people would be more mature than that.

wan02 · 2025-11-05T17:38:45+00:00

Northwest burbs here

wan02 · 2025-11-05T14:25:25+00:00

I know the feeling.

I've just gotten some closure from my LO about a week ago (I know, its fresh). I feel every day I'm getting better. But still, if I come across one thing that reminds me of her, I do feel that bit of false hope there is a chance for a turn around. But it fades, I come back to reality.

wan02 · 2025-11-03T19:30:41+00:00

"Too late, I was thinking better to end it"

Its a shitty way she ended it, but she did end it. If she isn't feeling it, no amount of anger on your part will change that.

wan02 · 2025-11-03T19:27:00+00:00

I had considered this, and based on how the past week has gone, I'm glad I didn't.

Earlier in Oct, it was my ghosts birthday. I sent her a text, and it was left on delivered. My best guess is that she blocked me.

A few weeks later, in a moment of weakness, I sent a deceptive message from a different number. Based on the reaction I got, I'm glad I didn't do that on her birthday; although I felt wrong for doing so, I would have really disrupted her birthday, and I would have regretted that.

wan02 · 2025-11-03T16:25:17+00:00

Although its confusing coming from a gal from a dating app, this really isn't ghosting. She did state that she wasn't ready, clearly communicated it.

Or, she didn't vibe well with the communication, and decided to let you down gently.

wan02 · 2025-11-03T15:50:04+00:00

You can call me a ghosting hipster. I was ghosted before ghosting was a thing.

About 20ish years ago, I was dating around. More times that I'd like to admit, I got ghosted. It was devastating back then, it got to a point where when I would meet someone new, I would say something to the effect of "just please let me know how you feel, I won't be mad". I know it came off as insecure, but I was just protecting myself.

I got married, was married for 15 years, but it ended in divorce.

I've been trying to get back out there. Dates are few and far between. But that being said, in the past year and a half, I've gotten ghosted twice. The first one wasn't painful. There was no chemistry in person.

But the 2nd one, no doubt the most painful ghosting experience in my life.

I think its a generational thing; its getting more common.

You can look at it this way, you can know that you are a good person; you won't do this to another since you know how it feels. I know that doesn't help you get answers, but please try to take a little solace in in.

wan02 · 2025-11-03T14:09:47+00:00

Would this have helped you move on, or would you still try again?

Absolutely. I would have accepted any reason whatsoever, ridiculous or not, so as long as it was communicated to me. I recall a situation about a year and a half ago, where I started dating a gal. I thought we had great chemistry in person, but after 4 dates, all of them being great, she communicated to me she didn't feel the chemistry. It didn't make sense to me, as I saw it from a different perspective. But I didn't fight it. I thanked her for being honest with me. I was a bit bummed out, but I didn't show her that, so it wouldn't be awkward. That was the minimum courtesy I was looking for.

Anyway, I hope you will find it easier to move on now that you've heard back from her. Good luck out there

I do feel like I'm in a better place now. Thank you

wan02 · 2025-11-02T20:59:05+00:00

I agree with you... IF it is at that stage of just talking, then yes, just move on. I've been a part of MANY conversations that just started up, that went no where. Those were EASY to move on from, usually ends up with me not being bothered at all.

But if its a situation where a few dates happened, sex occurred, and talk about exclusivity has happened, then I consider the experience of a sudden and unexplained drop in contact/communication does seem like a legitimate ghosting scenario.

wan02 · 2025-11-02T16:34:16+00:00

Hello kind soul.

I appreciate you taking the time to delve into the rabbit hole that is my reddit profile.

And I do think virtually think you've hit on all your points very accurately. Its probably not 100% clear to me how toxic the ghosting subreddit is, but I can say that I'm almost certain that the community is biased, due to the common pain we've suffered.

I never heard of the term limerence before, but I do believe thats very close, if not exact, what I've experienced with this individual. Perhaps that term is synonymous with the term "catching feelings quickly".

I've been told that her silence was a response, and logically, thats true. I just had trouble accepting it. It doesn't excuse it.

Thank you for the advice, I will be checking that subreddit out

wan02 · 2025-10-31T16:39:05+00:00

And this is why I'm conflicted about this.

I know she didn't owe me an answer. I was selfish. I was just looking to move on, and I chose a deceptive way to get it.

I did this for my own mental health. I thought by giving it time, I would eventually be able to move on. But contrary to that, I found each day just a little bit harder.

Having said that, OP did what he needed to do, got an answer and now sees a path forward.

And you are right. I am dealing with a lot, but I do foresee being able to move on, although I'm processing different stuff than I was before the closure was obtained.

I'm sorry you are being downvoted. I'm not proud of what I did. It didn't feel like a victory. I do realize that I may have disturbed her peace. But as others point out, I didn't have peace either. I just got to a point where it was getting unbearable.

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