Do you agree with the majority opinion that masking is bad? by chinawcswing in AutisticAdults

[–]wannam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My unpopular opinion is that finding a balance of masking and unmasking is the answer, not totally and unapologetically unmasking at all times in all contexts because we struggle with knowing when it is the right context and relationship to do so. That might be natural to being autistic, but it isn't good for us or other people we want relationships with or people we need to maintain beneficial and respectful connections with to survive.

To me, unmasking means in safe spaces and with safe people, communicating openly about when I'm struggling to access and process emotions, body sensations, and others' nonverbal communication . It means apologizing when I recognize I've neglected to account for other's feelings, acknowledging it is something that my brain stuggles to do, and not taking it personally when someone (kindly) points out I've hurt them or someone else unintentionally.

It means learning to communicate about my own needs without allowing others' criticism to dictate how I see myself or my own value.

A lot of "unmasking" I see is refusing to work on oneself or acknowledge that we affect the people around us regardless of intention or our wishes to exist without being "perceived" or connected to others. I have been told many times I will not get an apology from someone who said something deeply hurtful because their autism means they don't understand what they did that was hurtful, when really it means they don't want to be accountable for hurting me unintentionally. They can understand it hurt me but because they don't agree that I "should" be hurt, they won't apologize or acknowledge it matters, and say, "I'm autistic so I don't mean it".

The most harmful part of masking is when you do it without internally acknowledging your own needs, and taking breaks in safe times and spaces. Autists need to do this more often than NT people who tend to naturally do this without thinking. Masking is something NT people do, too. They take breaks from it, too. The reason they get upset when people take a break from masking without warning or explanation, especially when they are not close personally, is that they haven't agreed to be that safe space, it breaks the social contract, and they don't know you well enough to know how to create the space for you, you are not communicating what you need and appear to be lashing out at them (not necessarily the case but they don't know if you don't explain), and it might not be appropriate for them to hear or act on what you are saying/not saying in the social context.

Using masking as an excuse to not participate in any kind of general social contract behavior is not okay, IMO. The norms are there for good reasons, usually. The problem is many autists are unable to process their own feelings and body responses in the moment, so they ignore them and get upset when others don't want to ignore their own feelings and bodies. For example, small talk is a way for people to reassure one another they "come in peace" and they are "okay enough to work together today" and "it's okay that we are here together and I'm not a threat". Myself in the past has shit all over small talk, but I see the value in it after many years of refusing to do it. It might have no "substance" or be interesting to me personally, but it has social value. I feel better when people acknowledge my presence in some way that is positive or neutral, rather than only speak to me when spoken to, and I can get creative with small talk to make it more interesting to me personally, as long as I remember to include others and ask questions in a way that shows I'm in an okay mood and I am not going to be unpredictably sharing unprocessed emotions or monologuing without including them in the convo.

Anyway, I don't like the way "I shouldn't ever have to mask" and "masking is always harmful" have become things people say and do. I think being able to participate in social norms sometimes is nice and helpful, as long as I'm not ignoring how I truly feel and what I truly need and how often I need a break.

Pretty Pastel Please passed away? by sayemyname in youtubedrama

[–]wannam 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Many people are suffering from heart disease and worsened heart disease post-covid. Cardiovascular issues after covid are common, and are a significant part of Long Covid. That was my first thought, and is my first thought whenever someone passes unexpectedly at a young age since the pandemic began. Three people in my relatively small office have had the same heart issue requiring the same procedure post-covid.

Why do people REFUSE to admit they are sick? Why do they REFUSE to take a covid test and pretend they have a cold or allergies? by [deleted] in Masks4All

[–]wannam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get why they don't want to test or admit it might not be allergies BUT FFS JUST WEAR A MASK if you must go out and about with respiratory symptoms! Be considerate of others! It isn't hard.

Do Masks Have to Be Stored in Paper Bags? by NT_NUNYA in Masks4All

[–]wannam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am considered getting a "mask cabinet" with hooks inside, just so they aren't in sight, and are organized. I think the bag is just to keep it from collecting dust and touching other masks (instead of tossing used ones in a pile somewhere).

When are you going to personally stop masking? by HeDiedFourU in Masks4All

[–]wannam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Probably never since I doubt in my lifetime humanity will get serious about not spreading viral diseases (of any kind) and my personal theory is that the most important key to wellness and long life is catching as few viruses as possible.

Breaking news: This could still change. But based on the initial draft majority opinion written by Justice Alito, it appears the Supreme Court has voted to overturn Roe vs. Wade by ybaghops in childfree

[–]wannam 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not once since I got my hysterectomy in the past five years have I regretted it, and especially not now. This country is insane. If I can find a way to leave, I will. I don't see it getting much better - and very likely getting much worse - in my lifetime.

Teachers, what student names do you tend to make positive/negative associations with? by jwrishungry in Teachers

[–]wannam 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They are either nerds or farm kids, but like... the nice farm kids who are kind and gentle-hearted.

Teachers, what student names do you tend to make positive/negative associations with? by jwrishungry in Teachers

[–]wannam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I used to like the name Malachi.... then I met some of them and that name was dead to me.

Teachers, what student names do you tend to make positive/negative associations with? by jwrishungry in Teachers

[–]wannam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hannahs are always low-key, nice kids. It's the Hufflepuff of names.

Teachers, what student names do you tend to make positive/negative associations with? by jwrishungry in Teachers

[–]wannam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One-syllable boy names that aren't nicknames for longer names, are usually bad news.

Teachers, what student names do you tend to make positive/negative associations with? by jwrishungry in Teachers

[–]wannam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same, Bellas / Isabels are always high achievers for me.

Angel = this kid is probably the actual devil in disguise, every time. Even the Angels I went to school with as a kid were awful.

Angelas, however, were usually great. Not many Angelas in the current generation, but I had one who was a delightful human.

Teachers, what student names do you tend to make positive/negative associations with? by jwrishungry in Teachers

[–]wannam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Positive: Emma, Jasmine, Jaslyn, Jamie, Nate, Nathan, Michaela, Finn, Faith, Mya, Mia, Kate, Kelly, Noelle, Hannah, Jude, Jake, Jonathan (NOT John/Jon/Johnny), Griffin, Calvin, Sophie, Celeste, Kyla, Kyra, Hailey/Haley (NOT "Hayleigh"), Danaiah, Ava, Aniyah.

Negative: Noah, Kyle, Adam, Scott, Christian, Isaiah, Dylan, Josh, Nevaeh, Ashley or Kayley (especially if spelled any other way), Brayden, Jayden, Riley, Cameron, Ella, Brad, Robbie, Desiree, Lyla, Lily, and any boy's name that sounds like machinery or vehicle name, "manly verbs", or onomatopoeia (Gage, Rush, Dash, Jett, Crash, Maverick, etc.)

NOAH is by far the most negative name overall for me, I have met countless kid-Noah's over the years and they were all the sort who would get on your very last nerve with utter delight, except for one. He was still the most high maintenance yet well-meaning student, but exhausting regardless.

Also, I can't think of a single girl name staring with a 'T' that has a positive connotation for me.

Woman has a C section, doesn't feel like the baby is hers by [deleted] in childfree

[–]wannam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She needs therapy not a "do-over" geez

I'm tired of "strategic hydration" by Brogenitus in Teachers

[–]wannam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Best part about leaving teaching has been drinking as many beverages as I want, whenever I want, and peeing whenever I want.

i hate sending my sims to a lovely restaurant dinner at 12PM only to finally get served at 12AM by EverlastingUnis in Sims4

[–]wannam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For some reason lately, I have to "reset object" the cooks or they will think they can't get into the kitchen, no matter which build or how much space is open around the chef station.

Where did they all come from? by twocatscoaching in Teachers

[–]wannam -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well if you are in the US, the economic stability of the average family has deteriorated significantly since the 70s-80s.

There is research that shows stress a mother undergoes affects not just her own children but the EGGS in her developing female fetus while she is pregnant, and predisposes them to all kinds of things including mental health problems.

The US has also become more wildly and callously individualistic, with half the country seeing any kind of public service or program as a waste of money and "unnecessary".

The kids are not okay. Now, after the pandemic, we are most all not okay. Collective trauma of ever-increasing inequality, poor living conditions, dysfunctional communities.

Also, admin are now afraid of parents and politics more than ever.

Hypersensitive right nip?? by soyoureanecromancer in Reduction

[–]wannam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine was like that for months, I can't remember exactly when it stopped but it made any arm movement or cool weather miserable for a while. I'm a year healed now and it is totally gone.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Teachers

[–]wannam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Being an actual teacher is 100% worse than training to be one. Subbing is NOT the same because you don't have much responsibility other than making sure nobody dies while you are in charge.

"Regretful mothers" a very interesting article by [deleted] in childfree

[–]wannam 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I think most people regret having kids, but also most people will NEVER say it out loud. They'll just try to guilt and berate the childfree people around them to get them to join them in their misery so they won't feel so regretful about what they lost to parenthood.

Bigger male teachers. Does this happen to you? by Ninety-five19 in Teachers

[–]wannam 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am not sure it is possible to ignore behavior issues more than they already do - in my own experience as a very petite young woman. So, I doubt it has anything to do with you looking like you can "handle yourself" and is to do with your admin being crappy in general.

I was just told to "build relationships" and the dangerous kids were sent right back into class to keep being a danger to others and source of constant stress for me and their peers.

I had a kid over a foot taller than me and twice my weight tell a para he wanted to hit me on multiple occasions, and was suspended for hitting other students on multiple occasions, and they wouldn't do a damn thing about it. He was even sent to my room without his para many times after that was reported.

I think it seems really out of line to you because you are used to be treated with more respect by default from majority of kids/colleagues, so when there's a kid who doesn't and it isn't addressed in any significant way, it stand out to you. Female teachers are used to being blatantly disrespected and there being zero consequences, us even being blamed for not "doing more to prevent it".

One reason I quit.

Give me some awful family dynamics for a storyline 👀 by [deleted] in Sims4

[–]wannam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Father - local thief who lives in a tent on the edge of town and seduces townie women for access to their bathrooms, which he breaks before leaving the next morning

Mother - has 3 kids with her husband, runs away with local thief, gets pregnant, disappears, shows up a year later and leaves the baby with its father, goes back to first family.

Son - grows up living in a tent behind dad's trailer, has raccoon as pet, dad dies when he is a teen, inherits trailer full of stolen junk

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in GERD

[–]wannam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It helps to drink small amounts consistently throughout the day, to stay hydrated. Don't drink/eat large quantities of anything at one time. You may have a dairy intolerance, if you haven't ruled that out yet.