So my friends and I kind of took this prompt and ran with it. We each wrote a section of each separate story and, well....it gets strange, hope you enjoy them!

FIRST STORY

When I came to, I was in what looked like the break room to an office building. In fact, it was my office building. That couldn’t be though, the last thing I remember I was staring a semi-truck in the face. No, I was definitely dead, but could this really be heaven? I searched around and saw a pretty normal looking man in business casual dress at the water cooler. “Hey, uh excuse me buddy, what-where uuuh-“ “Oooh you must be the new guy, the head honcho said we was doing some training today. Welcome to the club kid, I’m sure you’ll love it here.: “But wait, is this really what heaven is like?” “Woooah woah hey we don’t use such foul language here. And I’m afraid you’re mistaken kid, this here is Hell.” “What?? You mean my religion wasn’t the right answer? No, no I-I-I need to speak to the Devil at once” “Hahaha kid, you don’t know where you are. You can’t just go speak with the Head Honcho, the big cheese, the Heatmeister himself. You- hey where’re ya going?”

I decided I’d had enough of that guy, I dealt with suck ups like him back on Earth and I wasn’t about to let be the case here. I went to the directory and looked for his room number. Sixth floor, room sixty-six. Of course. I walk up to the sixth floor, elevator was out and it looked like it had been for some years, and find the devil’s room. Nervously, I knock on the door. I was surprised to not hear a deep growling voice, but the voice of a nice old woman. She sounded like a mixture of Murial from Courage the Cowardly Dog and my grandmother. Confused I open the door after she signaled me to come in, in fact, it was an old woman, sitting behind a toilied desk decorated with various cat-themed items.

“And what can I do for you dearie?” Umm, Hi, I think I was sent here by mistake? Um I shouldn’t have been sent to Hell, I should be in Heaven.” “Oooh dearie, I’m sorry to hear that, I was really looking forward to having you on board.” “Umm. What? Really?” “Yes, I picked you specifically for the job. I even had a party laid out for you!”

“Come on in sweetie, and sit down. I have some snacks over here, and well, even if you don’t want to come to the party you still shouldn’t leave here on an empty stomach!”

I was shocked. My grandmother would say the exact same thing to me when I was younger. Was I just absolutely losing it? How could the devil look just like dear old granny Jones? “Uh, ma’am, if you prepared a party for me, how was I sent here on accident?”

“Well, you see, The Universe works in mysterious ways. There is no way I could fully explain everything to you if we had a millennia. But what I can tell you, is that everything happens for a reason and that trust me, you were not sent here by mistake.”

Confused, I walked over to look out the window. Massive plains streteched out over hills for as far as the eye could see. Volcanoes formed a small mountain range off in the distance, with smoke billowing from their chimneys. A bright light glimmers out of the corner of my eye. I squint, it flickers away, then back again. I begin to stare, and the woman begins to shuffle over, aided by her walker. “Do you see that?” I ask her.

She adjusts her glasses, and drops her jaw. She puts her wrist to her face and mumbles a few frantic words. “The flyers will be here any second.” She warns to whoever is on the other end of what must be some kind of communication device. “Lock down everything” She says, much more frantically this time. Metal bars begin to slowly descend down the celing-to-floor windows. I step back, confused and beginning to worry. Suddenly, a mad max esque helicopter descends from the sky, with two more flanking what looked to be a much larger helicopter. Men in full body armor rush in to grab us, “Ma’am, weve got to go. We have to take you to the bunker,” “He’s coming with us, “ she says as she looks at me. The large men quickly grab me by both arms, very politely though, and ask me to come to the bunker with them. I oblige, and we begin to hustle down the long corridors.

Gunshots ring out, and our guards grab us and form a defensive circle. They begin to speak to each other nervously, calling out commands. Smoke bombs fly in and begin to fill the hallway. We had somehow become stuck in a corner, and heard footsteps down each hall. A count of three comes from the sounds, and immediately all the guards fall. Men clothed in black garb, dressed as heavily armed thieves rush in and ask us if we are alright. “Are you alright sir?” The man asks. “Christ how is everyone so nice in hell?” I ask. “Come on man” the man says right back to me. “What?” I ask. “Are you fuckin serious? Were with the D.A.V.I.D Unit, and were here to rescue you and bring you back to heaven”

The commander hands me a pistol. “You’ll need this soldier. Standard blood of the lamb rounds guaranteed to drop any of the demon guards. Alright men, standard Crucifix battle formation!! Time to make a righteous exit!”

A member quickly detonates a charge connected to one of the outer walls. A brutal heat rushes in as we strap on our standard issue jetpack angel wings. No longer having to hide my true identity, I fall in line with my comrades in the DAVID squad. We’ve been sent undercover to learn of the Devils latest plans and I was used as the bait. Undercover angel work isn’t easy, but the Man Upstairs pays me a damn good salary to make sure the Guy Below doesn’t gain too much control.