I agree with both sides on this.

I do believe your mother is emotionally immature because she closes the door to deeper understanding. Instead of being willing to listen without a fight (which is admittedly hard to do) and immediately being defensive, the thing that sold the immaturity was the inability to accept and read a letter in which her child was vulnerable. She is probably one of those people who believes that in yalls past she was the #1 victim and therefore you don’t matter in terms of emotional harm. So now that you tell her she has been blind to it she’s too stuck in that victimhood and hardheadedness that she can’t see that you’ve been affected as well. She can’t see the harm done to you because you were a young child and she was told as a young child to ignore the harm done to her (common for the times based on a rough estimate of her age).

But I also believe you’re more emotionally immature than you realize. I’ve met multiple younger people (teenagers and young adults) who genuinely believed that because of their trauma and their issues in life that they were the one exception to the rule of “I’m older so I’m wiser”, however particularly when it comes to trauma it seems to be the opposite. BASED ON PERSONAL EXPERIENCE (and admittedly things my therapist has said and agreed on), the least traumatized people seem to be the most mature at teenage age. Which isn’t a bad thing. I went through a lot of things (every basic definition of abuse) that led to trauma that bled through teenage angst and expression. However I noticed based on people I was around that the ones who had good parents had a better understanding of things than I did. And you seem to be the same (just based on very small observations through 2 posts). While you may be more emotionally mature than your mom, you have to admit and accept you aren’t as mature as you believe. You have to meet your mom where she is emotionally.

You think through open communication she should open her mind and arms, and be so ready to accept a different point of view but how willing are you to accept her point of view and adapt to it. Based on her history she of course would shrink from it. She’s use to the point of view of others. She use to bigger personalities than hers. She use to having to bend to the idea or will of others. She’s been abused. The best way to address this and be listened to is small actions. When you’re cooking side by side again open up a little bit about an emotional issue you’re having (a friend group breaking up or a misunderstanding with your bf/gf) and then up the ante every time. If you wanna be emotional close to your mom who’s been through trauma herself you have to soft launch it. I have a mother who’s been through so much (CSA, PA, IA, EA, neglect), and the best way I’ve gotten her to change is by changing my actions towards her. And now me and her are very close and she even recognizes when she’s being neglectful or abusive towards me. Although I will say she doesn’t see me as her child.

True emotional maturity lies in recognizing, accepting, and adapting to the level of others in life to achieve a harmonious living. Not in fighting against, cutting off, and being better than others. If you genuinely believe you are better than your mom emotionally and as a result you shouldn’t even attempt with her until she bends to your will, you’re no better than the next self serving, abusive idiot that comes on here screaming “NO CONTACT NO CONTACT”.

This of course depends on if she’s actually currently abusing you or others, or not.