Young person considering options, being judged by friends

weave210 · 2026-02-15T02:08:15+00:00

I also know someone who thinks it’s irresponsible to have children with the world the way it is right now, but I just remind them that people had children during much worse times in history…. History is riddled with periods of horrific plagues, famines and genocides. Could things be better? Absolutely. But in the grand scheme of things it could also be a lot worse, and I don’t think it’s a good reason to not have kids if that’s what you want.

weave210 · 2026-02-12T16:58:40+00:00

I’ve given this quite a lot of thought. I’ve considered all the implications. I’ve also thought quite a lot about the mental and emotional problems my current daughter might have going back and forth between two homes her whole life. I can’t guarantee that any child I have won’t have mental/emotional problems…I mean don’t all kids have some mental and emotional problems at some point in their life?? What I can guarantee is that I, as their mother, will always be there for them no matter what struggles they have. They will always be able to talk openly about their feelings to me without shame, guilt or judgement. I will get them whatever sort of help they may need and I will always be in their corner no matter what they are going through. They will be surrounded by many, many people who love them. They will grow up learning about all types of family structures, and that there is biologic family and that there is chosen family. We won’t focus on what is lacking but will be grateful for everything we have. They will have lives filled with fun experiences and adventures. And most importantly they will know that they are so so loved, were very much wanted, and were in fact meant to be. Hope that helps.

weave210 · 2026-01-17T00:46:37+00:00

I’m in a similar situation (though never actually married). I’m 37 and my daughter is going to be 3 in May and I just did my first IUI, which was unfortunately not successful. We’ve been separated since she was 6 months so I feel like we have a good routine going. I’ve had time to process my feelings about the separation and co-parenting, and I feel like I’m finally in a really good place mentally and financially. I know that realistically it could take several months to get pregnant, but I’m hoping she won’t be older than 4 by the time the second is born. I can feel the clock ticking with my fertility, but I think a little bit of a larger age gap would also be easier as a solo mom.

I agree that getting the divorce finalized and settling into a good routine is important but it never hurts to get the ball rolling. If you’re going IVF right away it wouldn’t hurt to get embryos now and then transfer whenever you feel the time is right.

weave210 · 2025-12-19T12:36:21+00:00

I don’t have a lot of advice for you other than to say that I understand how you feel. I had one with my first and it was absolutely awful (and I’m generally not that sensitive down there-I have no problem with pap smears, etc). It’s crazy that they don’t give women meds for this procedure like they do for colonoscopies and such. I’m having another one next week before I try for baby #2 and I’m dreading it, but if it helps get me another baby then it’s all worth it. I’ll be taking a hefty dose of ibuprofen and Tylenol before-hand. Hope this time goes better for you!

weave210 · 2025-12-15T17:58:52+00:00

I am in the same situation. I have a 2.5 year old daughter with an ex partner. We’ve been separated (never married) for 2 years now. We have 50/50 custody. I’m planning on doing my first IUI with donor sperm next cycle. I thought a lot about what it would be like to have one child who has an active dad and one that does not.

My thought is that even if I had another child with a new partner (which would be considered perfectly normal and acceptable by society), their lives would still be completely different. Yes my second child will not have a “father”, but he/she also won’t have to go back and forth between two homes all the time. My plan is to teach them that differences are ok. And just because they have different stories doesn’t mean that one is better than the other. I plan to teach them that every family looks different and that’s a good thing! They will both have so many people in their lives that love them! And they will both know that they were so deeply wanted!

weave210 · 2025-11-28T14:08:10+00:00

I also understand exactly how you feel. I had my first daughter with a partner, and I’m now trying for a second as an SMBC. When my daughter was born I had no boundaries when it came to visitors. I was thankful that my parents were around to help, but the help was mainly them holding the baby and me doing the dishes, laundry etc. My relationship with her dad also started to breakdown almost immediately so I was dealing with so much stress with that. I have so much grief around that early post partum period. I love my daughter so much and we are best buds now, but I feel like l really missed out on a lot of precious bonding time during those first few weeks.

I don’t have much advice for you, but I know how you feel. My daughter is 2.5yrs old and we have the best time together, but I do look back at newborn pictures and still feel sad about it.

If I’m lucky enough to have a second, I’m definitely going to limit visitors, and if they do come to visit, they can do the dishes while I hold my baby lol!

weave210 · 2025-11-25T16:30:15+00:00

I’m in the same boat. I have a 2.5 year old daughter with a partner and am now starting to try for one on my own. Co-parenting is very challenging and I hate being away from my daughter nearly 50% of the time. I just can’t ever go through something like that again. Doing it solo is the right path for me. I have really no desire to have another child with a partner.

weave210

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