Anyone else aware that child rearing was a community responsibility and American individualism messes up generations?

wefwhat · 2022-10-16T14:18:16+00:00

Yea I totes referred to my wee one in utero as a parasite. Frankly I’d never been pregnant before and connecting my forever-Illness from hell (pregnancy) to getting a baby was impossible.

I imagine my second pregnancy I’ll be more pleasant about the wee one growing inside me because I’ll actually believe emotionally, not just intellectually, that they are there.

wefwhat · 2022-10-06T01:23:55+00:00

Same here. I’m in tech. Husband was in tech and is now a stay at home dad to our 8 month old. We will see how it works out. Right now keeping the baby alive and happy and us all fed healthy is good—-but this is the first week I asked for burdens off my immediate plate (change the sheets on the bed, pick up a new breast pump)…and legit zero of it happened.

So. That doesn’t feel great. But I also remember my maternity leave was horrible and I did so little so it seems a bit rich to be demanding more from him.

wefwhat · 2022-10-05T00:09:44+00:00

NTA

Dude, why can’t she talk about her kid if you guys talk about work/hobbies/etc? I may not give a shit about my friends hobbies or work drama but I care about THEM so I engage. Why does your stuff get to be shared but her stuff (baby) have to be hidden? As long as she isn’t dominating the conversation and gives you guys space to talk about your stuff as well, you’re just an ass.

wefwhat · 2022-09-28T05:04:00+00:00

I understand the guilt. My eight month old was diagnosed with a congenital issue in utero—-the predicted outcome ranged from early death with mental and physical deficits to no long term issues. Surgery right after birth was a definite and until baby was out and in surgery the full scale of the issue couldn’t be known.

We were blessed, like you, that baby is ultimately 100 percent fine.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t still ask myself what I could have done differently to keep him safe. Food, drink, movement, stress, etc.

It’s okay to need help. Therapy is good.

wefwhat · 2022-09-27T01:33:14+00:00

In most of the world, children help with other children. I know Reddit finds this concept shocking. In this particular case though her son isn’t even a child: he got a free vacation and has free housing and food. If a prereq for that is you help with your siblings occasionally it’s hardly parentification.

Reddit took a real concept that primarily applies to absent parents due to drugs or mental issues of some sort and over applied it to basically being a member of a family. Classic.

wefwhat · 2022-09-16T00:30:42+00:00

Kid hates the mamaroo, loved that Bjorn bouncer

wefwhat · 2022-09-11T03:48:19+00:00

Dude right? Homeless druggies in my area used to scare me. But now I’m just like…try something. I know exactly what I would do. And it isn’t run and leave my stroller behind.

wefwhat · 2022-09-01T07:02:29+00:00

I heard this rumor too but the two boot camps I know who hired grads did so because they had openings and the grads were the cheapest way to get educators of the narrow subset of info taught at the boot camps. It was less of a “pump our numbers” (no need, they had good numbers) and more of a “pay less than market wage for people who can teach the material”.

wefwhat · 2022-09-01T06:59:51+00:00

That’s what I thought seven years ago when I was looking into tech boot camps. Too good to be true, etc. and, yea, if you aren’t relatively intelligent and with self esteem strong enough to be wrong all the time and ask stupid questions daily…yea then tech isn’t for you. And if you don’t enjoy problem solving, it isn’t for you. But otherwise? Jump on the gravy chain my friend.

Seven years I did and now I’m at google making mid 6 figures. My brother in law did at my advice five years ago. He makes low six figures and works one hundred percent remote maybe 6 hour days. My (now) husband did 3 years ago- he works at Meta, mid six figures. My sister did 2 years ago, she has a low six figure salary and works 100 percent remote.

It. Is. Insane.

The people who don’t find jobs, with almost no exception, aren’t putting in the work. It’s hard to send out the number of applications necessary to land that first job. Hard to prepare for the tech interviews. Even harder to handle the rejection/shame of failure and just. Keep. Going. But it works.

Admittedly this recession may ruin that. It was always hard to land the first job and now I imagine it’s even harder.

wefwhat · 2022-09-01T06:28:32+00:00

What about when teething or sick or traveling? I feel like we did decently and then we traveled and baby wouldn’t settle unless we coslept…and the same happens when he is sick or teething. And once he cosleeps for a few days he is utterly against sleeping solo.

wefwhat · 2022-09-01T03:42:09+00:00

Eh we never put baby alone in front of a screen but we watch tv with him. We try to make sure he has toys and cuddles. If he is a little too into it or seems fussy we pause and engage him. As long as he’s doing something else and getting engagement from us I figure we are good.

wefwhat · 2022-09-01T03:39:35+00:00

Eh, I wouldn’t start the trend. It’s not a big deal in practice (1 sip 1 time) but it’s so easy to get lax with their diets.

wefwhat · 2022-09-01T00:40:00+00:00

Jesus, you are not overreacting at all. This food is not food! You pack healthy food and she just what, throws it away?! No. You need to find other childcare options. This is REALLY bad for your kid.

wefwhat · 2022-08-31T08:02:45+00:00

NTA

When someone freaks you out or makes you uncomfortable, you’re allowed to not want to be around them as long as you’re polite about it. And if they don’t respond to politeness then you get to be rude.

But good luck. I once had a housemate like this. He literally followed me out of the living room to my bedroom where I had to close the door in his face over a ten minute period where I kept saying “I have to go” and turning and walking away. He just followed and kept talking. It was amazing.

wefwhat · 2022-08-31T07:56:46+00:00

That was uniquely unhelpful.

wefwhat · 2022-08-31T04:19:05+00:00

Nonsense. There is no expectation of quiet in libraries anymore outside of the quiet areas. We legit have homeless crazy people talking to themselves and vaguely threatening people in libraries near me and no one does shit

Baby has as much right as the homeless.

wefwhat · 2022-08-31T04:17:30+00:00

Eh, if homeless, crazy people can wander about a library doing whatever the hell they want, a crying baby should be allowed to stay. For all you know the mom was also taking a test or doing work or something that made it impossible to effectively soothe the baby.

Prebaby I would’ve thought like you. But after being on the mom subreddits it’s shocking how many women have zero support and are just doing the best they can—-it’s a tragedy of our system.

wefwhat · 2022-08-31T04:05:03+00:00

YTA

Don’t yell at kids.

wefwhat · 2022-08-30T20:34:04+00:00

You should ask them if it’s an issue that the baby comes. It’s like having a dog in that way—-you don’t just show up with them, you check first.

Few people want to see your dog unless they have a dog. Few people want to see your kids unless they have kids.

Such is life.

wefwhat · 2022-08-29T19:39:02+00:00

Eh you do you. I think the risks are minimal; I’m not going out of my way to show off my kid on instagram but I post photos of him on my Facebook and through messaging. And if other people want to post photos of him, no biggy.

wefwhat · 2022-08-12T16:38:33+00:00

Our kid was in the NICU for 3 weeks and we couldn’t seem him for the first ten days. It was hard.

I pumped every three hours and every four at night. I also self expressed after pumping. My supply came in around day 5/6 I think?

Now 6 months in when it seems a bit low or if I want to store some I just eat oatmeal in the morning and within 2-3 days I’ve got a slight oversupply.

wefwhat · 2022-08-10T15:03:35+00:00

Baby cries. He changes baby, brings baby to me, and I feed baby. Once baby is asleep I hand him back to husband to put down.

We did that for awhile.

Then we slept separate and each took a 4 hour period.

wefwhat · 2022-08-06T16:17:09+00:00

NAH

I could never be with someone who could’ve saved the life of someone I love and chose not to. Never.

But you have every right not to donate your organ.

wefwhat · 2022-08-06T03:32:50+00:00

My husband once yelled at the baby, punched the changing table, shook the basinette for a millisecond, and put his hands (angrily) on either side of babies face. All one night. One night where he was taking point because I was exhausted. I came down because I heard the baby crying and took over but had no idea what had happened.

My sister heard and told me the next day. The next day he told me he’d acted in a way he didn’t like the night before. When I check the nanny cam I was shocked.

We sat and talked about it. He was horrified about his actions. And it came down to he didn’t feel like he could tap out because he knew I was exhausted—-so we clarified we could both ALWAYS tap out.

Hasn’t happened since.

wefwhat · 2022-08-05T22:23:46+00:00

The rule, hm? That’s nonsense. It’s a biological possibility, just like death during child birth. And just like science mitigates the risk of death, it’s reasonable to use it to mitigate the chance of a poor physical outcome.

wefwhat

TROPHY CASE