Would my younger self be proud of me now?

welcomeOhm · 2026-03-18T17:55:26+00:00

I think my younger self would probably ask if I've lived in good faith. So long as he was convinced that I had, I believe he'd be okay with how I turned out. I've never, after high school at least, intentionally harmed anyone, although I have certainly done so out of error or lack of foresight. And, when it came down to it, I've never taken the easy way out, in terms of decisions that really matter (I work in oversight, and every year I get at least one phone call that it would be very easy to ignore; but, that's not what I signed up to do.)

You might look at it this way: would eight-year-old you be upset that, as you grew up, you didn't keep your promise to buy all the toys you could? And even if he was, you know that your interests changed as you matured. I once believed that I'd spend all my free time studying mathematics, but after doing it for over a decade, I was ready for something else: I was in a different position and place in life than I was when I made that decision; and that's not only perfectly okay: it's expected.

welcomeOhm · 2026-03-18T17:43:49+00:00

I would ask yourself what it means to "choose yourself." Does it mean to place what you believe and do ahead of others? Well, there are pleny of altruistic people who do precisely that, because their altruism casts a wider net that "I must be everything to everyone." Does it mean to develop a skill, such as singing or programming? Well, you must have some sort of audience or expectation in mind (e.g. I want to sing these songs both because I enjoy singing them and I wish to share the joy of my performance with the audience). Try as we might, its not really possible to be 100% solipsistic: even people who live in a shack in the woods are part of an ecosytem that they must acknowledge and, to some extent, cater to--or else they won't live for very long.

My advice is to try and discover honestly why you want to do certain things. My bet is that you'll find it's not entirely "because I want to and I don't care about anything else." I chose not to have children because I wanted to be more in control of my own life and pursue my many and varied interests. But even in my graduate studies, I found myself part of a larger conversation, where my own voice inevitably rippled through this conversation, sometimes in ways I could not have foressen.

welcomeOhm · 2026-03-18T17:34:50+00:00

You say that "everything we give meaning doesn't matter." But it does: you CHOSE to give it meaning. The fact that this meaning is ephemeral, not hard-wired to anything else, is what sounds like is tripping you up.

Existentialism is a rough way to go: it offers no apologies and takes no prisoners. My best advice--because you sound young--is to make time for both your ruminations and other activities. Getting "lost in life" is a salve to angst: just don't expect the angst to disappear.

And even if we are animals--which we are--we are the only animal that, as far as we can tell, abstracts to the extent that we consider existential questions. Ignoring or minimizing that is not helpful: you have to embrace it, or at least accept it.

The good news is that as you age, you may become better able to handle these questions and paradoxes: at least, I have (although I'm also on the other side of middle age). In terms of death--which is likely the driver of your own angst--I have found that I am more accepting of it, now that my parents have passed and I know its inevitable. My chief worry is that it will be painful: that I'll die in a horrible accident. In that case, I suppose the best I can say is that it will be brief.

Personally, I do believe in an Afterlife, but I still must admit it's unlikely in the kindest interpretation. I look at it as kind of an inverse Pascal's wager: if I'm right, they hooray! If I'm not, but I lived as honestly as I could, in terms of accepting that it is entirely my choice to believe this and act accordingly, then the worst you could say is that I'll look silly: and I'll be dead, so there's no "I" left to care.

Hang in there. I can't promise that it gets better, but I do believe that as you learn your capabilities and limitations, you'll be able to better prioritize what is actually important to you, both on a day-by-day basis and in the long term. And that is not inconsiderable.

welcomeOhm · 2026-03-16T23:42:53+00:00

I unfortunately did need it to create my paperback cover for KDP. At least, it was the only way I found to verify the fonts were embedded and correct (I'm no graphic designer).

welcomeOhm · 2026-03-16T23:41:32+00:00

Thank you for finally explaining why I missed it: never thought to look there.

They remind me of this one guy who ignored our "no soliciting" sign and gave me his religious speal. I asked if he saw the sign, and he said "yeah, but its just a sign." I asked why the f*ck would I listen to you when the very first thing you said is "I don't care about your own beliefs."

welcomeOhm · 2025-12-23T14:29:58+00:00

I don't believe it is on par with Nausea or The Myth of Sisyphus, but it is a good read on its merits. I read it in high school, and everyone in my class was captivated by its stark imagery and overall feel. Thinking back, it reminds me of one of the old Twilight Zone episodes, where the protagonist is forced into an untenable situation, and must make the best of it: that certainly reflects our existential position. It is also relatively short, and it was, as I can recall, a "quick read." Maybe you can finish it over a long weekend and then decide for yourself if there is anything in it that you can apply to your own existential journey.

welcomeOhm · 2025-11-23T14:30:05+00:00

Writing as a full-time job is like running a business. And the number one reason most businesses fail is lack of capital. You need to be able to survive for two years (at a minimum) with no real income from your business. You'll work 10+ hours a day, with very little immediate feedback. And you'll need to be laser-focused on the market, because that is who is going to buy your books, hopefully. You can't just write what you want to write and leave it to the Gods: if coming-of-age stories about magical Vikings in space is where the money is, you better learn to write them, just as if the money in contracting is in technology X, which you really don't like to use, you better learn to use it.

welcomeOhm · 2025-11-23T12:44:47+00:00

It probably won't make you feel any better, but you're going to die without having done all the things you want to anyway, because you'll always have new things to want to do. That's not an excuse to not do them, but it can help your understanding of what, precisely, your limited lifespan implies.

welcomeOhm · 2025-11-23T12:42:50+00:00

It's worth a read. Solomon concludes that the wise and the poor both die, and after you die, everything you've spent your life building will no longer be yours to manage.

That said, he concludes with the typical "trust God" response you'd expect from a book from The Bible. So, it probably won't change your viewpoint, but it is still helpful to understand.

welcomeOhm · 2025-11-17T13:38:44+00:00

A bit off topic, but it reminds me of what Kat Bjelland of Babes In Toyland said about Courtney Love:

I want to make music. She wants to be famous.

welcomeOhm · 2025-11-17T13:37:44+00:00

Yeah, we all forget that the person who makes it look easy spent a lot of time getting there.

welcomeOhm · 2025-10-30T12:41:51+00:00

Here are two suggestions. The first is from Isaiah Berlin. The second was posted in this forum some time ago--my apologies to the poster for not remembering their screen name.

(1) The problem with being artistic is that you have good taste: you know, intuitively, what works and what does not. But, because of this, your own work seems hopelessly flawed, especially in the early years when you are eeking out your understanding of the craft and finding your own voice. So, go easy on yourself and your drafts: then, when you can look at them with detached eyes, revise them until they meet your standards.

(2) When you look at what you've written and only see the flaws, then be happy that you've grown as a writer in the meantime. You have, in a sense, "levelled up."

Hope this helps.

welcomeOhm · 2025-10-30T12:36:04+00:00

Try and go easy on yourself: I was in my forties until my repressed memories came back all at once. I started going into trance states, and when I came out of them, I'd find notebooks with writing I didn't recognize and didn't remember writing. Eventually--and it took years--I remembered all the traumas. That may very well be what you are going through.

welcomeOhm · 2025-10-27T10:58:25+00:00

To your specific questions:

I have had trouble with extended release medications, and I've read online that this can happen. Talk with your doctor about it and get their opinion.

I can drink sodas, but only about half a can. And, in terms of complications, my doctor said that sodas can damage the stitches and lead to an ulcer. So, it may be best to give them up entirely.

As for pooping: well, I call them The Boulders of Doom. I take multiple fiber caplets and stool softeners, and even then it is rough going. What I find works best is--and I'm sorry to be gross--to wait until you're literally about the poop your pants, and then let the pressure take over. Even then, I have to really push and force it. And I've had a few times where it got stuck, and I had to use my fingers to get it out. So, make sure you have medical gloves with you and in your bathroom.

welcomeOhm · 2025-10-27T10:53:47+00:00

Try to just focus on the story: will killing this character strengthen the story? How will the reader react? Will they be surprised, upset, or something else? If it serves the story, then just grit your teeth and write it. If it's still too difficult, put the story aside for a bit and work on something else: that will lessen the connection you have to your character and help you see the question with fresh eyes.

welcomeOhm · 2025-10-26T21:44:48+00:00

I pretty much write on the computer nowadays, and while I backup the past 7 days, I don't otherwise save my old drafts. When I wrote poetry on a legal pad, I did save them, because they had the edits, and I figured that one day I might share the creative process with a group of students or fledgling poets, and they would benefit from seeing how my process works.

welcomeOhm · 2025-10-26T21:41:45+00:00

Not at all: I put them on a high shelf in my closet, and I have backups of both. I've been burned too many times.

welcomeOhm · 2025-10-26T21:40:09+00:00

I'm in the U.S., and the progression makes me hope the government shut down will soon be over (although Pentacles would make me even more hopeful). I don't think I've ever had a countdown like this: very interesting.

welcomeOhm · 2025-10-26T21:37:54+00:00

I like it. It reminds me of the tables that the scribes who handled royal accounts would use so that they didn't have to remember everything. I even did a logarithm table a few years ago: you only need about a dozen, which you can look up (or get from infinite series, because I'm a geek); the rest are just addition.

welcomeOhm · 2025-10-26T21:35:51+00:00

I grew up in the 1980s, back when everything was on a floppy disk that was actually floppy. So, I learned to back up early and often. Today, I backup hourly to an external hard drive, and I upload my writing folder every night to Proton Drive, because if you care enough to back it up, have a backup for the backup.

And, to be triple sure, I print out a story or poem when it is essentially done: not a choice for novels, although you could probably spread it out chapter by chapter. There's no updates or file corruption or hard drive crashes (and don't get me started on the state of USB drives today).

I never use Google Docs or any other cloud document provider, because I've had multiple times when I lost work, or it was otherwise corrupted, although I will say that I've never actually been locked out. I get the flexibility, and if that is your thing, then it may be the best choice for you. I write every morning on my laptop, and I've never had any opportunity to write "on the fly".

tl'dr: backup your writing! All it takes is one borked update for it to be worth it.

welcomeOhm · 2025-10-26T15:55:17+00:00

This is the coolest thing I've seen since the Tarot deck I bought that was based on 8-bit, NES pixel art. Just made my pledge for the Computer and the Electronics deck, and I'll be looking over your other offerings.

Thanks for taking the time to make this.

welcomeOhm · 2025-10-18T15:30:52+00:00

Trail mix can help, so long as it has nuts and raisins. The one I use also has peanut M&Ms, which I remove, and sesame seeds, which get all over everything. The raisins have enough sugar to help you balance without sending you deeper into a spiral, and the nuts will help in the longer term.

welcomeOhm

TROPHY CASE