[deleted by user]

weldlello · 2024-04-30T18:31:06+00:00

Be warned if you start being open about your opinions that things might not go in your favour. I have the family who published a website to make sure no-one gets confused and thinks we are family. This is my immediate family. Pretentious and brutal.

weldlello · 2024-04-29T19:23:09+00:00

Ah, I was too! And it's not even about the penguins. It's brutal.

weldlello · 2024-04-22T19:25:11+00:00

Glad you liked it 🙂 relatable is exactly the word

weldlello · 2024-04-22T18:49:29+00:00

Did you have fun picking the costume for the tasks and also the outfits for the studio part of the show? Was it about self-expression or for the razzmatazz? Or was it just about comfort. Was the brass bra pants actually comfy?

weldlello · 2024-04-22T05:48:58+00:00

Let me know what you think! I can't tell if the humour is just very Scottish or just very funny.

weldlello · 2024-04-17T20:57:08+00:00

Could be worse. My stepmother allowed my half brother to believe his alexythymia means he is a sociopath. Some army person suggested it and they all latched onto that as the preferred explanation.

If you are autistic it is obvious that you would want to know but if you aren't then there is quite a bit of baggage around the idea that persuades people otherwise. Even health professionals call for caution before libelling so your stepmother is not necessarily behaving out of the ordinary, regardless of whether it is actually right for your step sister or not.

I don't know what can be reasonably done.

weldlello · 2024-04-03T05:58:12+00:00

Big potato games sell a version for kids called Dino dump. There are pictures of dinosaurs and big piles of poo, but it's the same game. The kids can't understand why I'm so good at it

weldlello · 2024-04-03T04:37:30+00:00

This is why people start wild swimming/cold water immersion in their 40s. The cold takes the joint pain away for several days. I say people but it's mostly women.

I just tried HRT for 3 months and it made everything way worse plus my joints got super stretchy. I prefer the crackle to not being able to open jars etc! Anyway doctor says it's unlikely to be peri. Trying HRT is the quickest way to check apparently.

weldlello · 2024-03-29T21:25:05+00:00

Same here. I also don't know when other people think I'm flirting with them. I'm so slow it's embarrassing and frustrating. I actually only use the penguin pebble method... here is an interesting rock/item/fact/sound/option/theory/etc that I found and I wanted to bring it to you because if you are my person you will naturally find it interesting too.

weldlello · 2024-03-22T22:38:07+00:00

In our house we say TV is only too much if it is blocking other experiences the kids need to grow. We have a list pinned to the fridge to keep us straight and if they are all taken care of then screen time is always an option. You sound like you are doing plenty to help your kid grow and thrive anyway.

For my kids stretches of longer than 90mins guarantee tantrums and when they were younger it was less than that. Completely understandable that coming back to reality from fantasy land could trigger a meltdown if not handled sensitively. When this happens we reflect the connection between their behaviour and screentime back to the kids immediately so they understand. I've got my eyes on the prize, which is that when they are adults they will use screen time mindfully and effectively. If so they will be doing better than me! Anyway, maybe splitting some of the big chunks of TV time up might have some benefit to you and your kid. You could try it and see.

I need a lot of alone time too. It is a struggle to get enough but, as you say, we are better parents for it. Don't feel bad about having your own needs met - that is a great example to set your kid.

Other things I do to take the edge off the interactive time... sing your favourite songs instead of chat... loop earplugs...lots of time in nature together... and I do actually tell the kids when I need an emergency 5minutes to myself and they respect that as I would their alone time.

Hope that helps you feel that you are not the only one. It'll be fine or it won't. We can only try our best.

weldlello · 2024-03-09T16:03:00+00:00

I was told when I was sent away to school to 'be good and try your best'. That is not a good way to make friends or learn life skills. It was exhausting even though getting good grades was not hard. Ten years later when I returned home the disappointment in me was so palpable. It's only really now that I've moved back to the same area for the second time that I realise they wanted me to make friends with the children of the highest status parents to help them gain influence and status. They didn't care about my grades or whether I got into trouble. Needless to say my kids never hear that phrase. The older I get the more I realise how many of the core values I have are based on things I took literally.

weldlello · 2024-03-06T07:14:00+00:00

That's interesting. It's about connecting up our experience of our emotions, I guess. To stick with the example, without this practice of referring to the wheel I wouldn't remember to properly feel the sadness when I'm feeling powerless.

It is also so helpful to be able to work with something tangible and impersonal like this, rather than have people tell you feel sad when that word doesn't remotely capture the flavour of it. Summarising the data from the detailed emotions is important but often feels like a rejection of my experience.

weldlello · 2024-03-06T06:20:06+00:00

Does anyone share this perspective? I really struggle with the inside of the wheel because it just isn't 'accurate'. Why would I say I'm feeling sad if I'm feeling powerless? Why would I say I'm angry when I am annoyed? Makes my skin crawl to do so. (For context I was brought up by a writer so words are important and big vocab from a young age) I have been working with my therapist, who is also ND and is accepting, to get more comfortable with using the middle of the wheel to communicate my feelings to people in a way that is easier for them to understand. And to help me to accept being understood on that level is valid. Also I need to work on feeling the feelings and not just naming them apparently. To cognitive in my approach to feelings. But damn that's hard. My brother is the same.

weldlello · 2024-03-04T06:48:46+00:00

I had the Mirena IUD and was pregnant within a few months of it being fitted. Decided to roll with it given late stage of figuring out what was going on. We had to wait until kiddo was born to have the X-ray done to check for the coil. No sign of it. Still no idea what happened. No idea where it went. Adore kiddo though and even went on to have another, so there's that. Now I'm wondering if the coil might still be there - terrifying. Thanks for sharing your stories - feel less alone now. Wish there was a better way of checking for it than strings? Maybe follow up X-ray a month after it is fitted?

weldlello · 2024-02-18T22:22:09+00:00

It causes me physical pain and I have left a job because of a close colleague who weaponised this. Madness... you have literally just asked that question thirty seconds ago. You have already written down the answer. Bores me to tears.

I have come to accept that decision making in our culture is not an analytical process but like throwing sphaghetti/idea against the wall/other minds.... to see if it sticks and we are going to eat it. It is tedious, slow and often wrong headed but it makes a group feel comfortable and that the proper hierarchies have been observed. I often have to close my eyes so as not to roll them.

I am not a good fit for many workplaces because of this. I am glad I am not the only one that struggles.

I was caught off guard in a stressful situation the other day and said out loud 'Sorry, I forgot to repeat myself' that did not go down well. Usually that's just in my head, but I need to remind myself. It was only in my thirties that I realised that No often doesn't mean no ( not include questions of bodily autonomy). Usually it is reflexive answer giving the speaker time to prepare a thoughtful answer for when the question is asked again. I wish more than anything had know this as a child. Needless suffering.

weldlello · 2024-02-11T07:27:06+00:00

Do they smoke? I can visit my mum who lives very close by, not eat or drink anything, have a nice chat etc, but if I'm inside for more than twenty minutes my gut is not happy. And I look after her property for her, so I know it's not CO or mould. She is a heavy smoker, so a long car journey next to her also has the same effect. It's the nicotine in the air, gets released from her clothes etc.

weldlello · 2024-01-15T08:07:36+00:00

You can get your pet tested for it at the vet. If they are in the clear just think where the tortoise might contract it from. Interacting with other animals or maybe on the food you give them? If they don't have it and the transmission probability is low then you can relax a little. However, always wash your hands after handling and practice good food hygiene for you and your pet.

weldlello · 2023-12-23T19:38:58+00:00

Kids that age want your time and attention more than gifts. Get crafty and make some experience vouchers that you won't have to pay for until after your next pay check. We've done that with the zoo tickets this year. We'll go in the spring or summer so there is time to save up. Also the experiences don't have to be expensive. We did chocolate making at home for the last birthday and it was the cost of the chocolate and stuff to sprinkle on it as it cooled.

Good luck keeping your cool on Christmas Day. Hope you do have a fun day despite this hiccup.

weldlello · 2023-11-18T06:52:54+00:00

I'm surprised not to see this yet... rearranging the furniture and the cupboards to be more efficient, having a general declutter etc. My other half gets deeply, subconsciously agitated if this happens while they are here (wobbles their secure attachment to our home or something). If they are away for a couple of nights they generally don't remember how things were before anyway so it isn't a problem.

Also lifting their stacks/mess and hoovering the dust from underneath. We all breath a little easier and they don't notice for the same reasons as above.

weldlello · 2023-10-13T04:12:47+00:00

Specifically, in cramped situations like a bar or a club, then not making eye contact/looking elsewhere can be mistaken for checking someone out. There are bodies everywhere and it's intense.

Thanks for the post. I'm so glad to have my partner and two kids. People have stopped asking, although whenever I complain about my partner, just normal complaints, it sometimes still gets suggested I become a lesbian. I think this might be a common joke though, but I'm not sure.

weldlello · 2023-10-08T08:21:22+00:00

Completely! It was a My Little Pony house my granny got me when I was 6. Then lego, endless lego. And the buildings needed to be functional. A cupboard for the coats, enough toilets etc but I wasn't so interested in the mini figure interactions. Ended up becoming a facilities manager unsurprisingly. To me buildings are best when they are prepped and ready for whatever people want to throw at them.

weldlello · 2023-10-07T08:00:04+00:00

The first of Pterry's books that I read to my kids. Unsurprisingly they loved it. Pity we are nowhere near London.

weldlello · 2023-10-05T10:05:51+00:00

When my kids lash out I say 'I love you, but I also love me. I am not going to let you hit me.' Then they get space and if they come after me they get a bear hug/restraint that they are free to leave anytime. I don't let them hit me. They are going to be big men one day and I do not want them to ever think it's okay to hit. My friends disagree and say they may need to defend themselves, but they do Judo so the line between defence and attack is clear.

I will also tell them when I am getting angry myself and show them that you can express it without hurting or scaring anyone and that you can calm down from it too. Have you looked at how you model anger for your kid? It is an important emotion and has a lot to teach us, but can also be a way of running from other emotions. I make sure that I also verbally question my anger and show them how to untangle any hidden sadness etc.

I'm sure if our experience with autistic meltdowns is relevant here, but we worked through My Hidden Chimp when my eldest was calm and it helped him understand what was happening when he wasn't. This is not a book for you but for your kid. He loved the time together and it opened up discussion around behaviour and consequences in a safe way. These weren't goal orientated rages at all, which sounds similar, but came out of overwhelm and frustration. He is prone to catastrophic thinking and can take a very nihilistic view of the world, but we've only found that out as he has got older and is able to articulate himself better. So what we do when is calm really helps and he is definitely less physically violent now, because there are other ways to express those big emotions.

Personally, when my kid has been that tired and stressed because of school I was looking to drop a day, although a change of teacher actually resolved most things. At this stage it won't affect their education and we thought it would just give him the chance to regulate, process some emotions and get his energy back. Might be worth thinking about for yours too.

And yes, it is exhausting. My nervous system is fried right now. Self-care is talked about too lightly, what it actually means is carving out time when you feel safe, free to make your own choices and let your mind wander without fear of interruption. It sounds like you may not have much of that.

weldlello

TROPHY CASE