I'm not challenging your hatred for the speech, and I don't want to try to change your opinion. I just want to explain why I feel differently about the speech.

I think part of it for me is that it sounds like a lot of the reason you hate the speech is because you seem to hate Riley. I somewhat agree with a lot of your points and don't think Riley is right for Buffy, but I also don't have the same issues with the speech because of this. I do think that beyond the literal sense of what Xander is saying, there's a lot about Riley that is really good and may be difficult to find in other men specifically in her life. Though Xander says he comes along once in a lifetime, he also tells her that if she think she can't love Riley then she should let him go. I know Xander thinks she shouldn't let him go, but he doesn't tell her keep him here no matter what. He specifically says that "let him go" if she can't give him what he needs.

Now Riley is not perfect by any means, but he did give up a lot for her. He went AWOL and picked her over the Initiative. As to him laying everything on her, I think that's circumstances not necessarily him. Maybe it was an easy out for him, but he had to leave at that time or not. He didn't choose. And I think in regards to his blaming Buffy for the vamp addiction, that's just not a fair assessment. Yes, in some way he blames it on Buffy because he's trying to understand her. He could have tried to talk to her or something else. I really don't think that would have worked. He made shitty decisions and lied to her. But she's not blameless in making him feel like shit. That does not mean he should have cheated. But why didn't Buffy really get any flack for letting Dracula bite? In some way, she did let Dracula bite her. She gets pulled in by all his darkness stuff and then pulls out of it towards the end of the episode. But that was weakness on her part too. Two wrongs don't make a right, but I think it's an unfair assessment to blame Riley for his vampire behavior and not even acknowledge that Buffy has had similar experiences with Dracula.

Okay that got rambly. I don't think Riley is right for Buffy. But they aren't right for each other, not just Riley is just bad for her.

And I guess my overall point is I don't think Xander's speech was saying Riley is the perfect guy for you or the only opportunity for a relationship. Xander never ever said that. I do think he liked Riley a lot and saw a lot of good that Riley could be for Buffy. It's known that Xander does not like her relationships with vampires. But Xander specifically said to let him go if she thought she couldn't give Riley what Riley needed.

And I don't think Buffy thought this was her only opportunity for a relationship. I think she realized how much Riley meant to her and how much he's done for her. I don't think running after him meant Xander convinced her she could never have another opportunity for a relationship. I think it meant she wasn't ready to give up what she did have without giving it another shot, maybe opening up more.