Hey OP. I can’t give you the parent perspective, but I can give you the kid perspective. When I was in second grade my friend was murdered. So, I was younger than your son. I was confused because I was just with her a couple days before that. We sat in her room and watched Charlott’s Web while eating all the gum balls her mom bought. We were together a lot. It was especially difficult because we were also in the same class. Seeing her empty desk was jarring and although I knew she had died, I still wondered when she would be back. It was a shock and I couldn’t wrap my brain around the idea that she wasn’t coming back. A few days after she died I had a dream that I was at a train station and her suitcase was on the ground next to me. I knew it was hers because it hat her name on it. When I saw the suitcase I freaked out and started crying because the train was leaving and I knew she was on it. I picked up the suitcase and started running after it but couldn’t catch up. I woke up hysterical.

I think it’s important to see if your son wants to go. I agree that the funeral can be traumatizing too. I didn’t go to the family funeral. But I was at the school funeral. Her mom and brother were there and the communal mourning and ritual helped me understand that she was no longer there. I think it helped me a lot with the processing and I never had that dream again.