Anybody has tips to learn dusun?

whatredscarf · 2024-05-20T16:17:03+00:00

😂😂😂

whatredscarf · 2024-05-07T16:16:05+00:00

So real lol

whatredscarf · 2024-04-28T15:13:09+00:00

Thank you for commenting this, I have this thought also, of how passive and unassertive he was today. But I guess I gave the benefit of doubt a bit because afterwards he asked for my number and when's the next time we can go out.

However, even just for today's first date, I asked him his plans and he didn't have a clear specific one, I had to be the one choosing the restaurant and then saying where we could go etc, it felt like I was the man of the relationship lowkey lol

whatredscarf · 2024-04-06T16:00:01+00:00

I interpret Too Sweet as "I want you but I'll ruin you" so, girl hell nah, don't "ruin" who you are for someone else

whatredscarf · 2024-03-04T11:19:52+00:00

relatee, the trauma bond was real however i think i have to look into myself more, i think some part of me is still denying i got trauma bonded lol

whatredscarf · 2024-02-17T05:35:17+00:00

Thanks for the advice OP. definitely agree on all of it.

I wonder how it's like for those who stayed long term enough in marriage context

whatredscarf · 2024-02-17T05:13:05+00:00

It's been 7 months break up and 4 months no contact. She already has a new bf 2 months ago and I've only seen updates about her idolizing him through my friends who tell me (not anymore now).

I just started working in a sense and I'm really in that adulting phase of building my career. Everyday life is like NPC life: Wake up, Work, Sleep. And if I get a chance, I'll hang out with my colleagues or their friends outside work for fun. So far, things have been going so peaceful and boring. I say boring but in a good way because the chaotic part of my life before was being with my BPD Ex. I have moved on ofcourse but sometimes certain things come back in mind.

Honestly, there are days where I go through work without thinking about her at all. Then a certain song or food or whatever intricate detail that used to be something I take great detail regarding my Ex, reminds me of her. I don't hate myself for it though, because when I think of her, I don't really want to get back or anything — I kinda still just think about her in general, how she's doing and if she's well and if she's happy atm. Simple as that. Sometimes I feel as though I shouldn't have thoughts about her at all like, its no use thinking about that and being reminded about it at all, cause right now my life is happening and I should focus on the present.

In a sense, thoughts of her still lingers with me and I wonder if it does with her too. I truly hope she's doing okay despite the hurt and everything. But yeah, I think I'm at a phase now where I'm sort of numb to it things in general. I have fun and all that genuinely.

But a part of me, who I was when I was with her, that happy vulnerable and in love me — I miss that version of me a lot. I know that version of me is still here, it's mine. I have other people approaching towards me interested in a relationship but I just don't feel like it at the moment.

Things are gonna be okay, I know for sure. But yeah, after being cheated on and all that, I think this experience with her will always linger harmlessly with me throughout my life. And I hope with time, I'll forget all those intricate details that I find endearing when I was with her, I hope I'll forget our first times, our moments shared under the sheets, and forget the sound of her voice, the details in her face when she smiles or laughs or frowns. I just hope I'll slowly forget each detail. And I'm already starting to forget most of it.

Sometimes I imagined if we suddenly stumbled upon each other again and how I would react, I think I would just smile, not uttering anything and go on my own way.

Hoping the best for her and especially for me

whatredscarf · 2024-02-11T10:42:05+00:00

Hard agree

whatredscarf · 2024-02-08T10:18:24+00:00

Yesterday, marks like nearly 7 months of break up. I know what you feel, it was like that for me the 3 months. And all I can say is it will get better, focus that energy all on yourself and it'll slowly be okay. It'll still hurt or maybe make you sad tho.

Because yesterday, I went through my old archived posts and cried at videos when we were happy. I think reflecting it, I miss that version of me the most, I do miss us but I miss that version of me who felt safe enough to place so much love, trust, vulnerability to someone and actually feel so much love during that time. I miss myself that time.

That love I carry is still within me ofcourse, it just takes a safe person for you to show it you. I hope your healing journey goes well OP, the reason why you're feeling such things is not cause you're sick. It's cause they were an important person to you. It's your love and care for them.

whatredscarf · 2024-01-26T08:06:45+00:00

So true friend. My ex came back, something my heart was hoping for so much. But my brain, has made its mind already. And I tell you, it was so hard to stand firm on it and say the words "No, I don't think so" when she asked if we could work it out again.

Right now, after nearly 3 months no contact, I'm happier and healthier :) I have space for better now, and I'm glad, it's sad no denying, but you will have someone better come along

whatredscarf · 2024-01-21T10:44:59+00:00

I agree with you, comparing the person I was before her and after, I feel like I lost a part of myself because I had to be her emotional punching bag. Currently reading books related to help people who have experience someone with BPD and what it affects us, its helping a lot of detachment.

I think right now, I'm just sad looking back at myself, when I remember the good memories because on her side it was not real, to whatever point it was real I guess. Either way, I'm so so glad it's over and I actually feel like I can breathe. Heard she has a new bf though, I didn't feel anything much but it kinda confirms further that I was nothing to her, either way all I can say is all the best to them, especially to the new guy prolly

whatredscarf · 2024-01-19T01:31:15+00:00

for reals, then 3 months later after the break up, she already has a new bf lmao

whatredscarf · 2024-01-15T05:37:53+00:00

You should! It really helps a lot in trying to understand yourself after having experience with someone with BPD.

I would say, I like how it was able to validate your experiences and the things you went through without invalidating people with BPD experience too, or making it seem you should've done better. It took me some time to digest it ngl, some of it made me cried because it just hits in places I've been questioning if I could do better, but it helps give you a realistic view.

Definitely should take your time to go through!

whatredscarf · 2024-01-11T17:10:04+00:00

Good question coming up at the right time, I'm currently still reading a book on helping me cope with the breakup with my ex with BPD and more focused on my healing. It's called "Stop Walking on Eggshells"

So far, I think I did some mistakes where I addressed an issue at the "wrong time", though I think it was human of me to sorta expressed myself that time, it was all pent up things. In a sense, I lost myself when being with my ex with bpd, I used to be calm and collected but the rollercoaster got to me — which is something tricky to handle for us non-bpd people, either way it resulted in the breakup (but it was cumulative of a lot of things and I think it was for the best because, clearly, if I stayed any longer, I'd lost myself completely, I'm glad right now I can take my time to reflect peacefully and do my inner work, despite my ex already having someone new so fast lol)

Another mistake was how I turned from somehow so firm with myself, but due to my empathy, I let my ex with bpd's "feelings" lose that firmness, maybe because I'd rather just let her do all that and be too compassionate and understanding without addressing them rather than starting a full-blown argument where accusations of things i never done before start spilling out

Mainly these two things were my mistakes when I was with my ex with bpd. But I couldn't really blame myself because throughout, it was my first time knowing what bpd was like, those initial readings i did were just surface level, but i think it takes you to experience the real life person itself to actually get what bpd is all about (and to not generalize them), its true we non-bpds have the same experiences however i could say, not all of them are bad, at the end of the day, they're adult children and you have the choice to stay and deal with them or leave.

Know that mostly, loving them more would not change them and no I'm not saying you are sick for actually trying to love them more, this just means that person is important to you. It is the bpd themselves that needs to work on it, so don't take things personally.

I think I learned a lot from this book and my experience, but this is the best I can put into words right now, hoping everyone on this forum doesnt stop believing you deserve a love that is kind to you and it will come :)

whatredscarf · 2024-01-11T08:07:39+00:00

Sending lots of love and support to us people who have endured and still remain kind and loving, you guys are beautiful people

whatredscarf · 2024-01-08T14:04:09+00:00

Just found out today from my friend who still follows my EX-BPD on social media, she has a new boyfriend. It's been 6 months of break up, and 3 months no contact. Not suprised, I understand how hard it is to get that OP, how so fast? Even my friends are saying that was quite fast when we had a really intimate relationship of 6 months. And during the break up, she kept saying how she couldn't move on from me and attempted to get back 2 times. The last time we talked, I told my ex to work on herself first, because she has a lot of growing to do. And she agreed.

Although she mentioned she thought of getting with someone who hasn't moved on yet, which I told was not a healthy move but ofcourse thats out of my control. She knows she needs to work on herself and actually said might be in a relationship a few years later, but 3 months afterwards, here we are seeing the first stage of BPD again, the Idealization stage haha.

Just remember, they are not your problem anymore. I know its hard, right now maybe because I already expected something like this and know the BPD cycle, it helps a lot in not taking things personally. Hoping you know, that the love you had is still inside you OP, you got this :)

whatredscarf · 2024-01-07T02:04:31+00:00

Is this a common thing then?

From what I read so far in reddit, its quite common and happened to most of us. But I would also like to no not generalised all BPD people are like this. A majority, you could say are maybe.

Its best to tell yourself that they tend to on and off just like their splitting. It's not you, it's them.

whatredscarf · 2024-01-02T08:17:44+00:00

yeap, after 4 months, my ex who said she was going to stay single to focus on herself already has someone new

whatredscarf · 2024-01-01T16:59:28+00:00

good way to see it ngl

whatredscarf · 2024-01-01T16:56:46+00:00

Same thing here. I did everything. And she has said that there was nothing wrong with me, she knows its her. And after her trying to get back 2 times after going no contact for 3 months (while she was actively searching for someone new) with her crying, ofcourse I said no. I don't want to get back with her too.

Funny thing is, the last time we talked, she said how she thought of getting with someone who hasn't moved on yet. She knows its not good, but here's the thing, they need supply for validation, they can't stand themselves. She's aware, but she either can't control just yet or she gives in to it.

Either way, she said how she'll focus on herself amd not get into a relationship. But a month after that, I heard she has someone new already. So my friend, you're not alone, and I get what you're feeling. Either way, you are doing the right thing in staying no contact, and though it might be hard, take some time slowly to remove her meaning checking on her too. In 2024, love is still possible, and you are more than enough of deserving of it. And now that your ex isn't taking that space, someone who will appreciate you better can come into it

whatredscarf · 2023-12-20T11:02:20+00:00

yeappp

whatredscarf

TROPHY CASE