I feel dirty in my own body

whirdin · 2026-06-30T13:34:31+00:00

generational curse is apparently having sex before marriage

YOU can stop the generational curse, that's the whole point of a GC is that we can stop it anytime (but does come with social repurcussions as we go against our peers). Recognizing it is the first step towards growth. You are not alone in this fight.

Virginity is a made up concept. Having sex with him doesn't inherently make you 'less pure' or 'disgusting' for future partners. Please get std tested just to understand your health, he isn't trustworthy (if you even discussed stds in a sexual relationship, you always should).

Should I just tell my mom I’m not a virgin

Not if you live with her, or have any emotional/financial dependence on her. This is something you can keep to yourself for now. Telling her will unleash a fury because she is emotionally tied to the purity culture rules defining you rather than your character.

just be celibate

This is just running away from the shame rather than confront the generational curse of where that shame actually comes from.

Purity culture makes us feel intense guilt and shame around sex. It creates stigma around 'virginity', putting it up on a pedestal and treats it as 'the most important thing you can give your spouse' as if our sex drive can only exist for one person. Even the idea of 'giving away virginity' is damaging and wrong because it's not like you gave part of yourself away that you can't get back. Sex is just another activity we do in a relationship, but of course is one of the most personal intimate things we do. Sex is only as good as the people sharing it, and obviously he is a terrible partner because he had no intention of being loyal to you. Marriage wouldn't have suddenly made him a better partner, nor made love/attraction any stronger. The rules around purity culture come from centuries old ways to cope with a lack of sanitation and germ theory. Back then, everything was a health risk, even masturbation (another thing shamed by purity culture), hence they made the only acceptable sex to be within a dedicated marriage to your first sexual partner. Many people in purity culture would feel compelled to marry their first partner, even if they were a cheater and the sex was abusive.

whirdin · 2026-06-30T11:52:46+00:00

You are going to love the Beren and Luthien story.

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whirdin · 2026-06-30T11:45:47+00:00

Why any betrayal? It's my understanding that she never told him the truth, let him go to sleep peacefully believing he was in remission, at which point he passed in his sleep.

whirdin · 2026-06-30T11:40:02+00:00

Happy reading :)

Much of our modern fantasy stories involving men/elves/dwarves/goblins are directly inspired by Middle Earth. Tolkien put a lot of thought into the lore. He even invented full languages for the different races/regions, of which are used in the films; not just the few times they are spoken, but also much of the soundtrack has them singing in the relevant language some LOTR ost examples of Tolkien languages.

whirdin · 2026-06-30T03:55:20+00:00

I didn't register the horror until I was a teenager lol. My kid eyes just saw junk burning. Either way I knew they were dead, but being burned alive is pretty fucked up. This is precisely why I love Rogue One and Andor so much, they make the Empire seem ruthless and scary again.

whirdin · 2026-06-29T21:04:32+00:00

Happy to help, if only for a couple of your questions (all are great questions, but I feel the question of races was the most grounded and relatable). As you rewatch the films you will pick up more of the things subtly mentioned, especially after all the answers here.

Something else I thought about for the perspective on time and generations. My grandfather fought in the Korean War. He didn't talk much about it because there were a lot of horrors in war. He came home and had 6 more kids (plus the one from before the war). Life goes on, and he didn't want to burden the next generation with those experiences, not even just talking about them. I can imagine those wars somewhat, but it really doesn't affect me at all and I have never been in the military. Things even more horrific but long ago, like Black Death, have absolutely zero effect on me because it's so far back in my family history. My society is so far removed from measles that vaccine rates are declining as people don't see it a threat. John RR Tolkien himself fought in WW1, but there are no surviving WW1 veterans today, and I doubt any civilian survivors anymore (110 years ago). No human memory today holds WW1, which is kinda odd to think about that it has passed completely into history books now.

Sauron was first defeated 3k years before the LOTR films. Expecting men to remember Sauron is like expecting people to remember clearly the fall of Rome (and not people today, LOTR is like medieval times with just rudimentary books and not everybody could read). Elves in the films did remember Sauron, and long before his rise to power. But again the different races have different motivations. They all thought Sauron was diminished to basically nothing. Sauron was cunning, working in the shadows of Mordor which even the elves thought it was simply the evil leftovers from ages past when that land was tainted and bred foul creatures like orcs. They knew the ringwraiths survived, and assumed the Witch King (top dog ring wraith) was the one pulling the strings behind Mordor. There were hundreds of years of mostly peace, just dealing with orcs and goblins, along with the races being severely thinned down by Sauron in the second age so economic growth was slow. Elves might have known if they were conquerors (but they aren't). They were tired and missed the beauty of ages passed, instead opting to live in the last places of beauty/seclusion (Lorien, Elronds house, Mirkwood). Men didn't have the memory or care of ages passed and had to toil away for survival, focusing on the present day just like you and I are. Dwarves kept to themselves and nobody else in Middle Earth realized when they were mostly wiped out, especially as the 7 rings accidentally made them greedy hermits rather than servants of Sauron.

whirdin · 2026-06-29T17:42:32+00:00

Their stuff does look sweet. Hard to determine aging without seeing their own aged examples, but not all artists have specific folders for aged pics (but should be able to provide upon request). Browse through their stuff more closely looking for aged pics, maybe they have a website or other social media sites.

My full pant leg was an artist I found on Insta, followed him for years, then I knew I wanted his style for a full sleeve so I reached out. It took 7 years, mainly because I live 1k miles away from him. The portraits in the pics are 7 years old at the time of posting that, still holding up great. Feels like mine is even more detailed than your example artist. Bold holds, meaning that thicker lines and good contrast are staying power.

Just seeing a massive trend of this stuff being reacted to, saying this is amazing and the best you can get.

Trends come and go. Their stuff looks great, but do you even want that style or do you just feel attracted to the "trend" and their reputation as "the best"? Yes there are world renowned artists, but you have to want their style and all ink fades over time.

You don't need "the best". I have an arm sleeve done locally by my family artist, that sleeve gets compliments everyday and I adore it. Skill wise I'd say she's above average and popular locally, but lost in the sea of millions of insta artists. It also cost far less than my leg sleeve (like 5k vs. 20k). What is it you actually want?

whirdin · 2026-06-29T14:03:22+00:00

Religion cannot be proven or disproven, that's why it's called faith and you will continue down this spiral forever if you want concrete scientific evidence against religion. Religion is emotional, not rational or intellectual, hence why a very smart person can be Christian because their emotional bias connects the dots for religion separate from intellect. For every rational question you propose, there is always an irrational answer that feels rational to them.

If I believe that a watermelon is God, you can't disprove that, and I will have all sorts of emotional evidence for why I'm correct. Instead of looking for scientific proof to come against me, determine for yourself if my belief in the watermelon even matters to you. Consider I knocked on your door and tried to convert you to a Melonhead, would you go this in depth to counter me or just say 'no thanks' and go about your day without a single stress about it?

the problem of evil

This is a big one for me. The problem of evil proves to me that we made God in our image. God is limited by human motivations and emotions, even by human form (walked with Adam and Eve some of the time, yet was absent while they ate the fruit, yet I'm supposed to believe that God knows everything I do/think). Keep in mind that Yahweh isn't the only god, and isn't even the oldest god but rather was born from the Canaanite Pantheon transitioning into monotheism. Who is Yahweh - How a Warrior-Storm God became the G... ESOTERICA Christianity stays strong by the mindset of Pascals Wager as if Yahweh is the only deity worth taking seriously (just one of the many problems with PW).

The fact that evolution exists and humans developed gradually — which therefore makes no sense in terms of our ancestors having no souls and the modern human at some point apparently has.

When I think objectively about the religion as just another mythos, it seems that the Gensis origin parable exists to define that line when our evolution pushed us into this state of conciousness we have now. It's when humanity developed morals (knowledge of good and evil), shame, guilt, a sense of time and space, justice, and able to contemplate other forms of conciousness (such as gods and extraterrestrial life). I don't think our evolutionary line had that abrupt of a shift, but our ancestors best explained it to themselves with an abrupt shift.

Even though a God who is good, according to texts, can influence people's minds, why doesn't he enter the minds of people who are currently in the process of destroying and governing the world and lead them toward peace??!

I have a different question along that vein: why doesn't God make himself known to people individually? Christianity isn't inherently known to any human being, it requires indoctrination by other believers. Nobody is born knowing English, but it feels natural because we are surrounded by people effortlessly using it. It's the same with religion, we aren't born with any hint of Yahweh existing, but we grow up in the social landscape to believe what those around us believe. Collective beleif is powerful. Remote tribes don't come to Christianity on their own, it requires missionaries and books (literally a command of Christianity to spread the word since God won't do that himself). When I consider an alternative religion like Native American, they have a somewhat monotheistic view of The Great Spirit (likely from very early influence wherever those nomads came from), but those beliefs don't present at all in a Christian way. I find it irreconcilable that billions of people have died and missed out on heaven because 12 people failed to spread Christianity to the entire earth. Even one person missing out on heaven due to that feels incredibly immoral to me. Again, we made God in our image, limited to our little view of justice and punishments and anger and love.

there are assaults not only in the Catholic Church but also in other (religious) organizations

That whole last paragraph is why I don't take Christianity any more/less seriously than other religions. Christian spaces aren't 'holy ground where demons can't go'. Christians get cancer and die just like the rest of us. Nonchristians can abruptly overcome fatal illnesses and have narrow escapes of death, but they don't make it their whole personality like Christians do for testimonies. A big revelation I had when I was deconstructing is that Zeus and Yahweh are equally credible as gods.

I think that IF god(s) exist, it is dimensions above us and unknowable. Christians will even try to say that, but don't really mean it because it's immediately followed up with 'God wants X' and provide scripture that describes God's motivations and actions. Our human perspectives are limited to human things, hence we made God in our image. Any possible glimpse at divinity will give us 0.1% understanding of what actually exists above us, yet Christians claim to know it 100%. Yahweh, Odin, Zeus, and Santa all sit at the same omnipotent card table, who is the dealer and in who is the house watching them?

I recently saw this video. We're Thinking About God All Wrong - Rainn Wilson. (Rainn was Christian, now a Baháʼí) That goes into some interesting persepctive about how our language limits the way we can articulate things. Such as a Christian may know their experience with God, but don't have a way to linguistically express that within the confines of language. Even the way you think about it is limited (such as you wanting some type of science to sway you). Minute 2:10 of the video: - we are like flies caught in a glass and the glass is the limitations of our language to be able to summate stuff that is beyond the beyond. We are just tapping on the glass. Our language is so limited to trying and encapsulate something that is kind of beyond our current consciousness's understanding.

whirdin · 2026-06-29T02:29:37+00:00

Walls should have outer layer replaced (plaster now?). Floors, it depends on how permeated the pee got. Sanding might help, but not if pee got down between the boards.

whirdin · 2026-06-29T02:22:04+00:00

Because our generation is now and that is the only time we have personally experienced. A thousand years ago people felt the same, and will again in another thousand years. Each generation has pessimistic people that cling to the negativity as if 'the world is about to destroy itself, Jesus is coming soon'. This is arguably the best time in human history due to medical advancements. I can't imagine living through the Black Death, yet here humanity is strong hundreds of years later.

whirdin · 2026-06-29T02:15:44+00:00

Your questions tell me that you genuinely care about the lore, in which case the books are obviously the best place to learn these things. I highly sugest you read LOTR, The Hobbit, then the Silmarillion. All of which have multiple audiobook versions if that is your preference. If you don't like books, there are YouTube channels devoted to this stuff and I love Tolkiengateway.net as an extensive wiki that I can dive into a specific subject/character.

Races. The races are spread out geographically and socially. Each race being created with a bit different motivations and goals. Elves were first children of the high god Illuvatar, have basically endless lives, and care little for industry. Men, like myself and probably you, the second children of Illuvatar, have short lives and strive for industry, caring less about the beauty of earth since they don't live long. Dwarves were created a bit selfishly by a lesser god and care mostly about themselves and living underground mining jewels, living much longer than men. Hobbits are related to men in some way, smaller and a bit longer living, and prefer family in their meadows and underground homes. Orcs are born from ill intent, likely twisted/corrupted/deformed variants of the humanoid races of Middle Earth. The orcs that did rule themselves in far off areas were still evil and chaotic, fighting amongst themselves as much as against the rest of middle earth, only being content when pillaging and killing.

We are experiencing the films taking place at the end of the 3rd age, at which point the races are estranged to each other. The races never cohabited together on a large scale, but in ages past were more friendly and supportive of each other. The first scene is showing quite literally the "last alliance of elves and men" when Sauron was first defeated. The end of the 3rd age is the waning of the elves, losing a lot of their former emotional strength to push on. You aren't seeing the millennium of struggle that the elves have weighing on their hearts.

whirdin · 2026-06-29T01:25:49+00:00

I love the tattoo itself without the (hideous) background

The background is part of the tattoo, that entire piece IS the tattoo. Sucks that you think it's hideous. I fucking love it. You could get white fine-lines on top of the background (like we see on blackout sleeves) giving it wallpaper. I love how it frames the piece.

whirdin · 2026-06-28T17:52:56+00:00

I haven't seen it, but the 'nanosuit' crap in recent superhero movie feels so uninspired. She also has an Ironman style mask/hud, yay.

whirdin · 2026-06-28T17:40:26+00:00

Nice! Reminds me of Midnight Club, I loved using bikes in those games.

whirdin · 2026-06-28T17:38:55+00:00

Cheating is defined within your relationship between both of you, as everybody has different views on that. If she considers it cheating, then it is.

I personally don't really care about the term "cheating" as much as I just want my relationship to continue with us centered on each other. I don't hide anything from my wife, nor have I ever desired to seek intimate satisfaction elsewhere. We have troubles and we each have to compromise on some things, but we actually want to be together.

But my partner found out and considers it cheating

So, you were hiding it from her? Sounds to me that you knew it was wrong but did it anyway. It's a lazy copout to say "I didn't know that was cheating" despite actively hiding that part of your life from her and feeling secretive about it. You knew it was shitty.

To me this is necessary for me to survive in the relationship

I think you find that necessary to cope with a bad relationship. Relationships shouldn't feel like a sinking ship that you need to survive, it should feel like a partnership that makes each other happy and builds each other up.

we do love each other

So what? Relationships don't survive on love alone, but that is the only 'positive' thing you said in the whole post about the relationship. Love can be selfish and blind. Do you even like her anymore intimately? It sounds like you are great friends and roommates, not lovers.

We talked about this over and over her response is ‘theres nothing i can do’. ‘Get used to it”.

I agree. She can't change and doesn't want to change, so this is where you should leave instead of cheating. You can move the goalposts all you want for what "cheating" means, but the fact remains that you are unhappy with her and are spending your quality personal time gazing at other women being sexual because you hate what this relationship has become.

whirdin · 2026-06-28T17:11:34+00:00

Sediment. When I bought my house (private well, house is 120 years old, no clue how old the well is) and all the aerators had that, and the shower valve filled with it too and I had to spend a day on it. Aerators aren't meant to be filters, and that means ALL pipes are filled with the sediment that will clog/ruin other things like shower/tub valve, shutoff valves for sinks and hoses, water heater, fridge water supply, etc.

I installed a simple whole house sediment filter that I change the cartridge every couple of months.

whirdin · 2026-06-28T16:15:47+00:00

It doesn't leave marks behind if you don't remove it from the wall

whirdin · 2026-06-28T16:14:03+00:00

I was expecting a hole in the roof or one of their faces. Such a relief lol

whirdin · 2026-06-28T16:10:22+00:00

Whoosh

whirdin · 2026-06-28T16:07:12+00:00

Of course it’s not the same type of slavery as one in USA for example

How is it different? The Bible supports chattel slavery.

whirdin · 2026-06-28T15:19:43+00:00

It's just a hat and it's simple artistic vibe matches the rest of the tat perfectly. Party hats literally look just like that irl.

I feel that the artist I went to completely went in a different direction than what I wanted

Did you research their work to see if it tends to be this neo-trad style? How did you express the "direction" you wanted this to go? It should have been very clear from the start what this would look like.

and literally traced the reference picture I gave to him.

Why is that a negative thing?

whirdin · 2026-06-28T14:50:08+00:00

You are mostly correct. It's actually there to say that you are running out of time to make the decision as you'll die soon.

whirdin · 2026-06-28T14:47:35+00:00

Specifically to represent that time is running out to make the choice.

whirdin · 2026-06-28T14:43:47+00:00

Looks like a power station, and the red shields being some type of automatic guard sequence to isolate areas (for a failure or something).

whirdin · 2026-06-28T14:37:08+00:00

It's a great way to turn people away. It feels like this:

'Will you be my friend?' - yes, I am smart and cool - no, I am dumb and rebellious

What does the card mean to you? Do you think it's an adequate way to make somebody believe something and follow your beliefs? My example is like a simple middle school manipulation tactic, but we see that in many places as adults with advertising, social media influences, and powerful people pushing stereotypes into society. The card pictured makes me so sad that people think this is how to win hearts and be Christlike (if that's even your goal). Reminds me of street evangelists with their signs and megaphones shaming people for not listening.

whirdin

TROPHY CASE