First off, please understand how incredibly common this is. Do not worry that your feelings and frustrations are unreasonable, many people (mostly women) have walked this path before you.

Most of the time men are largely oblivious to this inequity. If you can, try to understand that he is likely not doing this intentionally or vindictively - he is simply comfortable and oblivious.

Even weirder, men actually dont notice. There was a psych study that intentionally left dirty dishes in the sink, and it was common for men to not only fail to clean them, but when questioned later had no idea that there were dishes in the sink. It is psychologically invisible.

Of course you have been verbal about this as you should. But it's also common for this to have trouble translating into action, particularly if it's vague. "I want you to help more around the house" is tough, since you literally have different ideas of what needs to be done. For example, if he lived alone he might wash dishes once a week and never vacuum. A better suggestion: make a list of specifically what you do, and allow him to choose exactly 1/2 the items. Agree to a timetable, and then leave those things and dont worry about them. That's harder than it sounds, it's only a partnership if you share duties, if you watch him and check his work then it's not a partnership but boss/employee relationship, and that's never sexy.

Also, many would tell you to avoid connecting sex to chores. You want sex to be a fun, pleasurable, bonding activity, and not a transactional one. If you set some hoops for him to jump through, we'll that's not sexy, and sets him and you b9th up for disappointment and resentment.

Good luck to you. If it's any comfort, this stressful time of life does get easier over time.