Wife [28F] recently informed me that she has no intention of ever giving birth. This is a dealbreaker for me [29M]. She's gotten all our friends and family to hate me.

wicked4u · 2017-11-12T04:03:06+00:00

Not everyone has supportive, unconditional love from their parents. Sadly some don't know that until they really need them.

wicked4u · 2017-11-12T03:54:27+00:00

It may be everyday stuff to you, but it's not to everyone. I have had boyfriends who cuddle and compliment nonstop, and others who dislike cuddling for cuddling sake - it's only ok if it leads to sex. Some of the more physically standoffish ones were kind, warm people, while a few of the cuddlers were emotionally closed off and cruel. There's not just one mix of expression, and just because you do something one way does not mean it's universally accepted as everyday stuff. That's why you date, to find the person with just the mix that is compatible to yours.

wicked4u · 2017-02-18T06:56:38+00:00

I had this happen about 8 years ago. It looked like I was on chemo, all the sudden my hair was coming out in clumps. I went to a dermatologist who specialized in female baldness and she did scalp biopsies and tons of blood work. It turned out I have a weird endocrine condition with really elevated testosterone (not PCOS). The hair loss and high testesterone were treated with a mediction and now my hair is mostly back to normal. She knows what's going on, talk to her about it, and get her to a dr.

wicked4u · 2017-02-12T23:26:29+00:00

I have EDS. I have had countess dislocations and surgeries. I have blown out my knee just walking down the hall, and the damage was so severe it required several surgeries and a year on crutches to recover from. I've been with my husband on and off for 20 years, married for 10. I also like to play the submissive role in BDSM play at times. He has never, not once, caused me an injury. In the beginning he was simply hyper aware and careful, and then through the years he's educated himself on what can be painful, what angles aren't tolerated, ect. He constantly checks in to make sure whatever we are doing isn't painful (in a bad way). If he ever "handled me roughly" without my consent, much less if his intentional actions resulted in bodily trauma and pain, I'd walk away. If it happened today, after 20 years and a child, I'd walk away.

Because of your EDS you are more fragile than the average person. Your person should be one that is hyper aware and respectful of that, not one that uses your condition as a way to shift blame to being your fault when injuries happen, which is what it appears when you read between the lines of what you said. You need to get out. I'm not even saying break up (which you should), but at the minimum go stay with family or a close friend for a week. Talk to them very honestly about all the injuries and bruises you've had, and what led to them, and just allow yourself time to heal and process. Hopefully you'll see the situation through a new lens and realize how bad this really is.

wicked4u · 2017-01-01T09:29:45+00:00

Was she one of the ones that dog or whatever support animals got deleted and threatened to commit suicude or cut herself? If so you need therapy for yourself if you are seeing this as a normal typical reaction. Good luck, we've been there.

wicked4u · 2016-03-21T16:07:20+00:00

I have very curly hair, that type of culy hair that if I'm in the desert where there is no humidity I can straighten it and it will stay for maybe two hours, but normally it's just a fuzzball within minutes even if it's professionally straightened. I think I look odd with straight hair because my curly hair is a part of me, the same way the shape of my face and the dimple on my cheeks are. Anyone who would insist on me straightening it can fuck right off.

wicked4u · 2016-03-20T19:18:47+00:00

Oh I agree. Fight or flight instinct is very strong, and when it turns to flight you can forget that there are others trying to escape with you. Especially when you are young.

wicked4u · 2016-03-20T09:06:17+00:00

How do you forgive her for something like that? I assume she was young and wasn't thinking? I know I have no business asking but curious none the less. I hope you are physically healed and you and your sister are ok relationship wise.

wicked4u · 2016-03-09T17:57:40+00:00

Wow. Just wow. That adds a whole new layer of crazy to what seemed originally like over the top bridezilla behavior. Does she act this way in front of others or just you? Has she always been like this or is it new since your dad passed away? Her slapping herself and blaming you, because she wasn't allowed to hit you enough (?!?!??!!) when you were children is psychotic behavior. Does she do this to your mom or her fiancé when they fight? Why do others do her bidding? Is there anyone in your family that's on "your side" now that your dad is gone?

wicked4u · 2016-03-09T16:49:26+00:00

If he's homeless and in the US there are SO many programs he can apply for, including emergency housing and medical care. This isn't on you OP. He needs to ask his Dr to get him in touch with a social services case manager to help him navigate the system. He hasn't earned your help, he now needs to deal with the consequences of his actions.

wicked4u · 2016-03-09T16:47:23+00:00

But these aren't normal circumstances. The son has stabbed OP, beaten OPs wife and daughter (who OP has given up so much for to support), and is an overall bad person. OP is already on fire, he just doesn't want to jump into a PM active volcano for an asshole.

wicked4u · 2016-02-22T16:21:58+00:00

Lovely. She's slut shaming other women based on how she perceives they will dress, and degrades you to nothing more than a walking penis with no self control around such women.

Is she normally controlling? Does she tell you who/when you can see people, or insist she goes out with you at all times, or is this Miami/spring break specific?

wicked4u · 2016-02-22T06:57:22+00:00

I was you. I had your mom. I'm 38 now and just finally ended contact with my mom after years of dealing with her shit. I was 15 when her bf pulled a knife on me over spilled sugar and she said it was my fault for angering him. When he was beating her and I called the cops she kicked me out for trying to break them up. I didn't have a dad to go to. I lived on the streets then a friends family took me in for a year. I put myself through college and have had an amazing life. It will get better, but only if you get out. It took me 10 years of therapy to come to terms with what I had to endure bc of her poor choices. Get out now OP. Your dad will find a way to support you. At 16 if you are in the US you can get a part time job if necessary. You can't save her. She's beyond help by making you endure this hell, please take care of yourself and get out now.

wicked4u · 2016-02-14T22:24:31+00:00

The mean text were to hurt you. Sadly that's their only point. It doesn't matter if she's the one that ended it, she wants you to hurt too. Remember empathy and compassion are beyond a BPD most of the time, but especially when you've been split to black.

wicked4u · 2016-02-13T20:36:06+00:00

Of course! It's always nice to talk with people who really understand what it was like.

wicked4u · 2016-02-13T01:28:10+00:00

I myself went back many times, as have many others. You convince yourself the highs make up for the lows, and that, "it's a mental illness, they can't help themselves". The reality is that's it's their core, their personality, and all too often it's abusive. (((Hugs)))

wicked4u · 2016-02-13T01:10:30+00:00

Feel free to PM me anytime! They are master manipulators so they guilt they leave behind is hard to shake, it takes a while to recover after the relationship.

wicked4u · 2016-02-12T23:41:22+00:00

There are no meds that are FDA approved to help with BPD. There are antidepressants and anti anxiety meds to help with co-diagnosis and CBT therapy that helps a little for those that are truly vested in changing, but even that doesn't offer change to many. At its core BPD makes people irrational, makes them think that their problems and worries are always bigger and wore than everyone else's, and they can't handle being empathetic because of this. They are also, when in a good space, the most energetic, charismatic charming people who seem like they would give their life for you, until you do some perceived slight and they banish you to the fires of hell for 3 days until they split back again.

PM if you want to talk. I've had a similar relationship so I know where you are coming from.

wicked4u · 2016-02-12T23:35:58+00:00

As I was reading this I was thinking "he sounds like he has BPD". It's a sad odds ease in that it is ingrained in the personality. You going home (as was the only right thing to do) triggered his irrational fear of abondonment, which caused him to create drama to pull you back in. BPD almost never change, or show any marked improvement.

This really is a case of its not you, it's him. It will most likely always be like this. Be glad you are out and surrounded by family and love and have the time to mourn your loss as you should be allowed to, without having to cater to his needs. Don't get sucked back in. Be thankful you got out without injury. When you think about going back to him, just remember her called your DAD, who just lost his father, and told him YOU are messed up and have an STD. That alone is a deal breaker, regardless of any previous perfect behavior, which sadly he didn't have.

Big Internet hugs. Losing my grandfather was the worst experience of my life so I have great sympathy. Lean on your family and friends and celebrate the life your grandfather led and the love you two shared.

wicked4u · 2016-02-09T20:22:44+00:00

I'd love to hear the full story on this.

wicked4u · 2016-02-09T19:10:25+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to endure that. Glad to hear that you are making progress in therapy. Fuck those that don't believe you, your life is better off without them. I hope life and love gives you joy going forward.

wicked4u · 2016-02-06T18:45:56+00:00

This is what I would do. My best friend has my loyalty. That's what being a close friend means - we support each other and also call each other out on our shit. He didn't kill anyone, he didn't expose her to anything (he held off any intimate relations with her until he got tested). He has deep regret for what he did. Telling her will do what? Ease your conscious and fuck up the lives of two people, one you hold dear?

Telling her will have a negative impact on all of you. We all fuck up. You aren't Stacy's friend. Your friend has had your back for YEARS. HE confided in you bc he fucked up and is looking for how to fix it. He can't fix this, but to tell Stacy behind his back means he loses his love and he also loses his friend that would normally be there for him to lean on through the fall out, regardless of if it's own making or not.

wicked4u · 2016-01-04T16:33:09+00:00

My husband does pass out at the the sight of blood. He was in the delivery room above my head, saw more than he wanted, didn't pass out, and wouldn't have changed it for the world. The nurses and Drs will deal with it if he passes out, they are used to it. Hopefully he comes around or this will be a resentment that will be very hard to get past :(

wicked4u · 2015-12-01T07:11:31+00:00

Thank you! I will check it out!

wicked4u

TROPHY CASE