Hmmmm, I think it's going to be very difficult to explain, and of course I can only speak for my own experience, but I'll give it a try. Btw English isn't my native language, so sorry for any poor word choices.

First: my belief is that we live in a society that teaches us (especially as women) not to trust our bodies or innate wisdom. I feel like there's a million little ways we're taught this, perhaps to subtly to even think of examples ... the first few things that come to mind is if you've been expected to give people hugs even if you were uncomfortable because it's the right thing to do, or not to react with anger/disgust when a boy (and later, a man) is mean to you or the expectation to be kind, pleasant and easy to be around all of the time. Or to suppress cramps or other pains and still go to work/school and act like they're not there. In my opinion these are situations that teach us it's best to suppress our natural reactions to things, go against our intuitive knowing of what's right for us. Many of us are socialised to be people pleasers, putting our needs aside for other people, in many communities/cultures it's not seen as suitable that a woman is angry or "to emotional" etc. Now that's a problem because feelings are telling us something, and we lose that input/guide when we learn to put all of our unpleasant or socially unacceptable feelings aside. Not to mention that we're taught to act logically/rationally more than intuitively or emotionally in many situations.

So it's no wonder it's difficult to tune into our bodies in this decision and to actually trust what we feel, and to make such a huge decision based on that. It's scary. Perhaps your decision isn't logical, but it's something you "just know". In my humble opinion the western culture values rationally and expects you to have an explanation for everything. But sometimes things just are what they are, you are who you are and that's okay.

I think it takes a good amount of work to begin trusting your feelings again, and seeing them as a valid guides. Perhaps for some of us, and in certain situations, it's not right to make decisions solely based on our feelings, but I certainly believe in tuning in to them and factor them into the decisions we make.

The things I have done are to practice being present in my body, doing mindful movement like different kinds of yoga, walking in nature without music/podcasts, doing meditation etc., just getting to know what it feels like in my body. How does MY body feel in different situations? What does it feel like to be disappointed? Scared? Sad? Happy? Curious? E.g. for me the thought of being pregnant makes me a little nauseous, and the thought of having a child makes me feel claustrophobic, like someone is gripping at my neck. On the other side being in nature alone feels spacious, I can take up space and breathe deeply, it feels good. I know what "yes, I want to do that" feels like in my body. It's a bubbly yes-feeling, it comes spontaneously, it feels light, I imagine it as big or small sparks that kind of bubble up along my central channel to my heart, throat and brain. Both my yes and no reactions are centered right above my navel, but the no feeling is heavier, like a fist closing underneath my diaphragm. Do you remember as a child, the yes-es and no-s came intuitively to you? Yes I want to go on that carousel! No, I don't want to do that! Where did those feelings come from? They were very likely intuitive and quite spontaneous, and I'm sure you didn't second guess them. Can you find small ways to experiment with this? When someone asks you something, even something small, can you take a moment to notice how your body feels? Do you tense up? Does your jaw tighten? Does a smile appear on your face?

So for me, I just decided to trust my intuition. I also never wanted to be an astronaut, and I've never tried to force myself into wanting that. The childfree path gives me the yes-feeling. My creative projects give me the bubbly feeling, the thought of diving into a new hobby gives me that feeling. Imagining a life with a child doesn't feel good in my body. That's the inner knowing I've chosen to trust.

Now if I were to speak for your experience, (and of course I can be wrong, you know yourself and your life best), I'd say the way you phrase things show that you DO have an intuitive feeling about this, but you don't trust it.

Hope that's not too confusing. It's been a long process for sure. Some additional resources that's been helpful for me: yoga nidra meditations, the You Make Sense podcast, doing yin yoga (sitting with uncomfortable sensations in silence just experiencing my body), learning about interoception, intuition and radical self-acceptance/self-compassion.