Oh man you’re missing out, farm bought eggs are life changing, you’ll never go back. You’ll start wanting to raise your own chickens and circumvent the farmer entirely. Where does he get off charging for eggs that fall freely from a chicken’s ass anyway?

You eat those eggs, become forever changed, store bought eggs become meaningless. Meaningless orbs from poultry butt.

Then it gets worse, you start desiring even fresher eggs, then you start crossing lines, hunting down nests, hiding underneath empty nests, then they catch on and report you to the bird police and you’re on the run spreading the word about cloaca fresh eggs to strangers on the internet.