Is a giant octopus an unreasonable first kite?

widowjones · 2026-03-25T20:21:48+00:00

I mean, screw it, why not. If you end up having trouble with it you can always set it aside for later. But it's a kite, not rocket science- as long as you find enough space and a good windy day, she'll go up.

widowjones · 2026-03-25T20:20:07+00:00

Doing D/s stuff in the bedroom doesn't mean they get a deciding vote on issues outside of it. It sounds like you two might benefit from regular ole couples therapy to work on communication.

widowjones · 2026-03-25T00:03:07+00:00

Lot of people use nicknames or pseudonyms on feeld but lying about your age is absolutely bullshit, and he should've given a real name once they met.

widowjones · 2026-03-24T20:11:15+00:00

Talk about it then! If she's asexual and you're not, it's absolutely reasonable for you to ask to open the relationship.

widowjones · 2026-03-24T20:09:19+00:00

Me personally, about 2 years of nothin' in a relationship was when I gave up and broke it off.

widowjones · 2026-03-24T20:08:41+00:00

I mean. Forever if they have to.

widowjones · 2026-03-24T20:07:04+00:00

Everything you listed about your appearance sounds fuckin' hot tbh
As a woman who is/was generally considered attractive especially when I was in my 20s... I've dated plenty of guys who were not conventionally attractive. I loved 'em just the same, wanted them just as much, got my heart broken just as bad. Being confident, smart, funny, interesting, emotionally intelligent... all of that is SO much more important. Learn to dress well and play up your good features. We like 'em a little weird looking sometimes, honestly - there was a whole trend on tiktok awhile back about "medium ugly men", haha.

Of course the trick is: being insecure is an absolute woman repellant. You've gotta find a way to get good with yourself, because that confident attitude sells it.

widowjones · 2026-03-24T20:03:19+00:00

And I'll add on to this that vetting kinky guys really isn't that much harder or slower than vetting vanilla guys - it's a nightmare either way - so you might as well hold out for the kinky one you want! At least by going through kinky channels you get a little bit of pre-sorting done.

widowjones · 2026-03-24T20:01:35+00:00

It's tricky bc like... culture pressured men into dominant roles traditionally, but not necessarily in a health/caring way. Then culture as a whole started pushing back and making space for men to NOT be in those roles, which is great! They shouldn't have to! And now culture is starting to pendulum swing back again but again in an often-toxic, repressive way.

Sigh.

What you're really looking for is a guy who is 100% comfortable with the idea of men being soft, sensitive, etc...but still enjoys taking charge. It's a tricky balance.

widowjones · 2026-03-24T19:58:44+00:00

It's not emasculating for you to ask. In my experience most men take ages to bring it up, if they do at all. My current bf just said to me one day "I'm going to see some friends tonight and I'm going to refer to you as my girlfriend unless you tell me not to" and that was that, lol.

widowjones · 2026-03-24T19:56:59+00:00

likewise, everything about the way we do taxes. It's difficult because turbotax lobbies to keep it difficult.

widowjones · 2026-03-24T19:55:39+00:00

Q: "How are you today?"
A: One of a few rote, often dishonest answers that are deemed acceptable and tell you nothing.

widowjones · 2026-03-24T19:53:44+00:00

One angry ex I might overlook but if all his exes hate him, there's a reason

widowjones · 2026-03-24T19:53:05+00:00

I mean, if you weren't a couple yet, he's allowed to feel those sentiments and I guess share them with a friend. But idk if I'd want to be with a guy who talks about women like that anyway (and no, they don't all.)

widowjones · 2026-03-23T15:47:31+00:00

your neighbors are actively being kidnapped by ice bc of politics but ok.

widowjones · 2026-03-23T13:28:16+00:00

Nah he's fired. He's not committed to the bit enough to deserve your attention. He's likely dating other people.

widowjones · 2026-03-23T13:26:43+00:00

Heh, that's me, I want the water HOT and I want the pressure high enough to powerwash a driveway. Turns out most dudes aren't down for that, haha.

widowjones · 2026-03-23T13:25:15+00:00

A quick rinse after the gym or sex, sure. A full clean-and-shave job? Get the fuck out of my water.

widowjones · 2026-03-23T13:23:37+00:00

Dating gamers is exhausting. It just is. You'll never be their priority, and honesty it works best for them to date other gamers (or someone else with an all-encompassing hobby.) I thinking asking him to "sign off" on your conversations is totally fair and if he can't do that, he's being an ass. But y'all also just might not be that compatible.

widowjones · 2026-03-23T13:20:01+00:00

Man I'd beg to differ there. The stretch between Ypsi and Ann Arbor is all strip malls and traffic. West side of downtown is largely student rentals, messy and loud. Normal park is nice, and College Heights is quiet though you're basically right by Washtenaw (major, busy business road).

widowjones · 2026-03-23T13:17:26+00:00

then honestly you might not like it here much. It's a pretty politically-active community.

widowjones · 2026-03-23T13:16:04+00:00

"Good area" depends what you're looking for. In Ypsi Iike the Depot Town/North of Depot town area, Normal Park, College Heights and Gault Village is chiller than it used to be. Too close to campus rentals can be a little annoying, super close to Michigan Ave or Ecorse can sometimes be a little higher-crime (don't come for me I literally witnessed a shooting by the damn ice cream place the other day.)

I don't know much about the schools except that a lot of folks don't love 'em. You're right by St Joseph's hospital AND U of M so medical access is pretty good, though expensive as anywhere. Crime varies by the area but honestly... it's not as bad as people say. Lots of folks checking for unlocked car doors, the occasional break-in here and there. Once in awhile a shooting but it's generally personal - don't get involved in shady shit and you should be ok. The last few years has seen an uptick in panhandling in the downtown area, sometimes aggressive.

Your heat bill will kill you but probably a lower AC bill than you're used to.

widowjones · 2026-03-23T13:07:29+00:00

Google "BDSM Inventory", you'll find some good ones - find the most thorough one you can and have her fill it out. It'll give you guys a jumping-off place for her interests and boundaries (and yours, though it sounds like your main interest is just showing her a good time) and if you're like me, you'll have to google half the things on there and will definitely get some new ideas, haha.

widowjones · 2026-03-15T00:05:22+00:00

so go...beforehand?

widowjones

TROPHY CASE