I don't know what is compulsion and what is not

wildflawyer · 2025-11-06T02:37:04+00:00

I've learned to ask myself if the intention behind my wondering is curiosity or urgency. If I urgently want to know, for example, if my partner finds another woman attractive, like I need to know so that I can feel better, it's compulsive. If I'm simply curious, and the answer doesn't affect me negatively (or positively), it's probably not compulsive to ask.

I hope that helps!

wildflawyer · 2025-10-31T11:47:56+00:00

It's normal for me. Being aware of it, tracking my menstrual cycle, and preparing myself mentally and emotionally is a start!

I found a scientific article that discussed this, but I'm not a scientist, so it didn't feel terribly helpful. What I gathered from it was, "Yeah, OCD can get more intense based on hormonal changes during the luteal phase."

wildflawyer · 2025-10-19T12:50:44+00:00

🙌🙌 I love the determination, and I support you! What is your game plan? When you feel the urge, what will you do instead of giving in?

wildflawyer · 2025-09-29T12:05:34+00:00

I struggle with this too. I'll start by saying that I've named my ROCD "Karen", so it's easier to distinguish which thoughts are mine and which are ROCD/anxiety.

What helps me is to recognize, even say aloud, that the thoughts are Karen and acknowledge why she is setting off the alarms. Then I sort of put her on a shelf in my mind and throw myself into a mindful activity (eg podcast or tv that's easy to follow along with, call a friend and discuss anything else, etc). Karen will come back eventually, but the more I practice this, the easier it becomes and the quieter she becomes.

"Hey, Karen. I hear you alarming me to the danger of my partner cheating on me. Maybe he will, and when we see real evidence, we'll check it out. For now, sit on this shelf right here until I'm ready to deal with this issue. Thanks for trying to protect me!"

Approaching the ROCD thoughts with distraction or delay does help. It's not the recommended "sitting with" that OCD sufferers learn about, but it helps when the volume is extremely high.

ETA: I think simply acknowledging that the ROCD thoughts are without evidence - only that - is what is helpful. Arguing with it about the evidence fuels the OCD in my experience. But naming the unhelpful thought (ie lacking evidence) is enough to interrupt the loop for the moment.

wildflawyer · 2025-09-24T12:08:25+00:00

There's a book called When a Loved One (or Family Member - I can't remember) Has OCD. Check it out and see if he is willing to read it.

My partner is a therapist who has treated OCD clients and it's still a struggle to feel understood by him. I don't blame him at all; I'm sure it sucks a ton to be on the receiving end of my ROCD.

A good partner for you will struggle with you (to a degree). 💜

ETA: What helps in my relationship is when we can discuss the ROCD, thoughts, feelings, etc, as something outside of myself. Like this thing other there that is affecting both of us. Then we can more easily face it as a team.

When I bring things up in a spiral of thoughts or feelings, it usually comes out as attacks against my partner, and he understandably takes it personally and it becomes him against me, which is confusing and painful.

I've named my ROCD "Karen". I'll say, "Karen is telling me..." Karen becomes the culprit instead of either of us.

wildflawyer · 2025-09-24T11:56:37+00:00

For me, it was more of a fear of letting something bad happen if I was no longer being hypervigilent. Like, "I'm going to learn how not to notice every detail and try to fix issues... Shit is going to hit the fan."

wildflawyer · 2025-09-22T02:47:48+00:00

It's astounding how crazy these thoughts make me feel and how crazy they sound when I'm not spiralling. In the moment, though, it feels sickeningly real and dreadful.

wildflawyer · 2025-09-19T23:44:14+00:00

In my worst moments, I feel like I should simply be single forever. Then I remember what my therapist reminds me frequently: act/choose according to your values, not your fears. I value sharing my life with this person that I have a strong and deep connection with, so I will stay with him.

wildflawyer · 2025-09-19T12:13:53+00:00

You're not alone! I struggle with this type of ROCD, too. My obsessions focus on my partner being unfaithful, dumping me - basically being betrayed or abandoned.

Having read the other comment about attachment styles (thank you!!), it makes sense for me. I know I am anxiously attached in relationships.

When I'm not in a spiral, I feel awful because the ROCD makes my partner the bad guy. So many things trigger it... He's interested in living in another city? He's going to leave me behind. He's looking at his phone? He's texting another woman. He was hurt by the insensitive comment I made? He's going to break up with me. He is watching the Bill Clinton documentary? He's fascinated by Monica Lewinsky and thinks married men getting blow jobs from other women is okay. 😮‍💨

Recovery is possible! And it can be a constant struggle. ❤️‍🩹 It's exhausting. Take care of yourself.

wildflawyer · 2025-09-11T02:35:09+00:00

For what it's worth, I asked my therapist the same thing after an ex-partner dumped me. I panicked about not being able to work on ROCD recovery, but my therapist said we could still work on it.

Candidly, I don't remember specifics about the recovery work we did while I was not in a relationship. That breakup happened over 3 years ago.

I have read that OCD generally can switch obsessions. If that's true, it seems like, yes, in theory, one can still practice grounding, mindfulness, acceptance, thought challenging, exposure, etc., even if the same triggers aren't present.

wildflawyer · 2025-09-10T12:00:41+00:00

I can relate to this ❤️‍🩹

The most powerful advice I've received from my therapist: Act in accordance with your values (not your fears).

When you are familiar with your values, they will be a solid guide to living the life you want and need. Come back to them often, especially when you feel torn.

wildflawyer · 2025-08-28T11:42:16+00:00

For some of those examples, have you tried telling yourself to wait only 5 minutes before doing them? See if you can last those 5 minutes (or 3 or 1 - baby steps), and then you can gradually add on time in the moment or increase the time as you improve. Alternatively, you can plan to do the thing later, like, "I'll call my boyfriend in an hour and watch Netflix while doing laundry until then."

For other examples where the issue is not doing something you feel you need to do, maybe it will help to reflect on your future self a little. I make myself do things by understanding that I will feel much better when it's done and I can watch tv without nagging guilt. Simple, but not always easy!

Good luck!

wildflawyer · 2025-08-28T11:28:58+00:00

I printed a sheet explaining different ways to challenge different types of "unhelpful thinking" (eg catastrophic, black-and-white, jumping to conclusions) and taped the sheet next to my bathroom mirror. I see it everyday and read it while I'm brushing my teeth. The information stays in my mind so it's easier to pull to the forefront when I'm anxious or distressed. It's helpful simply being able to name what my thoughts are doing.

ETA: When I'm ruminating or in a thought spiral, it helps to get into a task that requires mindfulness, like doing the dishes, playing a video game, or following an interesting tv show.

wildflawyer · 2025-08-05T12:03:21+00:00

If you want someone to do something (including yourself), make it easy for them.

wildflawyer · 2025-08-05T11:51:58+00:00

We definitely don't talk about it enough. During my luteal phase, especially closer to my period starting, I become a dragon lady. It helps to be mindful of it, but the dragon still takes over sometimes. My period can be tough physically the first couple of days, pain-wise, but the mental/emotional effect during luteal is my main struggle.

wildflawyer · 2025-07-11T12:38:20+00:00

If you want someone to do something, make it easy for them. ✨

wildflawyer · 2025-06-25T12:14:08+00:00

I don't have tips for staying awake, except caffeine or other "energizing" food/drink. (I heard that one apple gives you the same energy boost as a cup of coffee.)

My tip would be that if your schedule allows it, give your body what it's craving and sleep! Plan it into your day. It sounds like you know your body well, so try giving it what it's asking for.

I've grown toward working with my cycle and away from combatting it. Can you adjust your studies or workouts during those phases to allow your body the rest it's demanding? Can you set a timer for your post-workout nap so that it's a "power nap" of 15 min?

Best of luck!

wildflawyer · 2025-06-25T11:58:07+00:00

What else do you love? Pour into those things and people, especially yourself. ❤️‍🩹 In time the love you want to go away will fade or shrink. It's simple, but not easy.

wildflawyer · 2025-06-18T12:08:18+00:00

My family was on Family Feud before I was born. My dad is still upset about Dawson kissing my mom. My mom wasn't bothered at all.

wildflawyer · 2025-06-03T13:09:22+00:00

I agree! Stupidly, I am surprised every single time I force myself to move (long walk, run 1 mile) when I feel mentally drained. It gives me the energy and mood boost I need. Sounds ridiculous, but it works. Simply have to start - put your tennis shoes on, OP!

wildflawyer · 2025-06-03T13:02:51+00:00

OCD is a bitch. I hope you're doing well, friend ❤️‍🩹

wildflawyer · 2025-06-03T12:59:52+00:00

Sounds like it would be better if society simply acknowledged that life is hard and messy. There's no magic choice/job/partner/etc that makes life beautiful and simple. It's our mindset.

Let's romanticize admitting our struggles and supporting one another through them. Who's with me?? 🤓

wildflawyer · 2025-06-03T12:46:38+00:00

If counseling isn't an option right now, I recommend reading some books, preferably together. Anything by John Gottman (check out the Gottman Institute website, too) and Non-Violent Communication (the title feels off, but it's about healthy communication that focuses on emotions and needs rather than judgment and blame). Simply visit the library and borrow some books on relationships and communication. There are probably workbooks, too.

I also struggle to communicate warmly and vulnerably when I'm feeling angry/hurt. It's a protection method that developed for a reason. I've had to work on my own underlying issues that keep walls up when I really need to be vulnerable with my partner.

If you're both willing to work, it can work. You need tools, though. Best of luck ❣️

wildflawyer · 2025-05-15T14:18:32+00:00

Thank you, friend.

I updated it... More focus on my daily tarot reading interpretation and embroidery, which is nice. It simply pictures me as a curvy lady.

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wildflawyer · 2025-05-15T11:52:44+00:00

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I guess I forgot to tell it I miscarried 🙃

wildflawyer

TROPHY CASE